The SmarK Rant for Georgia Championship Wrestling – 02.02.80

The SmarK Rant for Georgia Championship Wrestling – 02.02.80

Taped from Atlanta, GA

Your host is Gordon Solie

Ole & Lars Anderson join us to start and they’re looking for all the tag team titles, but they’ll start with the Georgia one. Ole is still getting used to having the fans on their side instead of calling for their deaths. And they’re sick of all the crap that the Russians have been getting away with, both the wrestlers and the country in general, and they’re gonna get revenge on them FOR AMERICA at the Omni.

Meanwhile, we get the finish of the Superstar v. Mr. Wrestling II match from the Omni, as Superstar tries to climb the pole and get the $3000, but Wrestling II pulls him down and ties him in the ropes before getting the money himself to win. And then Mephisto and Killer Khan hit the ring and it’s a three-on-one (II?) beatdown. And the heels steal his $3000 and leave. Back in the studio, ancient promoter Paul Jones notes that he got the money back from the heels, and now it’s a cage match between the competitors to decide who gets the money once and for all.

Meanwhile, Dusty Rhodes is set to defend the NWA World title in Orlando, but Terry Funk attacks him from behind and destroys him, coming off the top with a kneedrop to break his arm. And so Harley Race regains the belt and Dusty is big mad about it.

Meanwhile, Terry Funk has a big board explaining the rules of a Texas Death match. Notably, there’s a big pirate skull at the top to show it’s serious, but here’s the rules as defined by the Funk family since time began in Texas:

1. No Stopping Because of Blood
2. No Time Limit
3. Falls Do Not Count
4. No Count To Answer the Bell
5. MUST BE A WINNER

So apparently Dory Funk Sr. won 250 of those matches, but now he’s dead and the Funk brothers have inherited the title of King of the Texas Death Match and so Terry is putting his title on the line against Dusty Rhodes, who is an EGG SUCKING DOG and CHOLESTEROL KING with those disgusting varicose veins in his legs. And yeah, he’s got a big fat gut, but does he have enough guts to be KING OF THE TEXAS DEATH MATCH?

Dusty Rhodes complains that Terry Funk is trying to make him an endangered species, and we’ll find out that isn’t the case this weekend in the Omni, and in fact he’s going to break one of Terry’s limbs.

Terry Funk v. Ricky Stone

Funk gives him a delayed atomic drop and chops him down before hitting a very delayed vertical suplex and putting the boots to him. Funk with a neckbreaker and then he finishes with the piledriver at 1:40. Afterwards, Terry tells Dusty to bring his big fat mama and even fatter daddy and maybe even all the big fat members of his big fat family because it’ll just motivate Dusty to keep getting up in the Texas Death Match and Terry wants to keep torturing him. We do not deserve Terry Funk.

The Masked Superstar is pissed off about “Ayatollah Paul Jones” stealing his $3000 after he rightly claimed it from Mr. Wrestling II fair and square at the Omni. And they hate each other so much that they have to have a cage match to settle things and determine who is the alpha masked man in Georgia. So the cage match will be the last match between them.

Austin Idol v. Steve Travis

Travis is out of his gear because he has an acute hangnail, and it’s a really bad one. He had to tape it up and everything. Luckily, Kevin Sullivan is available.

Austin Idol v. Kevin Sullivan

Sullivan hits the ring, but Idol slams him and drops an elbow on him before slugging away in desperation to keep him down. But then Sullivan fires up and proceeds to kicking his ass, beating on him relentlessly in the corner and shoving the ref away before kicking Idol’s ass some more. He goes for a cover, but the ref won’t count because he’s still dazed, so Idol pulls out a foreign object and knocks out Sullivan for the pin. Steve Travis tries to tell the ref about the shenanigans, but Idol lays him out, so Sullivan takes Travis’s belt off and whips Idol with it and chases him away. Back at the desk, Sullivan promises that the evil is gonna come out of him next time he sees Idol and he’s gonna rip off Idol’s hide and present it to anyone in the crowd who dares to cheer for Idol. So they’re gonna do a Boston street fight at the Omni and it’s gonna go badly for Idol.

Austin Idol decides to double down on insulting Sullivan’s family, claiming that Kevin’s mother kept the house filthy, and rats were crawling all over the place and gave them all diseases, so now he’s gonna beat Sullivan to death and spit on his grave. Y’all watching this Bloodline stuff and calling it CINEMA just don’t know how wrestling is supposed to be, man. This is the GOOD STUFF.

