The SmarK Rant for ECW Wrestling on TNN – 08.18.00

The SmarK Rant for ECW Wrestling on TNN – 08.18.00

I know I’ve got Memphis and Georgia and all manner of other stuff waiting for me, but I can see the finish line for ECW now and I’m so close to never having to watch it again! Plus who knows what’s gonna happen to the WWE Network in January when it switches over to Netflix, so I want to make sure it’s done.

Meanwhile, on Hardcore TV, CW Anderson gets a cheap win over Tommy Dreamer, setting up a brawl with Doring & Roadkill against Simon & Swinger that ends with the heels standing tall and doing their goofy pose. CW Anderson just did not fit with those clowns.

Taped from a dark cave in Ft. Lauderdale, FL

Your hosts are Joey Styles & Joel Gertner

The Danger Zone with Lou E. Dangerously starts us off, with special guest Cyrus. Cyrus throws out a warning to Steve Corino about crossing the Network, but Corino and his new best friend Scotty Anton interrupt. Cyrus accuses Corino of basking “in the starlight of my celebrity” and leeching off the Network, and tells “Stevie” that he can’t get over without the Network gimmick. “He hates being called Stevie” notes Joey. So Corino offers to kick Cyrus’s ass TONIGHT IN THIS VERY RING. So Cyrus accepts the challenge…on behalf of Lou E. Dangerously, who seems pretty anxious to fight. Cyrus offers Steve a free shot to the chin…and of course, Scotty Anton turns on Corino and puts him in the Clapper as we quickly cut away to commercial for some reason. Turning Anton babyface so soon would have been a complete waste of time so I’m glad they didn’t. I guess Jack Victory is truly Corino’s only friend.

The FBI v. Psicosis & Tajiri & Mikey Whipwreck

Guido beats on Mikey to start, but Mikey takes him down with a pair of ranas, but Guido catches him in an armbar on the mat. Over to Tony Mamaluke, but Psi gets a leg lariat off the top and the babyfaces double-team Guido. Big Sal comes in and Tajiri beats on him with kicks and then takes out the legs with the help of Mikey, and everyone piles up on the floor in a big mess of dives. Back in, Tajiri and Mikey double-team Tony with stereo seated dropkicks for two. Guido comes in again as the only grownup in the room and works Mikey over in the corner, but Sal misses a charge before recovering with a splash on Mikey thanks to help from Guido. Mikey hits Guido with the whippersnapper and Tajiri gets a hot tag and hits everyone with handspring elbows. But he mists Psicosis by mistake, so Psi turns on him with a low blow and Guido gets the pin at 5:55. Usual match from these guys. **1/2

ECW World title: Justin Credible v. Kid Kash

Rematch from last week’s no contest, and this week there MUST be a winner. Kash gets a sunset flip for two and a rollup for two. Justin bails to the floor, where some people in the front row are pixelated for some reason. I bet Paul Heyman owed THEM money too. Back in the ring, Kash runs him into a chair for two and takes him down with a rana, chasing Justin out of the ring again. So Kash hits him with a dive and back in for two. Justin drops him on a chair for two, and takes over with a beatdown in the corner and a chinlock. Kash with a sunset flip for two while the crowd is very rude to Francine. Joey insinuates that Francine is just a gold digger. Now I’m not saying that she is, but she ain’t messing with…well, you get the idea. Man that song was my JAM in 2004. Ref gets bumped and Rhino runs in for the beatdown, with RVD making the save, and they fight to the floor. So then Justin canes Kash for two, but Kash hits the MoneyMaker and the ref is out again. Rhino runs in a second time and GOARS Kash, but RVD takes out Justin and puts Kash on top for two. They fight to the top, but now Francine hits Kash with the cane and That’s Incredible finishes at 9:34. Last week’s match was way better, as this one was so overdone for a match with no chance of a title change that Vince Russo would be like “Bro, lay off the Adderall.” **1/2

ECW TV title: Rhino v. Rob Van Dam

They do a walking brawl around the arena to start, and back in the ring for a powerbomb. Rob tries an enzuigiri and misses, but he recovers with a heel kick and makes the comeback with an atomic drop. Rhino retreats to the corner, so Rob surfboards the chair into his face and follows with the Rolling Thunder for two. RVD with a moonsault and Van Daminator. Five Star Frog Splash looks to finish, but Justin Credible runs in and attacks Rob for the DQ at 6:45. Rhino has defended the TV title against RVD on TV twice now and they were both really disappointing. Rob in particular was just going through the motions here. Can’t blame him one bit. **

Last week was really good, this week felt like a filler episode before the tag team tournament starts up, which is normally fine but there’s like a month left in the show’s life span before they get cancelled and it’s not like Heyman didn’t know it was coming.