The SmarK Rant for Mid-Atlantic Championship Wrestling – 03.29.86

The SmarK Rant for Mid-Atlantic Championship Wrestling – 03.29.86

Gonna have to go with some JCP tonight because FUCK YOU VINCE MCMAHON.

Taped from somewhere in South Carolina, I think Greenville.

Your hosts are Bob Caudle & Johnny Weaver

NWA World tag team champions The Midnight Express v. Don Kernodle & Rocky Kernodle

Don Kernodle continues to fall down the card but this should be a banger by syndicated TV standards. The Express tries to double-team Don to start, but he fights them off FOR AMERICA and brings in his fairly useless brother, who was starting to resemble Dino Bravo a little bit with his bleached blond hair and growing physique. YOU NEVER GO FULL BRAVO. The Kernodles manage to double-team Bobby for a bit, but Don walks into an elbow from Bobby. So Rocky comes in again and slugs away on Bobby, but Bobby just cuts him off with a suplex. Rocky keeps coming with a crossbody for two and rolls up Eaton, but Condrey comes in behind the ref’s back and levels Rocky with a clothesline, putting Bobby on top for the pin at 3:39. Nothing special to the match but the crowd had NUCLEAR heat for the Express. Once again showing that even a small crowd can look and sound impressive on TV if they’re not spread around a cavernous basketball arena.

Jimmy Garvin joins us and he’s got bad news for everyone: Wahoo is indeed a coward and he’s not here. So to counter these accusations, Bob Caudle throws to a video package of Wahoo making a dramatic entrance and chopping people. Man, apparently he fought Bruiser Brody at one point. Damn there would be some stiff shots in that one. Anyway, Bob notes that there was NOTHING COWARDLY shown in that video, so Garvin’s point is rebuked. Of course, it’s not Jimmy’s fault that he’s the best looking man in wrestling and the greatest wrestler, which is why Wahoo isn’t here to face him.

National heavyweight champion Tully Blanchard v. George South

The announcers note that Tully was previously TV champion and held the belt longer than anyone else. Oh great, they’re gonna have to create a TV title for Roman Reigns to win so he can break THAT record too now, aren’t they? Tully struts around South but George takes him down with a hammerlock and works on the arm to get a bit of a shine. But then Tully slugs him down and quickly hits the slingshot suplex to finish at 1:55.

Meanwhile, we learn that New Orleans has been selected as the host city for the Jim Crockett Sr. Memorial Cup tag team tournament. We get comments from Jim’s wife Francis, who is pretty sure they’re gonna do next year’s show in Charlotte, but she’s still excited to see it held in New Orleans. Back at the press conference, a bunch of very white executives explain the tournament and such. Bill Apter presents the top 10 seeds:

The Road Warriors

Dusty Rhodes & Magnum TA

The Midnight Express

Ric Flair & Arn Anderson

Rick Martel & Dino Bravo

The Rock N Roll Express

Tiger Mask & Giant Baba

Ivan & Nikita Koloff

The Sheepherders

Ted Dibiase & Steve Williams

Holy hell that field sure changed in the couple of weeks before the show. There ended up being, what, 5 of those teams in the thing? Also Cowboy Bill Watts speaks about how he dreamed about the Superdome hosting an NWA World title change, and immediately announces that Ric Flair has pulled out (PHRASING!) and will defend the NWA World title against Dusty Rhodes, who was presumably also pulled out, although I don’t want to think about Dusty pulling out any more than I need to. So we have an immediate change in the top 10 seeds.

The Road Warriors

Ronnie Garvin & Magnum TA

The Midnight Express

Tully Blanchard & Arn Anderson

Rick Martel & Dino Bravo

The Rock N Roll Express

Tiger Mask & Giant Baba

Ivan & Nikita Koloff

The Sheepherders

Ted Dibiase & Steve Williams

What the hell was the point of having them announce the seedings and then immediately change them? Anyway Bill also announces a SURPRISE MAIN EVENT for the early show, because I assume they knew that a bunch of tag team squash matches weren’t gonna sell tickets.

Gorgeous Jimmy Garvin v. Rocky King

Jimmy still has the giant bionic knee brace but he’s moving a lot better than he did last week. He actually throws a dropkick on Rocky and puts the boots to him, then backdrops him and puts him away with the brainbuster at 1:00.

Paul Jones promises to bring his army and shake the arenas and make all the wrestlers and fans shiver. I think the word he’s looking for there is “shudder”.

Jim Cornette stops by to complain about the CONSPIRACY against his team because they’re the champions but they’re not seeded #1. NO MORE TITLE SHOTS FOR THE ROAD WARRIORS NOW. Fair enough.

Mid-Atlantic heavyweight title: Sam Houston v. Black Bart

I was gonna make a joke about Sam being a counterfeit cowboy and then realized that I was thinking of Kendall Windham and deleted the joke, so now you’ll never know about it. Whew, close call there. Ron Garvin joins us on commentary here, and he thinks Sam is gonna be a real tough guy when he reaches age 26 or 27. Sam gets some quick offense on Bart with dropkicks and armdrags and chases Bart out of the ring. Back in the ring, Sam slugs away on Bart, who takes a big bump over the top rope off that and lands on the floor. Back in the ring, Sam hits a dramatic sling blade for two and takes him down with an armdrag to control him on the mat again. Sam continues working the arm and we take a break. Back from the break and we get to listen to another Paul Jones promo before returning, although the match literally picks up where it left off, with Bart fighting out of the armbar and dropping Sam on the ropes with a stungun. That gets two. Bart with a one-armed backbreaker on Houston, which is less impressive when you consider that Sam is about the same size as Marko Stunt in cowboy boots, and he chokes away in the ropes. Bart beats on him in the corner and Sam does his Ricky Morton sell on the ropes to rile up the girls in the crowd, but he fights back and tries the bulldog. Bart bumps into the ref and Sam rolls up Bart for a visual pinfall, and then hits a bulldog for good measure and gets another one. Bart tosses Houston to the floor and he knocks himself out on the bump, but he crawls to the apron, where Bart drops a guillotine legdrop on him in the ropes, and wins the title at 13:11. Pretty good simple big man v. little match TV match. ***

Tully Blanchard joins us to wrap things up, and he’s sick of hearing the crowd chanting for Dusty. Me too. Tully reassures us that Dusty is never getting another title shot, though, and so he and Baby Doll are DONE. OUTTA HERE. If only that were true.

This was some chicken soup for the wrestling fan’s soul this week. Just what I needed.