Mr. Wrestling II & Andre the Giant v. The Collector, Bob Owens & Bobby Garrett

The Collector returns, possibly because there was a convention in the area. Wrestling II backdrops Garrett and he quickly tags out to Owens, who also takes a backdrop. Andre paws Owens from the apron and Wrestling II gets a FULL BODY LIFT AND SLAM for two. Over to the Collector, but Andre casually sits on him with a big smile on his face. Collector begs for mercy, so Andre gives him a huge backdrop and Collector tries to run away. Andre bearhugs him, but one of the other geeks breaks it up, so Andre just shoots him an annoyed look and then goes after and destroys both guys on the apron while Wrestling II slams Collector for two. His CGC grading is dropping from 9.8 Near Mint to 7.0 Very Fine as we speak. Finally Collector tags in Owens again, as apparently the other guys haven’t learned their lesson yet, so Wrestling II beats him down and hits him with the kneelift. Back to Andre, who hits the poor guy with a giant splash for the pin at 5:19. God I love wrestling. Wrestling is just the best.

Back at the desk, Andre talks about facing three guys at the Omni, and Wrestling II just gives him a big hug because he’s so happy to have the Giant backing him up.

Ole Anderson v. Ken Hawk

Ole quickly slams the jobber and chinlocks him with time running out in the first hour, and then puts him down with a back elbow and backdrops him before throwing him out to the floor. Ole continues beating him down and adds a kneelift to finish at 2:10.

Back at the desk, Ole wants to be proud to be American and he’s sick of people who aren’t from America saying that USA IS NOT OK and claiming that their country is better than America, which is clearly not true.

Austin Idol returns in the second hour to continue insulting Kevin Sullivan’s family, this time noting that Kevin’s dad was a worthless drunk, having not learned his lesson in the first hour.

Austin Idol v. Louis Haney

Idol quickly gets a backbreaker and then beats Haney down and drops knees on him before adding a suplex. Figure-four finishes at 1:10.

Abdullah the Butcher v. Chic Donovan

Butcher attacks him and sends him to the floor right away, where Mephisto puts the boots to him. Back in the ring, Butcher with a running samoan drop and then he goes to the middle rope and drops the big elbow for two, picking him up. And then a second one finishes at 1:31. He turned him into a Chiclet with that one.

Tony Atlas is concerned about facing Abdullah the Butcher because he likes walking down the street looking at pretty women and Butcher is threatening his ability to do that.

Terry Funk joins us and although he doesn’t claim to be the greatest wrestler to ever put on the tights, he does claim to be KING OF THE TEXAS DEATH MATCHES and not some ugly goof like Dusty Rhodes. So we get footage again from Orlando, and this is a weird deal because they’re acting like this whole thing is a “Last week in Florida” situation but actually the footage where Dusty dropped the NWA title to Harley Race was in August of 1979, six months before this show. They were portraying it last week like Dusty had just won the title and was the current champion, and then this week they portray it like he just dropped it. I know the internet wasn’t around to give instant results back then but that’s a strangely mangled timeline. So Funk promises to mangle Dusty “until his eyeballs turn to marshmallows”, which certainly sounds effective.

Mr. Wrestling II knows there’s only room in the territory for one masked man, and that’s OK with him because he’s man enough to stand up to Superstar and show that he’s the one. So they’re gonna have the cage match this Sunday at the Omni to determine who that will be. And we get footage of the match from the last Omni show again, as Wrestling II beats Superstar in the shackle match but loses the $3000 to the heels.

Masked Superstar is sick of Wrestling II trying to steal his cobra clutch finisher for himself because he doesn’t know how to apply it right. So he thinks Wrestling II should just allow Superstar to do it to him so he can learn.

Ole & Lars Anderson v. The Collector & Bob Owens

Owens gets double-teamed by the Wrestling Crew, as Lars works the arm, so Bob tags out to the Collector and Ole takes him down with a chicken-wing. No! His arm is going to have be restored now and he won’t be mint condition! Lars comes in with his own hammerlock on the Collector as this poor guy is gonna be more worthless than the “Mr. McMahon & Big Johnny Authority Figure 2 pack” I saw on sale in Wal-Mart the other day for $7. It comes with an NDA you have to sign before you play with it. Ole continues destroying the arm and the Andersons drop a double elbow on the arm, and then Lars cranks on the armbar and submits him at 5:56, as the Collector is forced into a classic Lorne Greene pose and left for dead.

And the Andersons are very excited to break some beautiful Russian arms at the Omni tomorrow night on their way to the World tag team title. Was there even a World tag team title in 1980? Well if there was, they’re gonna win it.

And that’s all for this week! Get your tickets to the Omni show on Sunday RIGHT NOW!