The SmarK Rant for ECW Wrestling on TNN – 07.28.00

The SmarK Rant for ECW Wrestling on TNN – 07.28.00

Taped from Peoria, IL. Are they literally shooting this in a cave? I know money was tight but maybe put a goddamn table lamp in the corner or something so you can see what’s going on. Things are getting so bad that even Dave Meltzer has basically stopped covering the TV show in the Observer at this point, by the way.

Your hosts are Joey Styles & Joel Gertner

ECW TV title: Rhino v. Chilly Willy

We’re inexplicably joined in progress with Chilly Willy getting some near-falls on Rhino after a chairshot, but Rhino puts him down with the GOAR and finishes with the piledriver at 1:00 aired. Were they seriously pushing someone named CHILLY WILLY as a potential star and threat? Anyway, Sandman hits the ring and attacks Rhino afterwards to continue that endless feud.

Billy Corgan (of the Smashing Pumpkins) joins us for a world premiere acoustic number in the ring, but Lou E. Dangerously (Network Music Consultant) interrupts, with Scotty Anton now reduced to playing second banana to Wish Paul Heyman. So Lou talks about how Corino punked out Fred Durst, and now he’s gonna punk out Corgan. Lou also notes that Corgan broke up the Smashing Pumpkins due to his enormous ego (Fact check: TRUE) and the Pumpkins can no longer sell records in the US to save their lives (Fact check: TRUE) but Corgan wins the argument by smashing a guitar on his head. Oh sure, when JEFF JARRETT was doing it in WCW at the same time, people bitched about it, but when a lesser music star like Corgan does it, it’s somehow cool? SHENANIGANS! So then Tommy Dreamer and Jerry Lynn come out to back up Corgan, and challenge “Riggs” and Corino to a Peoria Death Match later tonight. There is of course way more to the Corgan appearance but we’ll get to that in a bit.

Psicosis v. Tajiri

Before Tajiri can make it to the ring, Big Sal and Little Guido attack him in the aisle and beat him down with a chair, and Guido apparently takes the match. So we take a break and pick it up with Psi tossing Guido to the floor and following with a dive while Gertner makes racist jokes about Mexican hookers, and Psi gets two in the ring. Guido comes back with a facejam for two. Sicilian Slice gets two. Psicosis with a sunset flip for two, but Guido clotheslines him into a jackknife for two. They slug it out and Guido goes for the finish, but Psi escapes that, so Guido gets a Boston crab. But then Tajiri runs in and kicks him in the face to break it up, and Psicosis goes up with a flying legdrop to finish at 4:48. Just a match.

Meanwhile, we get a clip of Kid Kash doing a top rope rana on EZ Money over on Hardcore TV for the win. Joey says that there’s no doubt he’ll be a future champion. I think he won the WWE Cruiserweight title at one point, if that counts.

Meanwhile, on Hardcore TV, Pierre the Amazing French Canadian Quebecer Pirate puts Francine through a table with a powrslam, but gets pinned by Justin Credible as a result. This is soundtracked by Gertner and Dawn Marie on commentary doing the most annoying banter humanly possible. I think my ears are literally bleeding.

Meanwhile, RVD is moving on after being Scotty Anton but doesn’t specify any particular opponent.

Meanwhile, Gertner and Dawn Marie continue their stupid routine.

The Blue Boy joins us with Jasmine St. Clair. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: Brian just did not look healthy or happy forcing himself to be that thin and I’m glad he eventually got back to a more stable weight. Anyway Jazz comes out and brawls and this show is falling apart rapidly.

Peoria Street Fight Death Match: Steve Corino & Scotty Anton v. Tommy Dreamer & Jerry Lynn

Dreamer hits Corino with a neckbreaker while Anton brawls with Lynn on the floor, but Scotty gets THE CLAPTRAP submission on Dreamer and Lynn has to save him. Well, obviously. You don’t escape the Claptrap! Lynn dives onto the circus of geeks on the floor and they fight into the crowd. Well it can’t be lit any worse than the ring. So they do the usual walking brawl around the arena and Corino is bleeding due to someone. Let’s say…Moe. Dreamer suplexes Anton into the ring and whips him into a ladder in the corner. But then, and I know this will shock you to the core, Dreamer ends up getting whipped into the ladder headfirst. Lynn uses the ladder to beat on Corino and then does a whole thing to set up a ladder bridge on two chairs. But then Corino just runs him into the ladder and the whole thing collapses. Well that was pointless. The heels make the babyfaces do the Clap and that enrages them, while Gertner goes on a bit about prostate exams. Ref is bumped as part of some kind of weird long term story with Jerry Lynn, and Dreamer, in a move that will shock you to your core, gets hit in the nuts by the ladder. The babyfaces hit piledrivers, but Jack Victory beats up the second ref to save. So Billy Corgan (of the Smashing Pumpkins) comes out and apparently he’s a referee now too and he counts the pin instead at 11:00. I don’t know if my scathing sarcasm came through 100% here but I was bored out of my fucking mind watching them sleepwalk through this garbage. Just the same cookie cutter smoke-and-mirrors brawl they do every week but with different guys. *

This was an all time terrible episode, basically just stitched together from a bunch of TV taping footage with whoever they actually decided to fly in that week. For example, Cyrus wasn’t even at the tapings because they were trying to save money. This was a TV episode from a company that has given up all hope of remaining on the station and isn’t shy about expressing it.

As for Corgan, he was at the show because Paul Heyman was trying to con him into investing in the company in a desperate attempt to save it. The offer was apparently $1 million for a 10% stake in the company, which is laughable on the face of it and Corgan rightly figured that his money would barely cover payroll before disappearing for good. Of course Billy would make more foolish decisions later in his efforts to be a Respected Wrestling Promoter, but hey, it’s his money.