The SmarK Rant for Coliseum Video presents Hulkamania 6

The SmarK Rant for Coliseum Video presents Hulkamania 6

So this would be the last Hulkamania tape that I’ve never reviewed before, even in the original Coliseum rants.

Originally released in late 1991

Hosted by Sean Mooney

WWF World title: Hulk Hogan v. Undertaker

It’s a Coliseum exclusive dark match to kick us off, apparently in Worcester MA. Taker rips off Hulk’s shirt and chokes him out and then beats on him with the belt, probably because Hulk said that he loved Donald Trump the most and Taker got jealous. Taker chokes him out on the mat, but Hulk pops up and uses the shirt to choke Taker out before ramming him into the turnbuckles. Taker no-sells that, so Hulk hits him with an atomic drop and then walks too close to Paul Bearer and trips on his own boots somehow. Taker goes back to the front naked choke and immediately tombstones him off that, and Hogan is spasming like he just got hit by his son while Nick was driving drunk in Florida. It only gets two and Hulk is fired up like he’s giving the keynote speech at the RNC and he makes the comeback with the big boot and rolls him up for the pin at 4:33 to retain. Well that was certainly an easy night of work for both guys. DUD

Hulkamania Workout: It’s another Coliseum Exclusive, as Hulk works out in the gym with Brutus Beefcake and Randy Savage, preparing Hulk for his title match with Undertaker at Survivor Series. Beefcake looks like he’s accidentally mixed up his protein shake with an eight ball of coke. So Mean Gene joins them for an interview, but the gym bros talk him into doing a workout and Macho undresses Gene while calling him sexy, just in case this wasn’t weird enough as it is. So first up, Gene does some leg curls while Beefcake and Macho give him motivational speeches (“It’s OK Gene, I’ve never looked up to you anyway.”) but he does one of them and they give up on him and move on. Back at the studio, Sean sums it up: “I can guarantee Mean Gene will have a hard time walking after that workout. Beefcake and Macho Man were really double-teaming Gene on the bench there!”

Cough.

MOVING ON.

Meanwhile, back at the Main Event #2, the Megapowers come to their fateful end because Hogan is a philandering piece of crap who leaves his own partner to be double-teamed while he puts the moves on another man’s wife.

WWF World title: Hulk Hogan v. Randy Savage

This is from the Paris show in October 1989 and I’m sure I’ve reviewed this one before but what the heck. Liz is flanked by Pat Patterson & Terry Garvin for her entrance with Hulk, and Gorilla quips “She’s surrounded by a couple of short fat French guys there, don’t know who they are.” Savage is not ready to deal with Hulk yet, as he obviously sees that Hogan has hidden some kind of illegal object and doesn’t want to risk his personal safety until he’s sure that Hulk isn’t cheating. Hulk shoves him down off a lockup and Savage retreats to the floor, where Gorilla unloads on Terry Garvin, who is “always around the back of something” and is the “President, Vice-President and Recording Secretary and Treasurer of the Terry Garvin School of Self Defense”. Back in the ring, Savage grabs a headlock and has the match obviously won, but the glare off Hulk’s bald spot blinds him and Hulk is able to escape and sends Savage to the floor again. Macho tells it like it is to the French fans, letting them know that he’s gonna beat Hulk 1-2-3 and win the title, and then dedicates the victory to Sherri, who is the most beautiful woman in the world. So Hulk attacks both Savage and Sherri and they have to defend themselves by double-teaming him, but big tough Hulk hits a woman and runs her into Savage outside like a real hero. Back in the ring, Hulk slugs away and follows with a back elbow in the corner and of course he’s the first one to go to the choking and then makes a sexually suggestive gesture to Sherri. LUST IN HIS EYES. Can he not stop trying to steal Savage’s woman for ONE MATCH? Savage has had enough of this and beats Hogan down before dropping an axehandle on him to defend his manager, and that gets two. Savage with a chinlock and once again Hogan is DONE and screaming “I GIVE UP!” clearly, but the biased referee won’t call for the bell for whatever reason. Hulk somehow manages to escape and then he goes after Sherri for literally no reason, once again attacking a helpless woman for his own sick perverse pleasure. So Savage stands up for his manager again and hits Hulk with her purse off the top rope, but it only gets two as Hogan’s ketamine kicks in. Big boot and he gaslights Liz into slapping her own ex-husband, and then drops the leg and pins him at 12:07 to retain. Hope Liz enjoyed getting used and thrown away by the gaslighting orange son of a bitch. No wonder she went back to Savage in 1991. ***

And then we get a clip of Hulk claiming credit for getting Savage and Liz together! What a liar.

