The SmarK Rant for Coliseum Video presents Brawl In The Family

The SmarK Rant for Coliseum Video presents Brawl in the Family

I dunno, why not. Don’t think I’ve ever reviewed this one before. This was released sometime in 1995 and it’s got Bret Hart on the cover so I’m sold.

Hosted by Todd, of course, with Stan Lane & Gorilla doing commentary. And they promise it’s all Coliseum exclusive matches, so hopefully that means no recycled RAW matches.

Undertaker v. King Kong Bundy

I don’t know where they were taping this show but it appears to be a high school gymnasium on the wide shots. So that fits for late 1994 RAW tapings. Bundy attacks at the bell and tries the Avalanche, but Taker dodges him and hits him with clotheslines to put him down. Lane calls them “lariats” but only people who are from Texas in kayfabe are allowed to do that, I’m pretty sure. They fight on the floor and I’m astonished they even let them away from the hard cam because the place is embarrassingly small and empty. Back in, Taker misses a clothesline and somehow takes a bump to the floor off that. Back in, Bundy drops a knee for two. Taker makes a comeback, but Bundy hits the Avalanche. But then he takes too long and misses the splash, and Taker goes up and finishes with the flying clothesline at 4:34. Well it had a clean finish so there’s that. *

Men on a Mission v. Owen Hart & Jim Neidhart

Well at least they’re in an actual arena now, no doubt on the strength of matches like this one. Owen loses a lockup to Mo and celebrates, obviously playing 4D chess like Cody. Mo with some slams and a dropkick and Owen bumps to the floor off that and claims hairpulling. Back in, Owen hits the leg lariat, but Mo works the arm with armdrags. Over to Mabel and Anvil tries to overpower him, but that goes nowhere and Mabel works his arm. But then an elbow misses and Anvil comes back with a forearm off the middle rope, setting up a missile dropkick from Owen to take over. Owen and Anvil were a hell of a heel team and it’s too bad Neidhart fucked up his own push as usual. Mo hits Owen with a back elbow for two, but Anvil gives him the knee from the apron and the Harts get the heat on Mo with a trip to the post. I still prefer Bret’s nefarious knee from the apron but Anvil knew the assignment too. Back in, Owen beats Mo down and goes to a chinlock. Mo escapes with a suplex and the Harts hit him with a double clothesline, prompting Owen to do an over the top celebration in the corner and then some choking on Mo. Owen is just delightful. I know that’s a scalding hot take but they could have phoned in this meaningless match and Owen always makes sure to entertain. False tag behind the ref’s back and the Harts do a further beatdown on Mo in the corner before Owen goes back to the chinlock with an evil sneer on his face. But then Owen tries a flying splash and misses, and it’s hot tag Mabel. He cleans house with slams and Neidhart gets sent to the floor, allowing Mabel to splash Owen in the corner. But then Mo cradles Owen and Anvil reappears, rolls them over, and puts Owen on top for the pin at 14:15. This was actually a delightful tag team match and the Harts knew exactly what to do with these guys. **1/2

WWF title: Diesel v. Jeff Jarrett

Jarrett is being advised by both the Roadie and Shawn Michaels here, and who’da thunk that THOSE guys would be running the company 30 years later? Shawn and Roadie immediately interfere and distract Big D, but he’s still able to fight them all off and clear the ring. So the heels have an NXT booking meeting on the floor and then decide to surround the ring like ninjas, and Diesel fights them all off again and makes them look like complete clowns. Finally Shawn hits him with a chair behind the ref’s back and Jarrett is able to take over. I can kind of see what they’re going for here but they’re trying to build sympathy heat on a guy who’s already two feet taller than everyone else in the match so it’s all ass-backwards. Diesel hits Jarrett with a sideslam and follows with the big boot, but Roadie runs in again and gets smacked down. But then Diesel just powerbombs Jarrett anyway and pins him like a complete geek at 4:10. I know it’s just a dark match from a Superstars taping or whatever but this was complete trash and made everyone look stupid. DUD

Doink the Clown v. Jerry Lawler

See, now this should lend some much needed gravitas to the proceedings. Doink sprays him with the flower and runs away from Lawler’s stomps while Gorilla jokes about how Lawler “knows a lot about court”. Yeah someone else is about to learn a lot about court as well. They do a test of strength and Dink interferes to allow Doink to win that one. Doink takes him down with an armbar and Dink interferes freely again as we’re just flaunting the rule of law and order in this match. No man is a King! Well except Jerry Lawler I guess because he has a crown. But then Lawler punches him RIGHT IN THE DINK and rolls up Doink for the pin at 6:48. Another classic. DUD

At this point, Todd riffs on “All in the Family” to keep the entertainment factor up.

