The SmarK Rant for Coliseum Video presents Supertape 92

The SmarK Rant for Coliseum Video presents Supertape 92

Granted most of this is a compilation of matches from This Tuesday in Texas, but I haven’t done that show in a while anyway.

Hosted by Sean Mooney

The Nasty Boys, The Mountie & Earthquake v. Jim Neidhart, Big Bossman & The Legion of Doom

This was from a TV taping on 07.29.91 for those keeping track. Bossman overpowers the Nasties by himself and brings in Animal, who also bowls them both over. He powerbombs Knobs for two and the babyfaces work him over in the corner, but Anvil gets swatted by Quake and the heels take over. Hawk comes in, however, and hits Mountie with a press slam, allowing Bossman to come in and run Mountie into the corner repeatedly. Everyone is slugging it out with the ref helpless to do anything, and Mountie uses the helmet on Bossman for two. Quake comes in and drops an elbow on Bossman for two. To the floor as they run Bossman into the stairs and Knobs gets two off that. But then Hawk gets the hot tag, everyone brawls, and Hawk slams Knobs from the top rope and pins him at 10:28. Complete nothing of a match. *

Meanwhile, IRS joins us with some tax tips, which he delivers to a poor guy who has a wife in the hospital and lost his receipts. Irwin has no sympathy for the jerk and sends him packing so he can go pay his fair share. And then he BREAKS THE FOURTH WALL, accusing the fans of making copies of this tape because they didn’t pay attention to the FBI warning at the beginning. I would never do such a thing!

Ahem.

Anyway, here’s Irwin’s Top 10 Tax Tips for cheaters, such as everyone reading this presumably.

1. Quit your crying and pay what you owe!
2. Try mailing your returns on time
3. Having your daughter’s buck teeth fixed doesn’t constitute a proper medical claim
4. Business expenses are not for weekend getaways to Orlando
5. Have a priest sign a receipt for donations to the church
6. Claim money you made mowing lawns while unemployed
7. Walk to work in order to cut down on fuel expense claims
8. Stop hiding your tips under the mattress
9. Claim all the cash you made at your garage sales
10. Stop claiming pets as dependents!

Honestly that sounds fair.

Intercontinental title: Bret Hart v. Irwin R. Schyster

They trade takedowns and Irwin bails to think it over, and then catches Bret with a backbreaker back in the ring. Irwin drops an elbow for two and uses the dreaded abdominal stretch with the ropes for leverage, but Bret gets a sunset flip for two. Rollup gets two while Irwin argues the count with the ref, but Irwin goes to the chinlock. Irwin slams him and goes up with a flying nothing that lands on Bret’s foot, and Bret makes the comeback with an atomic drop for two. Snap suplex gets two. Backbreaker gets two. Middle rope elbow gets two. He goes for the Sharpshooter, but Irwin is in the ropes to force the break and he grabs the briefcase for the DQ at 8:25. They were just sleepwalking through this one but it was technically fine. **

Meanwhile, we get a special profile of the Undertaker, which isn’t much of a profile.

Undertaker v. Greg Valentine

Hammer’s music using the hammer soundbite from Adult Swim’s credits stingers still trips me out. Both guys here are notorious slow starters so I’m not expecting a classic here. And indeed Taker chokes away in the corner to start, leaving Greg twitching as this one is immediately super dull. Gorilla claims that “SRO” signs went out early for this particular show, although unfortunately History of WWE doesn’t have figures for this taping so I can’t confirm or deny his nonsense. However I can say that I’ve literally never heard of a show in the modern era where “standing room only” tickets are sold. In fact, thanks to my extensive research on the subject, it appears that literally only two sports stadiums in the entire US actually sell “standing room only” tickets, and neither one is Huntington Beach, WV. Taker misses an elbow and Valentine quickly goes after the leg with the figure-four and grabs the ropes for good measure, but then gets distracted by Paul Bearer and releases. And Taker just no-sells the move, tombstones Hammer, and that finishes at 5:25. *

Undertaker v. Jimmy Snuka

From Wrestlemania VII. Taker quickly slugs away in the corner and chokes him out, and then hits the flying clothesline and chokes him out. Snuka tries a charge and runs into the boot, landing on the floor, and Taker suplexes him back into the ring. Taker misses an elbow but no-sells it and pops up again, and Snuka tries a comeback with chops and gets nowhere. Snuka charges again and flies over the top rope as a result. He tries to springboard back in, but Taker catches him, tombstones him, and goes 1-0 at Wrestlemania at 4:00. Huge reaction from the casual crowd at that show, which really made him seem like a giant star.

And now, THIS TUESDAY IN TEXAS. This was supposed to kickstart monthly budget PPVs, but that idea ended up getting tabled for another 4 years.