Meanwhile, Hulk steals a game of Afterburner from a kid in the arcade and pretends not to know it’s a game.

Hulk Hogan v. Stan Hansen

Holy rarities, Batman! I actually just did a YouTube review of this match with the North South podcast a couple of weeks ago and I had never seen it before. No idea it was on this tape as well! So this is from the Tokyo Dome in April 1990, for the combined WWF/New Japan/All Japan show dubbed the Wrestling Summit. Story goes that it was supposed to be Hulk v. Terry Gordy here, but Terry wouldn’t lay down for the big boot and legdrop, brother, and Stan earned some instant karma with the Japanese by stepping in at the last minute. Sean Mooney and Alfred Hayes overdub commentary here and call him “Cowboy” Stan Hansen, having to explain his history for newer fans. Of course by the time this tape came out, Stan was a former US champ in WCW. They get into a shoving match to start and Hulk takes him down with a drop toehold, but Stan bullies him into the corner. Stan works the arm but Hulk is rocking the matwork takes Stan down with another drop toehold and SHOOTS THE HALF to turn Stan over for two. They slug it out in the corner and Stan lays it in pretty good, but they fight to the floor and Hulk runs him into the post, first to cheat even when he’s showing his working skills otherwise. Stan is busted open and Hulk beats on the cut. Back in with a suplex for two and Hulk keeps beating on the cut and chops him in the corner until Hansen bails to the floor. So they fight out there and Stan bumps onto the press tables at ringside, where Hulk slams him onto one of the tables. Hell of a spot for 1990. Another trip to the post and back in for two, but Stan won’t stay down and so Hulk hits the corner clothesline and puts the boots to him in the corner. But then Hulk misses a charge and Stan puts him down with a shoulderblock for two. I like how Stan was really laying in that cover there. Back to the floor and Stan gets some revenge with a chairshot, busting Hulk open now. And then Stan jumps off the stage with an axehandle into the press area, and back in for an elbowdrop that gets two. Stan drops a fist for two. Elbowdrop gets two. Stan takes him to the floor and whips him with the bullrope and back in the ring for more of a beatdown to teach Hulk a lesson, and that sets up the lariat, which Hulk counters with the AXE BOMBER. Legdrop misses, however, and Hansen gets two. But then Hulk gets a crossbody for two and blocks a rollup before hitting his own lariat and pinning Stan at 12:36. Goddammit this was kinda awesome. ***3/4

Meanwhile, we get rare footage of Hogan as a toddler playing baseball with his dad. Wouldn’t even put the old man over back then.

WWF World title, cage match: Hulk Hogan v. King Kong Bundy

Back to 1986 and the main event of Wrestlemania 2. Interesting choice. They slug it out to start and Hulk quickly hits the big boot and chokes out Bundy with his own strap. Hulk hits him with the Axe Bomber but Bundy won’t go down because it’s not Japan, and he comes back by going to the taped ribs and adds a slam. Bundy goes for the door and Hulk grabs his leg, so Bundy runs him into the cage and tries to walk out again. Hulk blocks him again, so Bundy rips off the tape and chokes him out with it, as Hogan finally gets a taste of his own medicine. So he ties Hogan to the ropes and goes to walk out, but I assume one of the refs helps Hulk out by untying him, allowing Hulk to rake the eyes and keep Bundy in there. Hulk fights back and slugs away before sending Bundy into the cage for an incredibly blatant blade from Bundy, literally right on camera while Bobby tries to hide it. So Hulk sends him into the cage for more abuse while Elvira is aghast at all the cheating from Hogan, just like all of us. Hulk tries the slam and falls backwards, but he uses the rib tape to choke out Bundy and save his title yet again. So Bundy hits him with the Avalanche and big splash, and Hulk won’t stay down so Bundy gives him another one. But Hulk no-sells it and powerslams Bundy, then hits the legdrop and goes over the top to retain the title at 10:15. And of course, Hogan beats up poor Bobby Heenan, who literally did NOTHING WRONG here. A decent match, not really worthy of the Wrestlemania main event spot as far as heat or importance or anything. **

