The SmarK Rant for Coliseum Video presents 1992 Battle of the WWF Superstars

The SmarK Rant for Coliseum Video presents 1992 Battle of the WWF Superstars

Originally written 02.15.26

OK, so although I’ve already reviewed the first two “Battle” videos that the Vault posted, I have in fact never watched this one before. Despite the weird naming convention, this is the third in the “Battle of the WWF Superstars” series.

https://youtu.be/XqakP58YNCU?si=IbeeA9IeArn-HOE0

Hosted by Sean Mooney, aboard the USS Intrepid

Hulk Hogan & Rowdy Roddy Piper v. Sid Justice & Ric Flair

This is a Challenge taping dark match from February 1992 and probably could have headlined a PPV of some sort. The heat for this is so huge that they take a couple of minutes to milk it properly before starting with Piper and Flair, as they trade lockups until Piper smacks him into a Flair Flop. The crowd gets hotter and hotter as Flair and Piper play into it, and Flair beats on him with chops in the corner until Piper comes back with his own and puts him down again. Piper with a backdrop and kneelift to send Ric flying, and cheater Hogan hits him with an illegal blow from the apron. Piper slugs away in the corner and we get a Flair Flip, into Hogan’s big boot on the apron, and Hulk tosses him back in again. Over to Hulk, who finally decides to tag in legally instead of taking cheapshots from the apron like he was for the whole match, and we get the Sid-Hulk showdown. Sid puts the boots to him and unleashes a devastating FULL BODY LIFT AND SLAM to take over before raking the face and choking him out in the corner. Hulk comes back with a corner clothesline, but Sid uses more clubbing forearms to put him down again as the match slows down a lot due to Hulk being such a lousy worker that he can’t even make a high level talent like Sid look credible. Finally Hulk tags out to Piper like a coward and lets Roddy do his dirty work, but Sid takes him down with a headlock and then follows with a clothesline to take over again. Sid goes up to the middle rope as 2026 audiences chant PLEASE DON’T DIE, but Piper just hits him with a punch on the way down. Flair tosses Piper and Sid does what can charitably be called a chairshot if you’ve had a couple of gummies I guess, and it’s thankfully back to Flair and Piper for another slugfest in the ring. Flair goes up and Piper slams him off, but Piper crawls the wrong way and does a little mat wrestling with Flair before finding his bearings and making the hot tag to Hogan. Big boot and legdrop on Flair, but the ref is distracted and Sid hits another…chairshot…? Sure, call it a chairshot. Flair gets two off that, but Hulk somehow revives from the devastating effect of the chair waving near his back region and makes the comeback. Atomic drop on Flair and it’s BONZO GONZO, but the heels double-team Piper and send him to the floor. This leaves Flair alone with Hulk, and Hulk hits him with the Axe Bomber and pins him at 13:00. This had incredible heat from start to finish but it was some of the most ridiculously dramatic swings from “tremendously entertaining” to “hilariously awful” every time Sid got in the ring and I don’t even know what to do with it. Call it *** overall because it’s still worth watching for everything not related to Sid. Plus it contains what may be the worst chairshot in recorded human history, dating back to cave people painting primitive depictions of folding chair shots on dinosaurs onto the walls of their early prehistoric homes. They’d be over on paleolithic Reddit on /r/oogabooga (formerly /r/ungabunga before it went too woke for the moderators) giving it “negative three shiny things in the sky”.

Meanwhile, we take a look at the Bushwhackers hijacking an aerobic workout class. I feel like they were running out of ideas for skits at this point.

The Bushwhackers, Sgt. Slaughter & Jim Duggan v. The Nasty Boys & The Beverly Brothers

Dark match from the Superstars taping in Mobile AL, March 1992. Alfred Hayes has a fun fact about New Zealand: It’s one of the countries with the smallest population in the world, 3.5 million people as of 1992. That IS a fun fact! We get a bunch of stalling to start, as you’d expect from this crew of D-listers, with Butch finally starting with Knobs at 3:00 into the match. Knobs gets some cheapshots in the corner, but Butch bites him in the ass and it’s BREAKING LOOSE IN TULSA as the faces clean house and dance around the ring like a bunch of jackasses. I expect this kind of nonsense from Jim Duggan but Slaughter is supposed to be a military man and setting a better example. Back in the ring, Sags gets worked over in the babyface corner, but then Luke comes in and he’s useless as usual and the heels beat him up. But then the faces get the hot tag and Butch comes in for the battering ram, but Sags hits him with the megaphone and puts Knobs on top for the pin at 9:41. ½*. I feel like I wasted 10 minutes of my life even reviewing the small amount of “action” that happened here.

