The SmarK Rant for GWF Supercard – 07.22.91

The SmarK Rant for GWF Supercard – 07.22.91

Taped from Dallas, TX

Your hosts are Craig Johnson & Scott Hudson

It’s time to wrap up the GWF TV title tournament! I know you’re all on the edge of your seat wondering who’s gonna win, but wonder no longer!

OK, wonder a LITTLE while longer, because first we have to recap the semi-finals, which in this case means literally replaying ALL THREE MATCHES in their entirety, meaning the entire first 30 minutes of the 60 minute show is reused footage from the last episode.

Boni Blackstone talks with Bob Hazelwood, who holds some kind of position in the GWF that isn’t clear to me.

TV title tournament final #1: Chris Walker v. The Patriot

This match finally starts at 35:00 into the show, by the way. Although first I got to watch a commercial for the LASERBEAM WATCH, which blew people’s minds back in 1991. I know there’s an audience of a certain age who watches that commercial and gets a nostalgia rush. I just got a new Apple Watch SE for an early Father’s Day gift from my family, and that shit would make people think I was possessed by the devil if I ever went back in time to the 90s and showed someone. I think it even tells time, I’m not 100% sure because mostly I just use it to pay for shit and monitor my numerous text messages about Missy Hyatt and Jim Ross while I’m trying to work. Buddy Landel hangs out at ringside while Patriot and Walker do an endless lockup and stall for the first 3:00 or so, and Walker keeps getting distracted by Buddy. They trade boring armbars and do some pretend mat wrestling, but Patriot gets a slam and Walker reverses another one into a cradle for two. Patriot slugs away with forearms, but misses a charge and Walker goes to work on the arm. So Patriot slams out of that and this is so boring that even the Globaldome idiots don’t pop for any of it. Granted this was the final stretch of what had to have been 5 hours straight of tapings in the sweatbox that was the Sportatorium in June, so I wouldn’t be filled with energy either. Patriot goes up and misses the Patriot Missile, but then Walker goes to the top and Buddy pushes him off, and Patriot gets the pin at 8:46 to advance to the final finale finals. Wow, way to make Patriot look like a chump who got lucky. ½*

The Patriot chats with Joe, talking about Desert Storm and scud missiles and other patriotic stuff. Joe is like “Where did this body come from?” and Patriot gives him a look like “I’m flattered, but…”. Tremendous.

Jim Cornette and Stan Lane stop by and insult the fans.

The announcers put over all the exciting GWF touring action, like the Sportatorium, where they’re doing a tag team tournament next week! So go out and see them, as long as you happen to live in Dallas and want to see them at the Sportatorium!

TV title tournament final finale finals: The Patriot v. Buddy Landel

Buddy goes after the injured arm and puts Patriot down with a clothesline and then stops to jaw with the fans. Meanwhile the announcers describe the previous match as “the most grueling one of the entire tournament”. I love shoot comments that aren’t supposed to be shoot comments. Buddy fights out of the devastating armbar, but Buddy cuts him off with a back elbow and drops an elbow for two. Buddy with the figure-four and he grabs the ropes for the easy heat from the marks, who are absolutely SHRIEKING in horror at Buddy’s cheating. The classics always work. Except when they don’t. I hope you learned something about wrestling today. Patriot fights out and makes the comeback and a clothesline gets two. Buddy uses his finishers, the rollup with his feet on the ropes, but that only gets two, and Patriot rolls him up for the pin and the title at 6:00. This was a super weak pair of finishes trying to protect Buddy, which was super weird because he literally did one more taping (where he worked about 17 matches, granted) and then he was gone anyway. *

And finally the Patriot does his victory promo with the title, finally wrapping up the marathon of footage from the original June 28-29 taping sessions nearly a month later.

So yeah, that’s the first tournament for the GWF wrapped up, with the obvious winner winning. It was fine. I would have been happy if TSN had carried this show to replace the AWA back in 1991 and I would have watched it, but they didn’t carry it and so I didn’t watch it at the time. I’ll keep with it, though. It’s harmless entertainment and easy to watch. For now.