The SmarK Rant for New Japan Wrestle Kingdom 14 – 01.04.20

The SmarK Rant for NJPW Wrestle Kingdom 14

I was working all day today so I don’t really have time for the full 5.5 hour show, sorry. However, I did want to get in the main matches at least that I was wanting to see, in this case Mox v. Archer, Hiromu v. Ospreay, and the main events. So it’s back to New Japan World after a few months off. Thanks to the kind people who support my Patreon and fund my various streaming services every month.

Live from Tokyo, Japan

Ryusuke Taguchi & Tatsuhito Takaiwa & Shinjiro Ohtani & Naoki Sano v. Tiger Mask IV & Great Sasuke & Tatsumi Fujinami & JUSHIN LIGER

Talk about a throwback to the 90s here. It’s like my tape trading days crammed into one match. Thankfully, Liger’s music is left intact on the broadcast version. I like that the announcers tell you who each person is and what their history was, and then they’re like “Hey, since you’re probably a new subscriber, why not go back in the archives of New Japan World and watch all their great matches together, because they’re all here!” What a concept. Sano starts with Liger and quickly hits a dive, and then Ohtani comes in for some boot wipes in the corner as Liger is already getting beat up in last matches. Sasuke tries to intervene, but Ohtani boots him too, so Liger fights back with the palm strikes and brings in Tiger Mask. Over to Takaiwa and he’s still grumpy and hits a death valley driver on Mask. Taguchi comes in with the hip attacks (“Trade secrets” notes Rocky Romero on commentary) and Ohtani beats on Mask in the corner. Takaiwa with a deliberate corner clothesline and he goes up with a flying elbow for two! Takaiwa is still kind of awesome here. Tiger Mask comes back with a Tiger Driver and Fujinami comes in and dragon screws everyone before putting Takaiwa into the dragon sleeper. Sano saves, so it’s over to Great Sasuke. He goes up and misses the swanton, so Sano tries a double stomp from the top and misses that. Sasuke goes up again and Sano cuts him off with a superplex. Back to Liger and Taguchi, and Liger gets a top rope rana for two and suddenly everyone is hitting dives. Liger makes the big comeback on Taguchi, but falls victim to a Nakamura-inspired BUM STRIKE for two and then dodon to finish Liger at 8:55. I know that’s how they do things, but it’s still a bummer watching him go out on his back like that. This was a fun bit of nostalgia that didn’t overextend itself at all. **3/4 Disregarding the star rating, because it wasn’t a “great” match as such, it was still 1000 times better than it had any right to be, and the phrase “hit me right in the feels” is a very appropriate summary and I would recommend checking this one out if you’re looking for highlights from the show.

BUSHI & Shingo Takagi & EVIL & Sanada v. Zack Sabre Jr. & Minoru Suzuki & El Desperado & Taichi

Big brawl to start between these guys, as usual, and EVIL beats on Suzuki in the ring with a corner clothesline. Running broncobuster gets two for him, but he charges and gets caught in a hanging armbar on the ropes. So they head to the floor and Suzuki beats on EVIL with a chair while the announcers joke about not making eye contact with Suzuki to avoid setting him off further. Back in the ring, Suzuki tries the Gotch piledriver, but EVIL escapes that. So it’s over to Desperado, who puts EVIL in a surfboard, and that gets two. Taichi comes in with some lame kicks and chokes EVIL down, but EVIL comes back with a suplex and Takagi comes in and cleans house. Taichi gets a high kick in the corner and finally tears off the pants, allowing him to hit an enzuigiri with the better mobility. Over to Sanada, however, who wraps up Desperado with the Paradise Lock and dropkicks him out of it, but Zack Sabre wraps him up with a cobra twist from behind. Sanada tries the Paradise Lock on Zack, but ZSG reverses to a rollup for two. Sanada dropkicks the knee and BUSHI comes in with a missile dropkick to the knee on Sabre as the LIJ crew all teams up on him. Everyone fights outside and BUSHI gets a backslide on Zack, but he reverses to his sick submission hold on the mat and bends the fingers for the submission at 8:50. This was all previews for other stuff and felt like a decent pre-show match and nothing more. **1/4 But hey, it made me want to see ZSJ v. Sanada on Night 2, so mission accomplished.

