The SmarK Rant for Dark Matches from the WWE Vault – 08.05.25

The SmarK for Dark Matches from the WWE Vault – 08.05.25

Originally written 08.05.25, as the title suggests.

Time for one of my favorite little things lately, waiting for the Vault to post a bunch of rarities and then reviewing them to make my own little compilation. So since we’ve got a few things I haven’t reviewed yet all queued up, let’s open up the WWE Vault and see what’s inside today!

Blindfold match: Jake Roberts v. Rick Martel

https://youtu.be/x0KCbXOJLz8?si=yYLTHzgJKw4Tirb-

From a Challenge taping in January 1991, presumably to test drive the new gimmick. Aspect ratio is weird on this one, as it’s presented in window-boxed 4×3 but they look squashed down for some reason. Which would indicate that the original was 4×3 and then was later cropped and horizontally stretched to 16×9 and then cropped again to this 4×3 after that. So like at WM they have hoods on their head and the crowd screams directions to Jake while Martel helplessly wanders the ring throwing kicks. So Jake does the gimmick where he points and people cheer as he gets hotter or colder, and then he bumps into Martel and they slug it out on the mat with Martel gaining the advantage. Martel tries a backdrop, but Jake just stops running when he gets to the ropes and Martel gets all flustered and leaves the ring, trying to scope things out from the floor. Of course he accidentally gropes the snake bag and freaks out, which I don’t think they did at WM. Finally he does manage to grab Jake from the floor and pulls him out for a shot, and then locates a chair and pokes at the air while Jake is off at the other side of the ring. Finally the ref guides Martel back into the ring so we can get on with it, but Jake uses his crowd echolocation powers, bumps into Martel, and gets slammed as a result. But then Martel misses an elbow and throws a tantrum, which allows Jake to hear his stomps, and finally Martel tears off the hood and beats on Jake while the ref argues with him. This allows Jake to hit the DDT and we do another pantomime until Jake finds his lifeless body and pins him at 10:24. They DEFINITELY needed to work out the kinks in this one before Wrestlemania, as stuff like Martel tearing off the hood didn’t work and should have been a DQ, and they spent way too long on the floor. In general I’ve always hated the match, because it’s fine for a goofy house show match to get the kids involved, but I never bought it as a serious stipulation for Wrestlemania. *

WWF title: Hulk Hogan v. Ric Flair

https://youtu.be/nf8QhVSPtuQ?si=wVkcFEd6VH24c6-D

From November 1991 at another Challenge taping! So Flair is rocking the belt later dubbed the Las Vegas Big Gold and seen again in 1994 as the “fake World title”, aka the title that was made to get around the legal issues surrounding the actual Big Gold Belt in 1991. It didn’t work. Damn it’s a nice belt though. I wonder why WWF never sued in 1994 for violation of their intellectual property? I mean they wouldn’t have a case but just to mess with Turner if nothing else. We get a long staredown and finally Flair hits him with a slap to show who’s the alpha dog, and then struts away from Hulk while the grown men cheer and the kids boo. It’s pretty obvious what the fan breakdown was at this point. So Hulk literally draws a line on the mat and dares Flair to cross it, and Ric grabs a headlock to show he’s not afraid of the orange gaslighting son of a bitch. That’s how you deal with a bully! Hulk shoulderblocks him down and does his own sad strutting and woo and he can’t even get his brainwashed moron fans to woo with him. So Flair bails to think up a way to outsmart Hulk, which doesn’t take long of course, and decides to goad him into a test of strength. So Flair pretends to be in pain and then pokes him in the eye to take over. 4D CHESS! Flair with the chops, but Hulk no-sells it due to all the drugs and whatnot that he was on at the time, and slugs away in the corner before sending Ric to the corner for a Flair Flip to the floor. Flair rightly decides that this match is rigged against him and he takes a walk, but Hulk chases him back in and he falls right into Flair’s trap again, as Ric drops a knee on him JUST LIKE HE PLANNED. More chops, but Hulk is still buzzing from the eightball he did with Vince in the dressing room and he fights back until Flair takes out the knee and crotches him on the post. Of course it’s likely that wouldn’t have any effect given all the steroids he did, so Flair hits the knee with a chair for good measure and goes to work on the knee. Hulk fights off the figure-four, but Mr. Perfect is a good friend and assures Ric that he’s the real World champ, motivating him to try again and then go to the top rope. Hulk slams him off for two, once again falling into Ric’s trap as Perfect steals brass knuckles from Hulk’s boot and then gives them to Ric before Hulk can use them, and Ric knocks Hulk out for two. But then the PCP kicks in again and Hulk makes the comeback, fighting off Ric like his kid fighting off the cops after another DUI, and they fight to the floor until Flair decides to let the baby have his bottle and stays out of the ring for the countout loss at 15:00. Ric was obviously playing the long game, biding his time until the Rumble, showing why he was the Real World Champion. ***1/4