Lex Luger v. Mr. Bob Backlund

We’re back in the high school from the opener and a quick check reveals that it’s a Wrestling Challenge taping in Liberty, NY, in December 94, with a heavily papered 1400 people in attendance. And yes, it’s an actual high school gymnasium. We’re only a month removed from Bob losing the WWF title to Diesel and he might as well be dead in the water now. Lex grabs a headlock and Bob does a couple of nice reversals, but Gorilla of course immediately declares that Bob had no chance to get a pin whatsoever. Meanwhile Stan Lane laughs about the good old days of the guillotine, when people were beheaded by the government with impunity. Ha ha, good times! Lex continues to work the headlock on the mat as this is already dragging. Bob bails to the apron but Lex won’t let go of the headlock and hauls him back in for more headlocking. That head ain’t getting any more locked, Lex. So Bob finally puts him down with a forearm and goes after the arm, setting up the CROSS FACE CHICKENWING, but Lex casually escapes Bob’s one offensive move and finishes with the Torture Rack at 7:12. Colossal waste of time. DUD

Tatanka v. Mabel

Hey, our second Mabel match of the tape, must be 1995. Mabel uses his girth to put Tatanka down a few times, but Tatanka gets a cheapshot and they do a test of strength. Mabel suplexes out of it but Tatanka throws chops until Mabel slams him for two. They fight to the floor and Tatanka wins that battle and then puts the boots to him in the ring. More kicking and punching in the corner as this goes nowhere, and Tatanka goes up with a flying chop to put him down. Flying clothesline gets two. Tatanka with a chinlock and Mabel fights out of that, but he runs into a knee and Tatanka goes to the chinlock again. Mabel does his leg lariat, barely even able to get his leg in the air enough to make contact, but then he misses an elbow and both guys are out. The announcers are even riffing on how Mabel is completely blown up at this point. Tatanka with a clothesline as Gorilla is just merciless and talking about how they’re gonna have to get the doctor to stop the match if it goes any longer for Mabel. Tatanka tosses him and gets some abuse out there, but Mabel slingshots him back into the ring and makes the comeback and he’s sucking wind like crazy. He clumsily drags Tatanka to the corner and can barely do that, and then goes up with a big splash for two, at which point Dibiase breaks it up and it’s a DQ at 13:30. Oh my god this was painful and even the announcers bust on the stupid finish. -**

No Holds Barred: Bret Hart v. Owen Hart

OK, time to save this tape. Owen attacks at the bell and slugs away on the ropes, but Bret hits him with the legsweep and goes up with the elbow before beating on Owen. Bret slams him by the hair and follows with a snap suplex for two while Stan jokes that “even international objects can be used”, going for the deep cut on WCW. Bret with a sleeper and Owen yanks on Bret’s straps to try and escape before finally hitting a suplex for a double down. Owen takes over with a face rake on the ropes and puts the badmouth on his “loving brother” while Gorilla speculates that Owen was in fact adopted after being found on the Hart family doorstep. Because they had so many children that they couldn’t keep track, he further clarifies. Bret yanks Owen out of the corner, tearing off the turnbuckle in the process, while Gorilla namedrops Kerwin Silfies. Bret beats on Owen in the corner, but Owen comes back with a bulldog. Although he’s from Calgary, he’s not technically a cowboy, so it’s not a finisher. Plus he goes “Woo!” and not “Yee haw!” and that’s another rookie error. Another try, but Bret reverses him into the corner and hits him with the atomic drop and clothesline for two. Piledriver gets two, and he really spiked him with that one. Owen fights back with the Owenzuigiri and goes up, but he lands in a catapult and Bret sends him into the exposed steel. That gets two for Bret. Clothesline puts Owen on the floor and he runs away long enough to hit Bret with a low blow and a backbreaker for two. Owen hits him RIGHT IN THE BREADBASKET and runs him into the corner to set up a camel clutch while choking Bret out with his own straps. What a slimy little heel. Bret fights out, so Owen hits him with the belly to belly for two. Bret fights back, but Owen hits him with a tombstone and goes up for a diving headbutt, which misses. Bret with a bulldog and backbreaker to make the comeback, and he gets the Sharpshooter and Owen submits at 13:40. Kind of a flat finish but they had a really good match, as you’d expect. ***1/2. And then Bret refuses to let the hold go and a gaggle of referees have to pull him off.

Intercontinental title: Razor Ramon v. King Kong Bundy

And we get our second appearance from Bundy on this tape, although we’re robbed of Bundy v. Mabel. How is that fair? Bundy powers him into the corner to start, but Razor shoves him right back. Now we’re cooking! Bundy runs him into the corner and goes to the chinlock, before moving to a bearhug to really get things going. Razor escapes and makes the comeback, but Jeff Jarrett runs in for the DQ at 8:32. Nothing to this one. DUD

WWF title: Bret Hart v. 1-2-3 Kid

This is decidedly not a Coliseum Video exclusive, but rather a match recycled from RAW in July 1994, which they promised us would not happen on this tape. But at least it’s a great match. The original match runs nearly 30 minutes and we’ve only got 10 minutes left on the tape I’m assuming they do some editing here. Interestingly, this is the one and only time they ever wrestled each other. Kid works the arm to start and maintains control, then takes Bret over with a monkey flip and sends him to the floor with a pair of spinkicks. We’re clipped to later in the match with Bret going to a chinlock, but Kid backslides him for two. Bret lays him out and drops a leg for two. Kid fights back with kicks in the corner and a corner dropkick for two. Powerbomb and he goes up with the flying legdrop, and that gets two. Kid clotheslines him to the floor and follows with a somersault senton, and then back in the ring for another trip to the top, but he misses a legdrop and Bret tries for the Sharpshooter, only for Kid to make the ropes. Bret with a superplex, but Kid reverses for two, only to miss a charge in the corner and land on his head. Bret with the bulldog and he goes up, but Kid slams him off and tries a missile dropkick. But Bret of course catches him on the way down and finishes with the Sharpshooter at 10:41 shown to retain. They edited most of the match out, of course, but what was left was still pretty great. Original version was ****1/2 for me. I don’t know why they randomly put this one on here, though.

Couple of great Bret matches are the highlights here, and the rest is mostly hot trash. But that’s how it goes with these sometimes.