Intercontinental title: Bret Hart v. Skinner

Bret works the arm to start and hits him with an atomic drop to put him on the floor. Back in the ring, Bret goes back to the arm while Bobby notes that they’re gonna “tear down the Alamo and build a fast food restaurant” because the city of San Antonio is only concerned with the WWF right now. Granted it was a sellout, but it was only 8000 people in the building. Their announcement of “20000 people” in an arena that doesn’t hold that many is typically ridiculous. Skinner takes it to the floor and gets some cheapshots to take over, and back in for the abdominal stretch, and you KNOW Gorilla is all over that. Skinner with a shouderbreaker for two, and then he uses the ALLIGATOR CLAW OF DEATH to put him down again. How exactly is that supposed to hurt? Wouldn’t it be more painful just to punch someone with your own fist? Skinner with the choking and slop drop for two, but of course he doesn’t hook the leg and Gorilla hates that too. So he goes up with the flying nothing and lands on Bret’s foot, and Bret makes the comeback with the legsweep for two. Snap suplex gets two. Backbreaker and he goes up with the elbow for two. Skinner rolls him up for two, but Bret sends him to the floor on the kickout and they brawl out there. Bret tries a rollup on the way into the ring and Skinner blocks him, but he goes to the top and Bret slams him off and finishes with the Sharpshooter at 13:40 to retain. This was mostly the same as the IRS match from earlier in the tape, but with a hotter crowd and more effort from Bret that made it a decent match. **1/2

Meanwhile, Jake Roberts clarifies that Randy Savage has pushed him too far and so anything that happens tonight is HIS FAULT. Randy has a rebuttal about how he’s gonna look in Liz’s eyes after pinning Jake and that’s gonna be his rush, YEAH.

Jake Roberts v. Randy Savage

Savage attacks in the aisle, tossing Jake into the ring and hitting him with the double axehandle before he can even get his fancy feathered hat off, and Jake wisely tries to run away but he gets tossed back in by Savage. So Jake sends Macho over the top and runs him into the post, RIGHT ON THE COBRA BITE, and then wraps the arm around the post to further injure it. Back in the ring, Jake sneaks up on him and hits him with an atomic drop and then drops knees on the injured arm, which is now bleeding through the bandage. Savage fights back and Jake hammerlocks him, so they trade whips to the corner as the ref dives out of the way at the last second. Jake with the short arm clothesline and the crowd has NUCLEAR heat for him setting up the DDT instead of cheering like they usually do, but Savage goes to the ribs and pops up to drop the elbow for the pin at 5:51. It still annoys me that they did that abrupt finish just as the match was getting really good. **3/4. Savage wants more and grabs a chair to deliver the deathblow, although really he should have went with the ringbell, but Jake hits him with the DDT to cut him off and then hits another one to make a point. But the point isn’t quite made enough, so Jake finds his backup snake under the ring (because he promised not to leave a snake in the corner, you see) and he’s going to finish Macho off with that. Luckily, Elizabeth runs out to hopefully talk sense into Jake, so Jake grabs the lifeless Savage and delivers another DDT just for her. Jake then goes into a masterwork of heel shitbag acting, telling Liz to beg for her man’s life, and then grabs her and slugs her down. Oh man, if Bruno Sammartino had been in the building, he would have run down to the ring and FUCKED JAKE UP right there. Bruno doesn’t put up with that shit.

Meanwhile, Jake says it’s Elizabeth’s fault because he doesn’t want a woman who would beg and plead for mercy, he wants a woman who will stand up and fight him. And when he slapped her around, that felt GOOD to him, and he’s pretty sure he can cultivate her into something even he could be attracted to. Amazing. Jake must have been dying inside for years doing the babyface act and then getting to unleash his serial killer side was like a revelation.

The Warlord v. British Bulldog

Warlord wants a test of strength, but Davey takes him down and splits the legs and then clotheslines him to the floor. He follows with a dive, but Warlord catches him and slams him out there. Back in with, Bulldog comes back with a missile dropkick and ties Warlord in the ropes, but then charges and crotches himself. HE’S ALL FOOKED UP! Warlord with a backdrop as Harvey clarifies that himself and Warlord are the #1 team in the WWF. Not sure what metric they’re using there. Given Harvey was already Warlord’s, what, fourth manager to that point? Warlord with the bearhug and he drops a fist for two, but Bulldog comes back with a sunset flip for two. Warlord with the full nelson, but he can’t lock it in properly and Gorilla is OFFENDED. He tells the ref to check the hold. What’s the ref gonna do? Help him reapply it? Davey fights out of the move regardless after a rather long time, so Warlord runs him into the corner, but misses a charge. Davey with the delayed suplex, so delayed they should call it Trump’s stupid bill, but Warlord grabs the ropes to reverse the powerslam for two. Davey with a crucifix for the pin, however, at 12:52. This was…kinda good? Like by Warlord standards if nothing else? Yeah I think it was. **1/2

Meanwhile, Randy Savage is pretty pissed off, although Sean Mooney notes “he’s just as upset as Randy was out there” over what happened. Somehow I doubt that. Savage blames himself and now he’s gonna show Snake the DARK SIDE. Man, by Wrestlemania, Savage had fully got the good karma and Jake had all the bad karma out of this feud. Not too often it happens where one guy moves up to World champion and the other guy is sent packing in a bodybag.