Toru Yano & Tomohiro Ishii & Hirooki Goto & YOSHI-HASHI v. KENTA & Chase Owens & Bad Luck Fale & Yujiro Takahashi

So, uh, Pieter’s oufit. Talk about right in the feels. Yano demands to start the match and gets Fale as a result. He quickly undoes the turnbuckle pad and then wisely runs away and tags out to YOSHI-HASHI. Yoshi cleans house and chops Owens in the corner and out of the ring. Fale clears the ring and the Bullet Club goes to work on YOSHI-HASHI as the announcers are basically just riffing on each other with wacky bits about Gino Gambino not getting a track suit from his Bullet Club friends and inside jokes about rugby. Yujiro and Chase double-team YOSHI-HASHI and Chase gets a backdrop suplex for two. Yano tries to make the save and gets chased out by Fale again, but then we get KENTA and Goto finally getting in together. Goto with a corner clothesline and running bulldog for two, but KENTA gets a DDT and then brings Yujiro back in for an inverted DDT and sliding dropkick. The Club triple-teams Goto and Yujiro gets a fisherman’s buster for two. The big brawl breaks out and we get Ishii beating on Fale and managing to hit a brainbuster on him, and then Goto runs wild and gets the ushigoroshi and GTR on Yujiro to finish at 8:17. Another very understated eight-man. **1/4

IWGP tag team titles: Tama Tonga & Tanga Loa v. Juice Robinson & David Finlay

They all brawl on the ramp before the bell and Juice takes a backdrop there. I will say, his new look is growing on me. So they head into the ring and the GOD start beating on Juice and get a double-team dropkick for two. Look, I’m no diplomat, but if AEW and New Japan can’t put aside their egos and bad blood and philosophical differences and give the world the Orange Cassidy / Juice Robinson tag team we didn’t know we needed until I just brought it up this second, then there’s no hope for the world. Finlay comes in after Juice gets tossed, and runs wild on the champs for a bit, but he goes up and Loa yanks him down onto the bad shoulder to take over again. Running powerslam gets two. Tonga comes in and chokes him out, and a snap suplex gets two. They take turns with sentons in their corner and Loa gets two. Finlay fights back and Tanga Loa shrugs off his chops and gets a corner clothesline, but Finlay spears him with the injured shoulder and makes the hot tag to Juice. Spinebusters for everyone and he hits them with corner clotheslines and cannonballs. Loa blocks the Left Hand of God and hits an enzuigiri, however, and follows with a german suplex. GOD misses their double-team and it’s back to Finlay, who hits dropkicks Loa for two. Double flapjack on Tama and they set up for a Powerplex, but Tanga Loa saves and powerbombs Finlay into a flying splash from Tama for two. Finlay escapes the Magic Killer, but they hit a double team neckbreaker instead for two. This sets up another Magic Killer, but Juice saves. So they hit it on Juice, but Jado demands a SUPER POWERBOMB to really put them away. So they try it on Finlay, but he reverses to a rana on Loa to escape. Jado hits him with the kendo stick and Tama gets two off that. Gun Stun is ducked and Finlay hits the stunner for two. Juice escapes another finisher and hits the LEFT HAND OF GOD on Loa, and Pulp Friction to get rid of him, and then another left hand on Tama and Finlay’s Acid Drop finishes and wins the tag titles at 13:35. This had its moments but was pretty slow-ish overall and nothing special. ***