Hulk Hogan v. General Adnan

This would be from the pre-Wrestlemania “Road to Wrestlemania VII” special that I don’t believe is currently streaming anywhere. I know I’ve never reviewed it. This was a very delayed returned to the WWF ring for Adnan, who was last seen on TV as jobber Billy White Wolf and going out on a stretcher from a swinging full nelson at the hands of Ken Patera in the early 80s. And this match only goes for 1:00 before Sgt. Slaughter runs in for the double-team DQ. And they beat Hulk down and put him in the camel clutch, desperately trying to put heat back on Slaughter even though the whole Iraq deal was basically dead by this point.

WWF World title: Sgt. Slaughter v. Hulk Hogan

Hulk works the headlock to start and boots Slaughter down, but goes after Adnan and that allows Slaughter to attack with a chair. Not just any chair, but a Wrestlemania souvenir chair from the looks of it! Those hurt EXTRA, but Hulk no-sells it and they head back in. Slaughter pounds away in the corner and puts Hogan down with an elbow, then drops knees before missing an elbow. Bobby goes off on a funny run on Regis’ behalf about how he dislikes Hogan because “the men I managed never got any title shots”, which is such a ridiculously blatant lie that you have to love it. Hogan comes back and whips Slaughter around the ring, then backdrops him out of the corner. Catapult into the post and Gorilla declares that we’re seeing “The Hulkster of the 90s”. No, I’d say the Hulk of the 90s was yet to come, but kudos for trying to be timely. Corner clothesline gets two and Hulk goes AERIAL, but Slaughter catches him coming down. Hulk shakes it off and slams him, then drops the elbows before going up AGAIN. Slaughter slams him off the top to take over, and goes to work on the back. Clothesline misses by a good foot, but Hogan sells it and goes to the floor anyway. Sarge chokes him out with the TV cable, which is carrying the signal to the biggest PPV audience in the history of PPV you know, and back in Slaughter keeps pounding the back. Boston Crab, and Slaughter uses the old Arn Anderson trick of having Adnan push on his head for leverage, but Hogan makes the ropes. Slaughter stays on the back and goes up with a flying kneedrop, but Adnan actually distracts the ref while Slaughter is covering. It still gets two. Slaughter retrieves another chair and hits Hogan right in the bald spot, and we get blood from that. The REAR CHINLOCK OF DEATH seems to signal the end for Hulkamania, but much like those democracy-loving Kuwaitis, Hogan escapes the deathgrip of Iraq and makes the comeback. Big boot, legdrop, and it’s mission accomplished and Osama Bin Laden captured all in one pinfall at 20:21. Lex Luger probably would have won by countout. Gorilla declares that the war is now officially over that Hogan has won the title back. I’m sure all the soldiers in Kuwait were relieved to hear that. ***

Hulk Hogan & Hacksaw Jim Duggan v. Sgt. Slaughter & Col. Mustafa

I thought we’d leave things with the title change, but instead we close out the tape with a random dark tag match from a month later. Hulk slugs away on Sarge in the corner to start and we get the Slaughter Corner Bump right off the bat, which allows Hulk and Duggan to double-team him on the floor. Back in the ring, Duggan slugs away on Slaughter, but Sarge beats him down and chokes him out on the ropes. Mustafa adds more choking as it blows my mind thinking about how he managed to milk a year of extra pay out of WCW because they were so stupid, and then stumbled ass backwards into a main event run in the WWF once that contract expired for real. What a worker, bubba. Mustafa with some choking on Duggan, but Slaughter and Duggan collide for a double down and it’s hot tag Hogan. Adnan quickly throws Sheiky Baby’s coke stash in Hulk’s face, but Hulk pins Mustafa anyway at 4:11 because of course he does. DUD.

Hulk v. Hansen was GREAT and a legit hidden gem, but literally everything else on this tape is either trash or available elsewhere, which makes this one of the laziest compilations I’ve seen from them.

And that is IT for me and Hulk Hogan’s Coliseum Videos as I’ve now reviewed them all. You’re welcome.