Ted Dibiase & Repo Man v. Tito Santana & Virgil

Surprised they didn’t book this one to be the title change back to Dibiase. This is like a C-show main event at any high school in the country! Really, Virgil isn’t the one in the match who should be worried about shady masked guys sneaking around with ropes. And tagging with an entitled billionaire! My god this stuff writes itself. Repo works the arm on Tito, but gets slugged down, so Dibiase has to come in and take care of business. But then Virgil hits a sunset flip for two and sends Dibiase flying out of the ring with an atomic drop. Back in, Repo gets a cheap shot and beats on Virgil. The heels work him over in the corner and Dibiase gets a clothesline before goading Tito into the ring as a distraction. Virgil fights back on Repo, but Dibiase hits him with a gut wrench for two. Virgil with a neckbreaker and he makes the hot tag to Tito, who elbows Repo down and throws dropkicks to set up the flying forearm. But then Dibiase trips him up from the outside and Repo tosses him over the top, allowing Dibiase to add even more punishment on the floor. Back in, that gets two as Tito is your matador-in-peril. Repo with a knee to the gut for two, as he’s a pretty good tag wrestler. Maybe they should find a partner for him. I heard Masked Superstar might be available. The heels trick Virgil into distracting the ref again and double-slam Tito, but Tito and Repo clothesline each other for a double down and it’s HOT TAG Virgil. Suplex on Dibiase gets two and it’s BREAKING LOOSE IN TULSA, but Sherri swings her shoe and hits Dibiase by mistake. Honestly, who throws a shoe? But then Repo hits Virgil from behind and puts Dibiase on top for the pin at 11:22. Good match, tons of heat for the finish. ***

Meanwhile, Mean Gene clarifies that the rematch was booked for This Tuesday in Texas, and they’re in Texas and it’s Tuesday so it’s time for the match. So Hulk is here to lie about everything as usual, like all orange colored people do, and we get a replay of Survivor Series with the tombstone that supposedly injured Hulk’s neck but in fact shows that his head literally didn’t even touch the mat or come anywhere near it.

WWF World title: Undertaker v. Hulk Hogan

Hulk rams Undertaker and Bearer together for literally no reason, and then slugs away in the corner, first to throw illegal closed fists as usual. Hulk with an atomic drop, but Taker no-sells it and goes to work on the back. Hulk slams him in retaliation and Taker no-sells that as well, so Hulk clotheslines him over the top. Hulk punches him on the apron, not letting him back in the ring because he’s a POOR SPORT, so Taker pulls him to the floor and chokes him out on the apron. Hopefully he doesn’t exacerbate that devastating neck injury that Hulk was working with. Back in the ring, Taker chokes him out, although Hulk is clearly breathing because he lies about everything. If he was REALLY choking he’d turn purple and wouldn’t be able to breathe. I sure hope someone got fired over that. Hulk takes him down with an atomic drop that’s more of a double leg, while Bobby notes that Undertaker will be around for a “long long time”. Well that’s an understatement. More choking and Hulk bails to the floor to escape, but Taker runs him into the post. Back in the ring, Taker with more choking as Hulk sadly hasn’t expired of oxygen deprivation yet, but Hulk fights up and they manage to botch a corner whip spot. Probably due to that neck injury messing up Hulk’s equilibrium. Those tombstones 3 feet off the mat are a real bitch. Taker with the ropewalk, but Hulk takes him down to counter, although Taker no-sells that as well. This brings Ric Flair out to confront Tunney, so Hulk grabs a chair and hits Flair for no reason. DISQUALIFY THAT MAN! Back in the ring, Hulk slugs away and makes the comeback, skipping the whole Hulking Up gimmick, and they rake each other in the face to kill time while Flair gets into position. Hulk with the big boot, but Taker hits him RIGHT IN THE NECK INJURY to block the legdrop. But then Bearer uses the urn and hits Taker by mistake, so Hulk opens it and throws the ashes in Taker’s face and pins him to regain the title at 13:10. This man is such a heartless monster that he used the ASHES OF ANOTHER MAN’S PARENTS to win the match. How did they reconcile that later? He just went to the dead parents store and got more ashes? WHAT ABOUT THE LORE? ½*

Afterwards, Hulk does his posing deal, but Jack Tunney later declares that the title is VACANT due to all the shenanigans and we got the Royal Rumble to settle it.

And that’s Tuesday in Texas. Back to the Coliseum Video exclusives!

Call of the Action with Lord Alfred. Today we look at Bret’s SHARPSHOOTER, Virgil’s SLEEPER HOLD, Davey Boy’s DELAYED SUPLEX, and the Rockers’ DOUBLE CLOTHESLINE.

Wow what a segment to end the tape on. I mean, it’s basically the Tuesday in Texas show with a couple of bonus crappy matches added onto it, so if you’re setting that as the bar for enjoyment, it was fine.