IWGP US title, TEXAS DEATH MATCH: Lance Archer v. Jon Moxley

Archer appears to be dressed as a World War I era German leather fetishist, so you know he means business. Moxley attacks to start, but Archer hits him with a cross body, so Mox tosses him and follows with a tope. They fight into the crowd already and Mox runs him into the railing a few times and retrieves a kendo stick from under the ring. What is this, TLC? Jon goes up and Archer hucks a chair at his face and proceeds to pummel the shit out of him with it. I’m seriously questioning Moxley’s career choices at this point, because clearly this is exactly what he wants to be doing. Archer beats him with the kendo stick and chokes him out, but Moxley fires back with weapons and then suplexes Archer onto a pair of chairs and follows with a sliding knee to the head. Archer bails to the floor in a daze before the ref can even count, but he catches Mox and chokeslams him on the apron, and then grabs a young boy and chokeslams that poor kid onto Moxley as well. Moxley gets helped by another group of lions, and Archer dives onto them to put Moxley down for an 8 count. Back in the ring, Archer puts together more chairs and Mox tries to fly with a german suplex, but Archer is too big for it. Moxley goes up, but Archer catches him with a crucifix slam onto the chairs and Mox has to fight up at 9. So then Archer just puts a claw on him and slams his head into the chair a few times, but Moxley reverses to an armbar, because apparently submissions count despite pinfalls not counting. Archer powers out and drops Moxley on his damn head again with an overhead suplex, but Moxley counters a chokeslam into the Dirty Deeds. That draws a 9 count, but he gets up in time. Moxley tries the Paradigm Shift, but again Archer is too big for him, and he comes back with a chokeslam onto a chair. Moxley does a dramatic 9 count tease, but then pops up and flips us off. So Archer naturally pulls a plastic bag out of his pocket and tries to smother Moxley. See, this is EXACTLY why you should use reusable bags. It’s much harder to murder people with them. Also, something with the environment. Archer hits the floor and sets up a couple of tables, then uses his spiked helmet to torture Moxley before trying for a Blackout off the apron. Moxley fights out of that, so Archer switches to a chokeslam attempt, but Moxley hits the Paradigm Shift off the apron and through the two tables. Both guys are down, but Moxley answers the bell and regains the title at 14:30. A lot of this felt like violence for the sake of violence, but it was definitely entertaining. ***1/2

IWGP Junior heavyweight title: Will Ospreay v. Hiromu Takahashi

As the announcers note, Takahashi might have the advantage due to literally dying and then coming back to life for this rematch. Because it’s hard to kill someone who was already dead! I…dunno about the science behind that theory. Ospreay wearing a cat skin jacket to mess with Takahashi is pretty hilarious. Ospreay rides him on the mat and offers some showboating to start. They do the stalemate sequence and Hiromu fires off a rana to put Will onto the apron, but he tries for a powerbomb to the floor and Ospreay blocks him. So Takahashi gives him an apron bomb instead and then dropkicks him off the apron and into the railing. Back in the ring, HIromu gets the chops and hooks Ospreay with a Tarantula, but Will escapes and double-stomps the back to set up a draping DDT for two. Takahashi bails to the floor to recover, what with his neck recently breaking and all, so Will bends it around the railing and follows with a neckbreaker on the floor to be a dick. Back in, that gets two. Ospreay wraps him up in a neck crank submission on the mat, but Takahashi makes the ropes. Ospreay tries for a wheelbarrow suplex, but Takahashi reverses to a flatliner and comes back with a low dropkick and falcon arrow for two. Takahashi with some more chops, but Ospreay handsprings into a flip kick to put Takahashi on the floor again. Ospreay with the SPACE FLYING TIGER DROP, but Hiromu dodges him and throws him back into the ring, at which point Ospreay springs right back up and hits the move on a second try. You can say it’s just gymnastics, but they’re some pretty amazing gymnastics. Back in for Pip Pip Cheerio for two, but Takahashi dropkicks him into the corner, so Ospreay fights out with a 619 to put Takahashi on the apron and then follows with a double stomp right onto the neck. Back in, he follows with the missile dropkick to the back of the head, which gets two. Hiromu collapses to the mat again after that and the ref tries to call Ospreay off, but Will puts Hiromu on the top rope for an electric chair attempt. Takahashi fights out of that and tries a rana, but he collapses again and Will easily blocks it and tries the wheelbarrow off the top. Hiromu manages to reverse that into a rollup for two and then follows with the Dynamite Plunger for two. Ospreay hits him with an enzuigiri and Robinson Special kick to continue punishing the neck, but the Os-Cutter is blocked. So he hits the Made in Japan powerbomb instead and gets two, and then follows with a shooting star press…for two. Thought that was the finish.

