The SmarK Rant for ECW Wrestling on TNN – 04.07.00

The SmarK Rant for ECW Wrestling on TNN – 04.07.00

Taped from Richmond, VA

Your hosts are Joey Styles & Joel “The ladies always love it when I’m here in Virginia because tonight in their hometown I’m gonna be smooth up in ya” Gertner

Francine joins us to start, but she’s unexpectedly joined by Raven and they’re dressed in matching douchebag attire. Twinsies! Raven thinks Joey is paying too much attention to the dirtsheets and the internet, and in fact he had nothing to do with the Baldies attacking Tommy Dreamer. Francine notes that she is also a baldie but can’t show us on TV, which has Joel doing his little dance in excitement. So Joey thinks maybe she was the one behind it, but Da Baldies interrupt and get into a brawl with Raven.

Meanwhile, the Sinister Minister recaps the storyline thus far and turns Mikey into a marionette.

Kid Kash v. Steve Corino

Corino has switched from his original singlet gear to a Barry Windham cowboy boots and black trunks look and it’s an immediate improvement. Like he looks like an actual wrestling star now. Also the arena is a much better look than last week’s barn. Kash chases Corino to the floor and hits him with a somersault dive. Back in the ring, Kash with chops, but he charges and runs into an elbow, and Corino gets a powerbomb for two. They fight to the floor and Corino runs him into the railing, and back in Kash gets a springboard crossbody for two. Corino puts him down again and drops the bionic elbow for two. Kash comes back with a flying rana and the ref gets bumped by Jack Victory as a result. Kash hits a Tiger Driver for a visual pinfall, but Rhino runs in and spears Kash for the pin at 5:45. Match was going decently but then turned into the usual parade of ref bumps and run-ins. **

Meanwhile, Little Guido prepares for his TV title match next week, but Cyrus barges in and adds Tajiri to the match for a THREE WAY DANCE. Cyrus promises that Tajiri will do the dirty work and then Guido can just get the pin and be the new face of the Network. Guido of course takes him completely at this word.

Meanwhile, Cyrus explains the situation to Tajiri and clarifies that TNN stands for “The Nippon Network”.

ECW TV Title: Super Crazy v. Mikey Whipwreck

Joel points out the irony of Crazy being TV champion, in that back in Mexico his TV only had two channels. To be fair, here in Saskatoon there’s only two channels broadcasting over the air as well. They immediately fight to the floor and Mikey drops Crazy onto the guardrail with a nasty bump, and back in the ring Mikey gets a backbreaker while the announcers shift their cheapshots from TNN to WCW. The classics never die I guess. Crazy fights back with a springboard moonsault for two and does the punching gimmick in the corner, but Mikey puts him down with a guillotine legdrop for two. Mikey with a legsweep for two, but he goes up and Crazy brings him down with a powerbomb and moonsault for the pin at 4:31. This was fine and Mikey improved a ton after his time in WCW. **1/2.

Meanwhile, Tommy Dreamer can’t believe it’s the year 2000 and people still collecting bounties. Also Raven is nothing without him.

Angel of Da Baldies v. Tommy Dreamer

Tommy does some math and decides he’s outnumbered, so he brings out the Sandman to be his partner. Well that’ll give me 5 minutes to go refresh my drink.

Da Baldies v. The Sandman & Tommy Dreamer

So we take a break and return with a recap of all the violence that happened during the commercial, picking it up with Dreamer hitting DeVito in the crotch with barbed wire, but then he misses an elbowdrop and lands on a ladder. Da Baldies triple-team Sandman and Angel stops to cut a promo about how smart they are, but Raven runs in and joins the babyface team, pinning DeVito with the DDT at 2:41 aired. Match was cut down to nothing. ½*.

So then Raven and Dreamer have a showdown, but Mike Awesome interrupts and reveals that Jeff Jones was the one who put the hit on Tommy Dreamer all along. And then Awesome turns on Raven and puts him through a table, then powerbombs Tommy through a table as well. This was basically Paul Heyman writing Raven out at this point.

Meanwhile, Judge Jeff Jones reveals that he was watching old tapes of Memphis and came up with the idea of doing the bounty gimmick to amuse himself. But then Awesome demands the payoff for claiming the bounty. I guess we should have known that Awesome was a sellout. As far as payoffs go, “I was watching old tapes and decided to do a bounty for lolz” is pretty far down the list of effective ones. Maybe once they unmask the Devil in AEW he’ll use that one too.

Meanwhile, Jason steals Dawn Marie’s interview time, and Cyrus threatens Rob Van Dam with violence at the hands of Rhino next week.

Another painfully mediocre show and things are about to get even worse for them.