The SmarK Rant for Lucha Underground – S1E35 “Fuel to the Fire”

The SmarK Rant for Lucha Underground – S1E35

“Fuel to the Fire”

I’m GONNA FINISH THIS FIRST SEASON, DAMMIT. It’s gonna happen, like naked basketball at Diddy’s house, whether we want it or not.

Also, Sudafed is some good stuff. Just putting it out there. I think I had a mild case of Covid this weekend but I DON’T CARE NOW LOL.

Taped from the Aztec Temple

Your hosts are Matt Striker & Vampiro

Meanwhile, Pentagon speaks with his mysterious Master.

The Mack v. Brian Cage

Melissa’s little flirty introductions of Cage make more sense now that I’ve been smartened up. They charge in like bulls and Mack hits him with a powerslam and snaps off a springboard moonsault for two, and then follows with a running brainbuster for two. Cage puts him down with a neckbreaker and follows with a delayed suplex, so delayed they should call it the Lucha Bros signing with WWE, but Mack fires back with a flying knee strike from the middle rope to make the comeback. Mack with a corner splash while Striker references the honey badger meme that was actually pretty topical at the time, and he suplexes Cage into the corner and then goes up and misses a frog splash. Cage with a discus lariat for two off that. Cage with a big boot, but the Mack rolls him up for the surprise pin at 4:00. This was a MEAT MATCH or whatever the Mexican equivalent would be. ***

Meanwhile, Catrina messes with Son of Havoc and freaks him out, but Ivelisse is there for the save, which results in an awkward embrace while Angelico snarks about it. OK, that was funny.

Meanwhile, Vampiro chats with Penta and apologizes for getting into his business last time, and has trouble coaxing answers out of him. Penta points out that they both liked extracting pain from opponents, but now Vampiro is a COWARD who can no longer deal pain. Vamp is understandably pissed about that, but Penta promises to show the world who Vampiro really is under his newly retired persona.

Mil Muertes v. Son of Havoc

Surprised Matt Cross never made it with AEW to any degree, actually. Havoc comes in with a back elbow and dodges a charge in the corner, for two. They fight on the floor and Muertes hauls him into the crowd and beats on him with chairs under Dario Cueto’s “the more violence the better” rule exception, and then powerbombs him on the announce table, which doesn’t break. Havoc fights back with a tope suicida and then back in with a springboard double stomp to the back, but he goes for a death valley driver and Muertes just hits him with a heart punch to stop him and puts him on the top rope. Havoc blocks with a front suplex from the top, but he misses a shooting star press while Catrina puts the moves on Angelico and leaves him paralyzed while the Disciples of Death beat him down. Women, am I right fellas? Havoc saves with a dive onto the heels, but Muertes catches him with a lariat and a spear back in the ring and then finishes with the flatliner at 7:25 to move onto the Ultimo Lucha title match. A very fun and entertaining match! ***1/4. Also, Catrina, DAYUM.

Texano joins us in the ring, not always a nice dude but always a Mexicano who likes to hurt people. And he always respects his own people, which is why he hates Chavo Guerrero for being a backstabber who betrays his people. So he calls out Chavo, and instead the Crew answers and beats him down until Blue Demon Jr. makes the save…and then turns on Texano and joins up with the Crew, I guess replacing Chavo Guerrero in the feud due to Chavo’s leg injury. So they will wrestle at Ultima Lucha!

Team Alberto (Sexy Star, Drago, Aerostar & Alberto El Patron) v. Team Johnny (Superfly, Jack Evans, Hernandez & Johnny Mundo)

Evans starts with Alberto and does some flips to intimidate him, but Alberto smacks him down and puts the boots to him. Aerostar comes in, but Evans puts him down with a jawbreaker. Superfly tries to fight off the babyfaces and gets sent to the floor, so Hernandez takes Patron to the floor and Team Johnny beats him down. Back in, Aerostar backdrops Superfly to the floor and dropkicks Evans to the floor, and then follows with an actual physics-defying dive onto both guys. Like he just walked up and spit in the face of Sir Isaac Newton. Everyone piles up on the floor and Sexy Star hits them with a dive, but Patron teases his own and Mundo trips him up, prompting a footrace to the back. Back in the ring, Aerostar gets necked and the heels take over on him again, as Hernandez beats him down and Evans comes in with a handspring elbow for two. Sexy Star finally comes in and goes after Mundo, but Evans cuts her off, so Sexy has to fight off all the heels by herself until Hernandez puts her down with a backbreaker. I still don’t get the Sexy Star push. Everyone slugs it out in the ring and Alberto puts Evans in the cross armbreaker, but he’s very bendy and can’t be tapped. So Johnny saves with the End of the World, but Sexy Star dives onto him, and Mundo rolls through and pins her with a handful of tights at 9:39. Another fun match. ***1/4

But then as the announcers wrap it up, Penta hits the desk and attacks Vampiro, dumping what appears to be gasoline over him and declaring that he’s not afraid of Vampiro and challenges him to Ultima Lucha or else Vampiro is gonna BURN UP IN FLAMES. You know, as the Master told him to do.

Now this was a hell of a show this week.