The SmarK Rant for GWF Supercard – 07.24.91

The SmarK Rant for GWF Supercard – 07.24.91

Taped from the Globaldome in Dallas, TX

Your hosts are Scott Hudson & Craig Johnson

It’s the continued Light Heavyweight title tournament, with another four first round matches.

But first, as usual the first 10 minutes are a recap of the show from the day before.

Big Bully Busick chats with Joe Pedicino, explaining the differences between the Bully Blaster and an illegal heart punch. It’s all very scientific and you probably wouldn’t understand it if I recapped it here.

Light heavyweight title tournament round one: Mike Stetson v. Steve Simpson

It’s funny that these days you have heavyweight wrestlers being announced at a legit 197 pounds but back then they made sure that NO ONE weighed less than 230 pounds or else the business would implode. Simpson was kind of a running joke because he was supposedly so skinny, but he looks like Ultimate Warrior compared to even someone like Jack Perry today. Simpson, not to be confused with Nikita Koloff, works a headlock on the mat and Stetson gets the ropes, so Steve drops him on his head. Steve takes him down with another headlock, really locking that head, and follows with a bodypress for two. The announcers, noting Stetson’s suspiciously large frame for this tournament, concoct a whole conspiracy theory about paying off freelance weigh-scale proprietors and gaming the system. Simpson takes him down and works the arm and then goes to a bodyscissors on the mat as I feel like I’m watching some kind of 1950s throwback match, like all the kids were into in 1991. Simpson with a monkey flip and a 1991 version of the High Fly Flow to finish at 7:50. Not exactly a showcase for the division. *. Simpson looked like someoe born 40 years too late for his style, but he’ll probably get a big push in this because he’s a WCCW alumnus and must work cheap based on how long he stuck around the various Texas territories.

Light heavyweight title tournament round one: Iceman Parsons v. Adrian Street

How can you put either of these guys in this tournament with a straight face? Iceman is of course armed with his Rooty Poot Stick, thus inspiring another catchphrase later on. Street dives in with a takedown and Parsons gets all pissed off and puts the boots to him before throwing him out of the ring for a brawl on the stage. Back in the ring, Iceman with a headbutt and he tosses Street again, and Adrian takes an awkward backwards bump into the stairs and that looks like it SUCKED. Adrian backdrops out of a piledriver out there and comes back as they brawl outside. Back in the ring, Street slugs away in the corner, but Iceman throws him over the top and gets DQ’d at 5:24. Very weak sauce. ½*

Meanwhile, Joe Pedicino discusses the ongoing argument between Max Andrews and Iceman Parsons, as there is apparently no rule against having a Rooty Poot Stick at ringside so he should be able to have it. Also Joe clarifies that there is no automatic over the top rope DQ rule in the GWF, despite them literally just having an over the top DQ in the PREVIOUS MATCH.

Boni Blackstone has a question from a fan for the Patriot: How does it feel to be the GWF TV champion? They should hire these people for the WWE press conferences with hard hitting questions like those.

Light heavyweight title tournament round one: Brian Adias v. El Bandolero

Bandalero is a mysterious luchador from south of the border, like in much the same way that Kato was from Japan. Adias works a headlock on the Mexican, who is clearly from Mexico and probably can’t communicate because he only speaks Mexican. Many Mexicans have ginger beards, according to science. Adias drops a knee for two, but Bandolero uses his Mexican stamina to come back and rakes the eyes and stuff, but Adias catches him with a legsweep for the pin at 6:51. Horrible. DUD. Adias looked bored out of his mind to even be there at this point, and in fact he only worked a couple of matches for the GWF and then retired from wrestling for good.

The Patriot joins Boni to let us know how being the TV champion feels, although he doesn’t actually have a belt to denote that championship.

Wild Bill Irwin joins Joe and promises to team up with his whip for the upcoming tag team tournament.

Light heavyweight tournament round one: Mike Davis v. Victor Gonzales

Victor works the arm while Davis complains to the referee, but then Davis dedicates a kneelift to Mexico and that gets two. I wonder, does Gonzales know El Bandolero, since they’re both from Mexico and all? Davis continues beating on Gonzales and gets a suplex for two. Axe kick finishes at 6:47. This is apparently called “The Leg O Matic” for those keeping track. ½*

Mike Davis joins the announcers and does an interview where he tries to sound like Jake Roberts and promises a mysterious partner for the upcoming tag team tournament.

Next week: The tournament continues! Hopefully with better talent and more interesting matches than this week of filler provided.