The SmarK Rant for ECW Wrestling on TNN – 08.11.00

The SmarK Rant for ECW Wrestling on TNN – 08.11.00

Taped from Huntington, WV

Your hosts are Joey Styles & Joel Gertner

Lou E. Dangerously is insulting the crowd in the cold open, until they pelt him with garbage and prove his point about them being a bunch of classless trailer park trash. Also Lou doesn’t do a particularly effective imitation of Paul Heyman, aside from the look.

Scotty Anton & Steve Corino join Lou as his guests on the Danger Zone while Joey reads a disclaimer about not throwing objects in the ring if you’re in the crowd, because we follow the rules in ECW! Also I just wanna say that Scotty Riggs making an inspirational comeback in 2024 was not on my bingo card. Speaking of not on my bingo card, Steve Corino goes off on the Network because Cyrus is backing Justin & Rhino in the tag team tournament and abandoning them. Which I guess turns him…babyface? So this brings out Justin Credible to defend his good name, because he doesn’t care about trashing the Network but doesn’t want Corino slagging him personally. Corino claims that Credible would have lost the title ages ago if he hadn’t saved it multiple times. And then Justin starts to do his stupid catchphrase and Steve Corino cuts him off and SAYS WHAT WE’RE ALL THINKING by calling it the lamest catchphrase in wrestling. And this is TOO FAR, so Rhino comes out and demands a fight RIGHT NOW, triggering a brawl until the geeks break it up. Hell of an opening segment for once.

Meanwhile, Lou E confronts Corino and Anton on the way out of the arena, but they don’t even want to talk to Cyrus.

Meanwhile, Justin Credible has been left unfulfilled by the brawl, so he calls out Kid Kash for being “RVD’s butt buddy” and offers him a title shot tonight.

Danny Doring & Roadkill v Tom Marquez & Bill-vis Wesley

I feel like repackaging Wild Billy Wiles into Billvis Wesley probably won’t work any better for him. When has an Elvis impersonator ever gotten over in wrestling? Exactly, never. I rest my case. Roadkill puts Marquez down with a shoulderblock and suplexes him for two, and then goes up with a middle rope elbow and brings in Doring for the Hart Attack. Over to Billvis, and Doring hits him with the Bareback, but he chases after Marquez outside and gets caught by Wesley with a clothesline for two. The heels double-team Doring but Roadkill gets the hot tag and powerslams Billvis before hitting them both with a springboard clothesline for two. Doring with a Paradigm Shift on Marquez and they finish him off with the Buggy Bang at 6:11. This was fine but pretty long for a squash. **

Meanwhile, the Sinister Minister discusses temptation with Mikey & Tajiri. And in fact, you should always give in to temptation. So Mikey fetches Elektra, and Tajiri declares “Me love her long time”, and he gets slapped for it. So Tajiri mists her and Minister makes a joke about “spraying girls in the face”.

Meanwhile, CW Anderson coaches Simon & Swinger to prevent them from being jokes any longer, and he’s sick of their shenanigans.

Tajiri v. EZ Money

They trade wristlocks to start and fight to a stalemate, but Tajiri kicks him down and goes for the Tarantula. Chris Hamrock breaks that up from the floor and Money drops Tajiri with a Strong Zero for two and a standing moonsault for two. Tajiri kicks him down and hits his own moonsault for two. But then Hamrick trips up Tajiri and Money hits a BUCKSHOT LARIAT for two. Interesting! Julio Fantastico comes in for a double team suplex on Tajiri, and that gets two. Money wraps up Tajiri in a bow and arrow submission, but Tajiri breaks free and hits Hamrick with a handspring to get rid of him. Another handspring on Money is followed by the tornado DDT, and buzzsaw kick to finish at 4:50. Money and Hamrick were a really fun, underrated team and Money was making the most of his TV time here. ***. The heels try to triple-team Tajiri, but he kicks all of their asses at the same time. So next the FBI comes in and beats him down, but this time Mikey Whipwreck makes the save with what appears to be…yes…a giant flaming torch. I’ll allow it.

ECW World title: Justin Credible v. Kid Kash

Joey clarifies the “RVD’s Butt Buddy” comment by noting that Kash and RVD are partners in the upcoming tag team tournament. OK I’m gonna say it: That tournament looks like a banger. If only someone had given me some kind of advanced notice, over and over! But no one ever did. We get a replay of the brawl from earlier, with a running joke about a guy in the background who had to be blurred out because he was ashamed of appearing on TNN. They trade hammerlocks and Kash throws chops on him to chase him to the floor, and then follows with a springboard dive. They brawl on the floor and Kash sends him into the crowd and dives over the railing onto him. Back in the ring, but Credible catches him with a superkick out of the corner and smashes Kash into a chair to take over. Justin cuts a promo on him while putting the boots to him and makes sure to do his stupid catchphrase to really torture Kash, but he misses a charge and Kash legdrops him for two. “So we…LIKE CORINO NOW?” wonders Joel incredulously. Francine trips up Kash to cut off his comeback, and Justin canes him for two. Francine interferes again and this time it backfires and Kash rolls up Justin for two. To the top for a rana, and that gets two, but Francine takes out the ref this time. So Kash goes after her, but Justin saves, and Kash beats on him with chop. And then Rhino runs in, spears Kash, and they beat Kash down until RVD makes the save for the no-contest at 7:14. And we’re OUTTA TIME for the week. ***1/2

Wait a second…hold on…you mean to tell me that if you put on a show with a clear direction that makes sense and good matches that don’t overstay their welcome instead of spending the hour bitching and moaning about your TV deal…then you get a GOOD SHOW? Where’s the Vice TV documentary about THAT?

A very enjoyable episode as the promotion circles the drain.