The SmarK Rant for ECW Wrestling on TNN – 07.14.00

The SmarK Rant for ECW Wrestling on TNN – 07.14.00

A lot of people seem to be sticking around after the usual WM / RAW-after-WM bump so fair warning, this is more in line with what I provide on a regular basis in terms of content. If you don’t love discussing old dead wrestling promotions I’m probably not your guy.

Taped from the Bingo Hall

Your hosts are Joey Styles & Joel “I’m a sexual deviant and a bedroom menace, when I watch Wimbledon I like to watch the little 18 year old girls play tennis. The way they use their rackets and ball control, makes me want to play with my balls and shove my racket in their holes” Gertner. Well that’s a little problematic.

Raven quickly interrupts, still on his farewell tour, and Joey welcomes him with “Scotty, it’s been a long road” so you know he’s SHOOTING. This brings out the other Scotty, as in Rob Van Dam’s former best friend Scott Anton, and Cyrus points out that all of Raven’s titles and blood mean nothing to the Network. The crowd chants “USA” in a fairly witty rejoinder. And then Cyrus accuses Raven of stealing his gimmick from THE JACKYL. Raven: “Are we going somewhere with this? I just want to leave.” But then Anton attacks and we’ve got a match.

Rob Van Dam’s Former Best Friend Scotty Anton v. Raven

Raven quickly hits Anton with the Evenflow DDT, but Rhino runs in and goars him and the beatdown commences. But then Sandman and Lori Fullington save and Sandman beats on Rhino with the cane while Lori chokes out Cyrus and officials pull them apart while the crowd goes nuts. Meanwhile poor Raven gets the Clapper on the floor.

Meanwhile, Rob Van Dam announces that he’s going to introduce a brand new move to destroy Anton, called the “Van Terminator”. The move certainly did live up to the hype.

Meanwhile, Gary Wolfe is back and I literally forgot that he came back last time, but Blue Meanie (in his weird “Blue Boy” skinny period) and Jasmine St. Clair come out of the bathroom stall to mock Wolfe’s flabby body. Wolfe doesn’t take it in the helpful spirit that it’s intended, so Jasmine hits him in the nuts and they leave.

Tajiri v. Mikey Whipwreck

Mikey takes him to the apron and tries a guillotine, but he misses and lands on the apron and Tajiri kicks him into the railing. But then Mikey runs him into the railing to take over and brings him back in with another guillotine that works this time. Mikey with a head kick for two off that. Tajiri goes up and mists Mikey, however, and a tornado DDT gets two. Tajiri with the Octopus and Mikey taps at 4:00. Fast paced but not much to the match. **

Meanwhile, Justin Credible promises EXTREME and HARDCORE in the first ever barbed wire ladder match at the PPV this Sunday. If he wasn’t trying to be HHH with his grunting sex voice promos all the time he might have been a little more tolerable.

Simon & Swinger join us and they’re tired of being a comedy act, so CW Anderson hits the ring and decides to help them by taking out the entourage of doofuses. So CW throws out an open challenge, and Doring & Roadkill answer and quickly get laid out by the newly serious team of Simon & Swinger & Anderson. But then BEAUTIFUL BOBBY makes the most random cameo ever and takes out Simon & Swinger before getting overwhelmed by the heels. So I guess that sets up a six-man at the PPV. I definitely didn’t remember Bobby Eaton being in ECW in 2000.

Meanwhile, Simon & Swinger do some comedy, and CW Anderson wants NO MORE COMEDY.

Dream Partner Tag Team match: Steve Corino & Rhino v. Jerry Lynn & Sandman

The heels attack Lynn before he can announce his partner, so he crawls to the corner and cracks open a beer to summon Sandman to save. So it’s a big brawl on the floor to start and Joey announces that we now know Jerry Lynn is not with the Network. Wait, what? Did I miss a week? Was that meandering match last time where Lynn accidentally screwed over by Corino supposed to be the big angle? Anyway they all wander around throwing punches and Sandman gets the cane and beats on everyone in the ring, but Corino gets a neckbreaker on him for two. Lynn makes the save, but Cyrus runs in and double-teams Lynn along with Corino, which sets up a superkick for two. And then Spike Dudley runs in and helps Sandman do 3D on Rhino for the pin at 5:38. Just the usual ECW shmoz. **

And then Paul Heyman does a voiceover with the hard sell for the PPV, trying to convince us that Tommy Dreamer has any shot whatsoever at winning the World title from Justin Credible.

I thought although the wrestling was nonexistent, the super-hot Philly crowd and frenetic pace made it one of the better episodes of the year. It was easy to watch and flew by, which hasn’t been the case for many of the TNN shows.

Next time: ECW Heat Wave 2000 redo!