The SmarK Rant for ECW Wrestling on TNN – 05.26.00

The SmarK Rant for ECW Wrestling on TNN – 05.26.00

We begin with a somber black and white highlight package of the Sandman-Rhino match from the PPV, complete with orchestral score.

Taped from Duluth, GA

Your hosts are Joey Styles & Joel Gertner

Meanwhile, Steven Prazak seeks out Justin Credible in the locker room, wondering about the rumored concussion suffered against Raven. This really offends him for some reason.

Meanwhile, Simon Diamond talks to the bathroom mirror and tells himself that he’s sick of being a comedy act and needs a new partner. So Johnny Swinger comes out of the stall and declares himself Simon’s new partner. Amazingly, Swinger is still kicking in TNA 23 years later.

Masato Tanaka v. Balls Mahoney

This is a rematch from Hardcore Heaven and Joey ponders why the Mahoneys decided to name their child “Balls”. And then Joel quips that he actually has a sister named “Clitoris Mahoney” as they’re just trying to get thrown off the network now, it seems like. They slug it out to start and Balls wins that battle, but Tanaka comes back with a dropkick and controls the arm. Balls slugs him down again and gets a short arm clothesline for two and tries a leg lariat, but they kind of tumble through the ropes to the apron while Joel makes some really racist jokes about Asians. They fight on the floor and Tanaka sends him into the railing and follows with a running chairshot. Back in with a powerslam for two. Frog splash gets two. Balls with a spinebuster that gets two and he goes up with his own frog splash for two. And we get the chair duel, which actually ends with Tanaka going down for once, and that gets two for Balls. Tanaka fires back with his own chairs and Balls no-sells them and then does a dead drop sell, as Tanaka gets two. Roaring elbow gets two. Tanaka sets up a pile of chairs and tries the tornado DDT, but Balls hits the Nutcracker on the chairs instead for two. Tanaka comes back with the Diamond Dust press for two and goes up with a flying chair, but Mahoney superkicks it back at him and retrieves a table from under the ring. And we add a bag of thumbtacks of course, but Tanaka hits the tornado DDT through the table and the tacks and that gets the pin at 11:10. Match was mostly the same as the PPV one, which meant it was really good. ***1/2. And in fact this was the last televised appearance for Tanaka in ECW as far as I know.

Meanwhile, Big Sal interrupts the Minister’s monologue, so Mikey throws fire again to save him.

Meanwhile, Prazak bugs Tommy Dreamer this time, but Tommy throws him out of the locker room.

Tajiri v. Rob Van Dam’s FORMER Best Friend Scotty Anton

Anton and the Network crew try to lead the crowd in the American Males clap but it doesn’t catch on. And then Cyrus does a very long, rambling promo about how Scotty is here to “give everyone the clap” and talks about all the ladies that they’re bagging backstage. But having two wrestlers with the same hair color is a “ratings killer” so he’s bringing Jerry Lynn out to face Tajiri instead.

Tajiri v. Jerry Lynn

I’m not sure why Lynn would want to go along with this but he seems fine with it. Tajiri escapes a headlock and dropkicks Lynn out of mid-air in a neat spot, but Lynn fires back with a backbreaker and a Gory Special. Tajiri fights back with kicks to put Lynn down and follows with a handspring elbow. Lynn tries a tornado DDT and Tajiri drops him on the turnbuckle to counter, but Lynn dropkicks him to the floor and follows with a dive. Back in, Tajiri tries a sleeper and then powerbombs him instead, for two. Meanwhile Joel goes on an extended bitter rant on TNN as they totally ignore the match and bury the network. Lynn with a powerbomb for two and a Michinoku driver for two as the match is surprisingly meandering and relatively heatless. Lynn grabs a chair, but the Network clowns interfere and take out Tajiri behind his back, so Lynn finishes with the cradle piledriver at 7:20. This was OK but very disappointing. **1/2. The Network proceeds to beating on Tajiri, but RVD saves and Anton attacks him and puts him in a Sharpshooter. So Tajiri blows the dreaded red mist to break it up and clear the ring.

And we finish with a montage of Dawn Marie’s ECW career, before Prazak goes to find Raven, who is the one guy who will talk to him because he’ll talk to anyone. But then Francine barges in and calls him a loser and a has been, before Justin lays him out with the cane to end the show.

They seemed to be building towards a Justin/Dreamer/Raven three-way at the Heat Wave show here, but that’s not where they ended up. Couple of decent matches on this show, but the stuff with them constantly attacking TNN over and over comes off as SUCH low-rent sour grapes.