The SmarK Rant for ECW Wrestling on TNN – 07.23.00

The SmarK Rant for ECW Wrestling on TNN – 07.23.00

That date can’t be right. It should be July 21 because otherwise that would mean the show was airing on a Sunday.

Anyway we’re in the aftermath of Heat Wave, which did kind of surprisingly poor in terms of engagement on the blog, as we march to the end of ECW on TNN. I think there’s one PPV redo left to go before I don’t have to watch this promotion anymore.

Taped from Poughkeepsie NY

Your hosts are Joey Styles & Joel “She’ll think she’s constipated when she’s being penetrated” Gertner. This brings out Dawn Marie, still wandering aimlessly through life like the metaphorical plastic bag after the departure of Lance Storm. So Joel makes some gross come-ons to her, but Paul Heyman has BREAKING NEWS! STEVE CORINO HAS PLACED A BOUNTY ON THE HEAD OF JERRY LYNN! Are we sure Gertner wasn’t in Edmonton for that ROH taping on Wednesday night?

Da Baldies v. Jerry Lynn & Mystery Partner

Da Baldies are out there trying to claim the bounty, so they attack before Lynn’s partner can even come out, and double-team him. But then it turns out that Tommy Dreamer is the partner and he cleans house.

Da Baldies v. Jerry Lynn & Tommy Dreamer

Dreamer is feeling like the Chris Jericho of ECW 2000 right now. I know the roster is decimated at this point but man they desperately needed to push some fresh talent because the product was so stale at this point. So they do the usual walking brawl around the arena and Tommy does a goofy spot where he puts the ringbell on Angel’s crotch and rings it. But then he misses a charge and hits the post before recovering by hanging Angel in the Tree of Woe and stepping on his crotch for further testicular torsion. But if you thought that Tommy could go for an entire match without getting hit in the nuts, you’re DEAD WRONG, because Angel drops him crotch-first on the railing to take over. Also I have no idea where Lynn and Vito have been all this time, but DeVito is bleeding from whatever he was doing. Baldies with a double flapjack on Dreamer. Jazz runs in and takes out Vito and Tommy dives onto Angel to put him through a table outside. Back in the ring, Jerry Lynn finishes DeVito with the cradle piledriver at 9:14. This was for everyone who loves ballshots, Tommy Dreamer selling, and Tommy Dreamer selling ballshots. ½*. Speaking of driving me nuts, watching this show and WCW 2000 at the same time is very vexing because I keep confusing Big Vito with Tony DeVito, mainly because they’re mostly the same guy anyway.

Afterwards, Steve Corino and Scotty Anton attack, apparently with Corino looking to collect his own bounty, but we cut away and never resolve what happens.

Meanwhile, Simon & Swinger hang out with their new friend CW Anderson, who has NO sense of humor.

ECW World title: Justin Credible v. Tajiri

Tajiri controls with kicks to start and boots Justin off the apron and into the railing. This poor guy takes all these crazy bumps and his title reign is just dying on the vine. Back in the ring, Justi catches him with a superkick and drops Tajiri onto a chair to take over. Justin slugs away in the corner, but Tajiri fires back with a head kick, so Justin goes to the nuts and follows with a chinlock. Tajiri with a rana, but Francine hits him with the cane and Justin gets a DDT for two. Tajiri goes up and Francine interferes again and draws Tajiri to the floor, so Tajiri mists her and hits Justin with a tombstone in the ring. I’m almost disappointed Joel didn’t make a remark about spewing stuff in Francine’s face. Tajiri with the handspring elbow and he brings a table into the ring and then goes after Francine, but Justin saves her and Tajiri gets a missile dropkick over the table, nearly smashing his hand into it in the process. I thinking Justin must still be concussed because the Tommy match on the PPV was garbage and this one is being 100% carried by Tajiri while Justin awkwardly bumps around the ring. Tajiri with a double stomp for two and a small package for two. Moonsault misses and Justin hits his move for the pin at 9:17 to retain. This was ROUGH, with both guys missing stuff left and right, but it had tremendous heat. ***

Ballz Mahoney v. Rob Van Dam

They trade shots to start and Ballz does the wacky punches, but Rob sends him to the floor and follows with the dive. They fight on the floor and Rob goes into the railing, and Ballz runs him into the post and dumps him into the front row. Kind of weird that Mahoney got squashed in the PPV opener by comedy guy Big Sal and then they just turn around and stick him into the main event of this show with no followup of that loss. Rob manages to hit a Van Daminator on the floor, where it hurts more, and that busts Ballz open. Back in the ring, a legdrop gets two. Ballz with a cradle, but Rob puts him down with a dropkick, but Mahoney gets a spinebuster for two. To the top, but he misses the legdrop and Fonzie helps out for another Van Daminator and the frog splash. Ballz reverses that to a cradle for two, and they fight to the top, where Ballz gets the Nutcracker from the top rope for two. Chairshot gets two. Ballz grabs the bell and charges Rob with it, but he trips and knocks himself out in the corner. Rolling Thunder gets two off that. But with Ballz conveniently dazed in the corner, Rob goes up and hits him with the Van Terminator to finish at 10:38. Shockingly heatless for an RVD match in 2000, as they just didn’t mesh at all. *1/2. Also they spent weeks building up the whole selling point of the PPV as seeing the deadly Van Terminator, and then just gave it away on free TV without even ADVERTISING it a week later? That move should have been the ultimate ace in the hole, where you have the Network ban it and threaten him with suspension if he does it on TV because it’s too dangerous, and then he’s in a blood feud with someone and has to pull it out on PPV where you can see it only if you pay $25 because then the Network can’t stop him.

This was a completely lame duck show after the PPV that advanced nothing and didn’t even try to start new storylines. Which is fine for WWF or even WCW at the time, but Heyman literally had something like 8 shows left on TNN at this point and knew it well in advance, so you’d think they’d be going all out with what little time they had left on national TV. Instead it’s “Wah, we’re the victim, TNN is so mean to us, here’s a lazy three match show of nothing because we don’t care anymore”.

Next time: Billy Corgan stops by and things get sadder.