Finally he hits the Os-Cutter, but Takahashi manages to kick out of THAT, too. The crowd is going nuts for Takahashi, of course. Ospreay gives him another head kick, but he walks into a pop up powerbomb and Takahashi gets some recovery time. They slug it out from their knees and Hiromu gets all fired up and makes the comeback to win a forearm battle. Ospreay tries another handspring and Takahashi catches him with a german suplex, and then reverses a powerbomb into a Canadian Destroyer for two. He runs Ospreay into the corner with a death valley driver, but Will escapes the Time Bomb, so Hiromu hits him with superkicks and tries again. Ospreay escapes again and tries the Storm Breaker, but Takahashi escapes from that and so Will spins him into a slam for two. And then Ospreay just BLASTS him with the chop to the back of the head to put him out and follows with the Storm Breaker, but Takahashi reverses for two. Takahashi makes one last comeback and puts him down with a lariat, then follows with the Time Bomb…for two. So he fires off another lariat and hits a package piledriver this time, and this time it finishes and gives him the title back at 24:39. Oh, this was magnificent, a tremendously terrifying exhibition where everything they did was safe but Takahashi was so great at pretending to be near death that you were worried for his life. Ospreay is just on another level as a pro wrestler as well. *****

IWGP Intercontinental title: Jay White v. Tetsuya Naito

OH COME ON with the beard on Jay White here. As if he couldn’t get any more douchey. YOU SUCK, Jay White. Jay immediately stalls to annoy the crowd, so Naito goes after Gedo instead and suckers White back into the ring. Naito with a dropkick to put Jay on the floor and it’s time for some tranquilo as White begs off. Naito kindly holds the ropes open for White and then dives in with a legsweep to take him down, before dropping him with a neckbreaker off the apron. Back in, Naito calmly beats on his stupid ugly face until Gedo interferes and allows White to take over. White backdrops him on the apron and Gedo again gets involved, allowing White to crotch Naito on the post. And then Gedo uses a chair on Naito’s knee as White whips him into the railing and wraps Naito’s knee around it. Back in, White gets a Saito suplex and Naito bails to the floor to take a breather. So White does the Tranquilo pose and the crowd HATES that. It takes a lot to make these crowds have that reaction. JAY WHITE IS JUST THAT AWFUL. White with the Muta-lock and you know that the Dome hates that too, but Naito makes the ropes. They slug it out with chops and Naito gets a rana, but he hurts his knee on the way down. He still gets a seated dropkick and a neckbreaker for two, then gives White a well deserved spit in the face and dropkicks him into the corner. Naito wraps him up in a wacky submission on the mat, but Jay makes the ropes to escape. Naito tries a german suplex but White clings to the ropes like a coward and then hits a DDT after the ref forces a break. White with a death valley driver for two. They fight over a uranage, so White just yanks him down by the hair and keeps trying for the uranage. Naito elbows out of each attempt, but White gets a back elbow and puts him down with a deadlift german suplex.

To the top and they fight over a superplex, but Naito brings him down with a neckbreaker and tries a top rope rana. White slips out and drops Naito on the top rope, however, and goes to work on the knee. White with a dragon screw on the apron and Naito can’t run the ropes, so White keeps pounding the knee with Gedo demanding the bell to be rung. Since when does Gedo control the finishes of matches? As if. White finally gets his uranage for two, and then hits another Saito suplex, putting Naito over the top rope and bouncing him off the apron. Back in, he tries the Kiwi Krusher, but Naito goes dead weight on him, so White has to power through it and hits the move for two. White keeps smashing the knee and hooks the inverted figure-four, which is apparently now the NTO (Naito Tap Out). Naito thankfully fights to the ropes, but White continues beating on the knee, so Naito spits in his face again to get him to back off. I’d do the same, not gonna lie. Naito comes back with a spinebuster, but Jay elbows out of Gloria and then offers some trash talk. Naito fights back, so Gedo takes the ref, but Naito keeps coming with the tornado DDT. They fight to the top and Naito offers another well deserved spit to the face and gets a top rope rana, and Gloria for two. Jay escapes the Destino and throws Naito into Red Shoes to bump him, and now Gedo brings a chair into the ring and White goes low. Naito finally goes to get rid of Gedo, and White just smashes a chair off his head and follows with a sleeper suplex. White spits in his face like an animal. Who does that? Gross. Naito fights back, however, hitting the Destino, but he doesn’t have enough left to cover, probably already developing pink eye from whatever germs White has in his saliva. Naito with the inverted rana and Destino…but it gets two. Another one, but White catches it and tries the Blade Runner. So Naito reverses that again, hits another Destino and thankfully puts the fucker away for good at 33:50 to win the title back and spare us Jay White main eventing night two. I grudgingly accept that White is reasonably good at this pro wrestling thing, but the world needs Naito to win both titles. ****1/2