Bret Hart v. The British Bulldog

https://youtu.be/pbTex7tbrGE?si=kclbMh14HOZGYoPD

From June 1992, at a Challenge taping again, and it’s apparently non-title. Presumably another practice match for Summerslam. Bulldog quickly overpowers Bret and sends him to the floor to think it over. Back in, they trade headlocks and Bret gets a cradle for two and back to the headlock again. Bret goes a wristlock and Bulldog flips out of that and takes Bret down for his own wristlock, and a crucifix gets two. Bulldog works the arm on the mat, but Bret gives him the knee to the gut to take over and drops an elbow on his neck, always happy to play heel to get something going. Bret with an atomic drop and he beats on Bulldog with forearms, making sure to lay them in good for heat, and drops a leg for two. Bret with a chinlock, but Bulldog tries another crucifix, so Bret drops him with a samoan drop and follows with a piledriver for two. Snap suplex gets two. Bulldog backslides him for two, but Bret drops an elbow on him to cut him off again and follows with a backbreaker and middle rope elbow for two. Bulldog goes to the ropes to block the Sharpshooter and comes back with an enzuigiri before slingshotting him into the corner to make the comeback. Clothesline out of the corner gets two. Delayed suplex, so delayed they should call it Demolition in the Hall of Fame, gets two. Bret counters another one with a sleeper, but Bulldog powers up and runs him into the corner to break, and they both hit the floor. Bret milks the count for a bit to recover and then reverses a Bulldog suplex into his own german suplex, and that gets the pin at 14:00. Good finish, nice match. ***1/4

And we’ll finish with a really weird one…

Alundra Blayze & Bob Holly v. Bull Nakano & Hakushi

https://youtu.be/q5zDDhOU_hQ?si=-Um-We518FxzdxAq

This is apparently from the WrestleFest 95 tape, which I don’t think I’ve reviewed before. According to announcer Stan Lane, this is a dark match from a Superstars taping in Stockton, CA. Alundra hits a hip attack off the middle rope on Bull for two, but she tries a headscissors and Bull drops her in a powerbomb. Bull with some hairtosses, so the ladies tag out and it’s over to Bob and Hakushi. Hakushi rolls him up for two, but Holly gets a hiptoss and works the arm. Hakushi comes back with a handspring elbow and a dropkick into the corner, and a pump splash gets two. Back to the womenfolk and Alundra tries a sunset flip, but Bull sits on her for two. Blayze with a rana for two. She goes up with a missile dropkick, and we’re back to the men. Bull trips up Bob and Hakushi gets his own dropkick for two while the girls fight, probably over a shoe sale, AM I RIGHT FELLAS? WOMEN BE SHOPPING! Everyone fights on the floor and the faces yell at Shinja, which allows the heels to attack, but Blayze finishes Nakano with the german suplex at 7:20. Couple of fun moments but not particularly good otherwise. *1/2

Also, YES, I did watch the Jerry Lawler-Randy Savage match from ICW on here. It was literally 20 minutes of stalling and then 10 minutes of good stuff to finish, and you can barely hear the sound system, so I didn’t really feel like reviewing it. But here it is as well:

https://youtu.be/n62QU2cZAlc?si=J91fzX_CMm1ZYU5x

Man this channel is the gift that keeps on giving. Another fun hour or two of content.