The SmarK Rant for Memphis Wrestling – 05.03.86

The SmarK Rant for Memphis Wrestling – 05.03.86

Originally written 01.10.26

Been nearly a year since I looked at these, so courtesy of KrisPLettuce let’s go back to Memphis again, during the reign of Bill & Budro and the impending rise of Jeff Jarrett.

Taped from Memphis, TN

Your hosts are Lance Russell & Dave Brown

Paul Diamond joins Lance and he’s on the comeback trail, and now he wants a title shot, but that fella Rip Rogers also wants a title shot and now they’ve got HEAT. He’s also upset that security broke up his fight with Rip last time, but Lance calmly explains that they have to fit a lot of matches in the show and Eddie Marlin was just keeping it going.

Bill Dundee & Buddy Landel join Lance while Diamond goes to start his match, and they’re not interested in any stumblebum like Diamond, because he’s busy ranting about losing the Southern title to Jerry Lawler due to defective refereeing. So if Lawler has ANY GUTS he’ll wrestle Dundee in a rematch on TV where everyone can see him lose fair and square. “Well that’s one way to look at it” notes Lance. And Dundee can’t wait for tomorrow. You know why? Because he gets better looking every day.

Paul Diamond v. The Undertaker

No, don’t get all excited. He’s just a masked dude. Diamond takes him down and works the arm for two, and then hits a back elbow for two. Legdrop gets two. Undertaker slugs away on the ropes, but Diamond hits him with a five arm and gets two. Diamond with a superkick for the pin at 3:01. Diamond looked good here and had good babyface fire.

Meanwhile, Lance tells us all about what’s coming up in Evansville, with a main event of Bill & Buddy v. Lawler & LeDuc. And Lawler shows the famous video clip of LeDuc hurling him out of the ring and onto a table to show what a maniac Jos LeDuc is. Yeah that legit shattered Lawler’s leg, I think. And he demands that LeDuc pick one of the heels and do exactly the same to them!

Rip Rogers joins Lance and mocks Diamond and his drug problems and stint in rehab.

Rip Rogers v. David Haskins

Haskins takes him down with an armdrag, but Rip rakes the eyes and runs him into the corner to take over. Rip drops some elbows and calls for Paul Diamond to come face him before tossing Haskins for some abuse out there. Back in the ring, Rip chokes him out and throws him out again for an atomic drop on the floor. Lance accuses him of being a REAL HAM, as Rip goes up with a double axehandle, still demanding Paul Diamond. Suplex gets one as Rip picks him up and claims that he kicked out, and then a Boston crab finishes at 4:22.

Meanwhile, Lance and Dave discuss that young fella, Jeff Jarrett, who reminds them of guys like Ricky Morton and Koko Ware. So we cut to the Jarrett house, as he does a stammering babyface promo on Bill Dundee. At EIGHTEEN YEARS OLD.

The Mod Squad joins Lance, as JD Costello’s mother has recently passed away and Lance passes on his condolences. But JD has a note that his mother left him, and he demands that Lance read it on TV. So Lance reads the will, which leaves his mother’s entire estate and corporation to him and cuts out the rest of his family because they mean nothing. So now he’s apparently worth upwards of $20 million. So now he’s signing new guys for his stable. First new addition: TONY FALK! Lance: “You’re aware of his wrestling record, right?” JD isn’t worried about it. Next up, Abdul Gaddafi and Pat Rose. This is quite the stable of geeks. Also he’s trying to sign Dutch Mantel, but hasn’t been able to get in touch with him thus far. Lance is pretty sure Dutch isn’t interested, but Dutch comes out and JD decides to throw money at the problem. So he offers Dutch his entire salary from the last year as a signing bonus, plus another 50% over his current salary. Definitely a better deal than what Jerry Jarrett was paying. Dutch: “If you’re so rich then just give me some money right now as a show of faith.” JD offers a blank cheque instead, but Dutch insists on cash, so JD pulls $400 out of his pocket as a down payment and Dutch agrees. “We need to probably sign a contract before you walk away, Dutch.” And then JD realizes that he’s been robbed and he freaks out on Lance in a funny tantrum while his idiot heel stable just stands there like morons. Classic Memphis nonsense.

Jeff Jarrett v. The Masked Patriot

Jeff, skinny little teenager with less than a month in the sport, takes the Patriot down with armdrags while Bill Dundee joins us to observe the match. Dundee predicts that Jeff, who only played COLLEGE basketball with a bunch of boys, won’t last in the business, and he tells Jarrett to gain 50 pounds and come see him when he’s got a decade in the business. Patriot slams JJ, but Jeff cradles him for the pin at 2:36. Dundee continues ranting about how he never went to high school or college and learned about life in the ring. LIKE A REAL MAN.

The Mod Squad v. Jim Jamison & David Johnson

JD is MAD AS A HORNET at Dutch Mantel, who still has $445 of JD’s money, so JD officially withdraws his offer of employment. Spike & Basher switch off on Jamison’s arm and it’s over to Johnson, while JD claims that Lance is the only person alive to have seen Halley’s Comet three times, which is a pretty funny line. Spike with an elbowdrop and powerslam to finish at 2:45 while Costello does a Match Game “How Mean Are They?” routine about the Mod Squad that seems like it’s lifted from Jim Cornette, like most of his gimmick.

Meanwhile, Bill and Buddy discuss the Evansville show with Lance and think that it’s unfair that Lawler is trying to have them taken out of wrestling via Jos Leduc. Buddy is pretty sure Leduc can’t even pick them up anyway.

Dutch Mantel & Pat Tanaka v. Keith Eric & Tony Falk

Tanaka works on Falk’s arm and chops him down in the corner, so Falk retreats and brings Eric in. Tanaka puts him down with a spinkick and it’s over to Dutch. Dutch beats Falk down with elbows and it’s back to Eric, so Dutch hits him with a backbreaker for two. Dutch and Tanaka double-team Falk and Pat gets a chop, but JD Costello comes out and rings the bell because he’s collecting his money one way or another! So JD orders Tanaka out of the ring so he can personally face Dutch, ripping off his shirt for quite the sight. And Dutch chases him away, but the JD Costello Dynasty hits the ring and beats down Dutch, although I don’t think they got the money back for JD.

And Lance & Dave wrap things up to end the show.

Next week: Jerry Lawler defends the Southern title against Bill Dundee on TV! That is, if he has any kind of guts.

This show was so awesome. This hits me right in the nostalgia perfectly.