IWGP title: Kazuchika Okada v. Kota Ibushi

They trade wristlocks to start and Ibushi takes him down and goes for the knee, but Okada rolls him over for two. We get a clean break, which the crowd appreciates, and Okada grabs a headlock, but Ibushi pops up from a shoulderblock and kicks the crap out of Okada, into a standing moonsault for two. Ibushi goes to a rear chinlock and Okada fights for the ropes, so Ibushi beats him down and they slug it out. Kota wins that one with a high kick and Okada fires back with an elbow and a DDT out of the corner for two. They head to the floor and Okada hits a draping DDT on the floor. NOT IN THE FACE! HIS BEAUTIFUL FACE! Back in, that gets two. Ibushi fights back and Okada is like “BRING IT ON, MOFO” and puts him down with a DDT, apparently trying to prompt Ibushi into going all Dark Betty on him. Maybe Ibushi has the serial killer gene, too?

Ibushi fights back with elbows and a flying kick, into a powerslam and beautiful moonsault for two. He goes up again, but Okada dropkicks him down to the floor. Okada boots him over the railing and follows with a crossbody into the crowd. Back in, Okada wraps him up with an STF variation, but Ibushi makes the ropes to escape that. Okada goes up and drops the flying elbow, and it’s time to MAKE IT RAIN. I feel like I should zoom out my rant somehow. Ibushi counters with a Pele kick (nearly landing on his damn head) and then counters a tombstone attempt into the cradle piledriver, but he’s too hurt to cover. Okada charges, but Ibushi puts him down with a double stomp to the chest and Okada bails to catch his breath off that. Ibushi follows with a Golden Triangle moonsault to the floor. Back in with a springboard dropkick and Last Ride, for two. Ibushi sets up a Bom A Ye, but Okada hits him with the DROPKICK OF DOOM and follows with the tombstone. Ibushi grabs the ropes to block the Rainmaker, but Okada puts him down with a forearm. But then Ibushi goes all dead eyes, and no-sells Okada’s forearms, then no-sells a dropkick and puts him down with punches right in the face. NOT IN THE FACE! No, wait, that gag only works for Ibushi, never mind. Ibushi just rains down with sick punches to the face and the crowd actually turns on him for it, as Okada tries to escape in the ropes. Okada finally gets to the apron and they fight out there, leading to a tombstone on the apron, right on Ibushi’s BEAUTIFUL BEAUTIFUL FACE.

So both guys are out and Ibushi is on the floor and apparently deceased, but he just beats the count. Back in, Okada gets a cradle neckbreaker for two and brainbuster for two. Ibushi is still mostly dead, so Okada hits a german suplex to fold him in half, then maintains wrist control, but Ibushi fights back with a lariat of his own. Ibushi kicks him to the apron again and then brings him back in with a deadlift high angle german suplex right on the back of his neck, for two. Okada fights back with a corkscrew tombstone and tries the Rainmaker, but Ibushi hits his own and they’re both down again. Ibushi recovers first with the Bom a Ye, which only gets one, and a second one gets two. High kick sets up the Kamagoye, but that gets two. So he tries another one with an exposed knee, but Okada counters that with a dropkick and they’re both down. They slug it out from their knees and just throw bombs at each other, but then Ibushi snaps again and puts him down with a sick kick to the face. To the top and Ibushi wants a Tiger Driver superplex, but Okada powers out of that, but then dives at Ibushi and gets caught with a powerbomb on the way down, for two. Amazing. Ibushi goes up with the Phoenix and misses that, and the RAINMAKER follows. Another one gets two for Okada. But Okada keeps hold of the wrist and hits another one, but that’s still not enough. One more, but Ibushi ducks it and gets the V-Trigger. But then Okada hits a tombstone, and one more Rainmaker, and that puts him away at 39:20 to retain and close out Night 1. Just incredible and once again both guys make a case for being the best pro wrestlers in the world. Or in Okada’s case, best ever. *****

So overall, this was a hell of a show all put together, although I think Ospreay v. Takahashi slightly beats out the main event for me. But still, can’t go wrong either way.