The British Bulldog v. Shawn Michaels

Another dark match from February 1992. Shawn gets overpowered and bails to the floor, and Bulldog works a headlock and puts Shawn down with a clothesline. Sherri distracts Davey long enough to Shawn to take over with the superkick and he puts the boots to the Bulldog and follows with a backdrop. Shawn with the chinlock and he tosses Davey and follows with a clothesline off the apron and back in with a double axehandle for two. Back to the chinlock and Shawn slams him and goes to the middle rope for a flying elbow, which gets two. Another try misses and Bulldog makes the comeback, but Shawn pokes him in the eye. So Bulldog kicks him to the floor and they brawl out there, before heading back in for a press slam onto the top rope from Davey. And then Sherri gets involved for the DQ at 7:48 as you knew they weren’t going to deliver a finish here, a month into Shawn’s heel turn. Usual good Shawn-Bulldog match otherwise. **1/2

Tailor to the Wrestlers: We meet Needles the Tailor in a lore drop never heard about before. I’ll give you one guess which stereotype he’s portraying. He journeys to the Undertaker’s lair and pitches new looks for him, but Taker grabs his throat and demands BLACK. Next up, Rick Martel develops a tear in his cumberbund, but Needles accidentally pokes him while repairing it, and Martel chases him off. Finally, Needles is working on the Mountie’s gear and accidentally puts the same Velcro on both sides of the jacket, so they don’t stick. Hilarious?

The Mountie & The Nasty Boys v. Bret Hart & The Natural Disasters

This has been way too much Nasty Boys already. Another dark match from the same time period as the first matches on the tape. Big run of stalling to start and Bret drops an elbow on Mountie to start, sending him out of the ring. Back in, the Disasters trap the heels in the corner for the big squish and then whip them all into Bret’s boot in the other corner. Cute spot. More stalling from the heels and Sags tries a slam on Typhoon, but that fails and Bret comes in and goes to work on him again. Finally the Mountie spears him with a chair on the floor to take over. Bret fights them off and makes the hot tag to Typhoon, who splashes Mountie, but it’s a big brawl and the heels all run away at 10:30 and don’t return. Well that was a terrible finish. *

Virgil v. Repo Man

Yup, another Challenge dark match taping from February 1992. I don’t mind because it’s all new matches, at least, but I wish they’d mix in more MSG and Boston stuff like they used to, because this all looks generic as hell and hearing the broadcast team of Sean Mooney and Alfred Hayes over and over is draining. Virgil chases Repo to the floor to start and back in for a backslide that gets two. Virgil works the arm as Mooney claims that Virgil has “trained and trained for hours” learning moves like that armbar. But then Virgil misses a blind charge and lands on the floor, as I guess he spent too much time training the armbar and not enough training blind charges. Sean also notes that Repo has years of practice making sure that people don’t hear him coming, like when he sneaks into people’s houses in the middle of the night. Do with that what you will. Repo goes to a neck vice and cuts off a comeback attempt from Virgil and then pins him with his feet on the ropes at 6:11. *

Skinner v. El Matador

God this tape just keeps going. So as a change of pace, this match was actually recycled from the 1991 Survivor Series Showdown, but with new commentary. Matador works the arm and Skinner bails to the apron and yells at some neckbeard in the front row before bailing to the floor. Back in, Tito takes him down with a headscissors and headlock and that goes on for a while. Tito gets tossed to break it and they brawl on the floor, with Skinner choking him out to take over. Back in the ring for more choking and a lengthy chinlock while Skinner yells at the front row. And then it’s an even lengthier chinlock, before Tito finally makes a comeback and finishes with Pace With Extra Picante at 11:47. I have no idea why they randomly stuck this one in there with all the dark matches. ½*

Randy Savage v. The Berzerker

Another dark match from February 1992, as Berzerker was apparently subbing for Jake Roberts here. He beats on Savage and tosses him to the floor, but misses a kneedrop on the way in and allows Savage to fight back in the corner. Berzerker boots him down but the ref is somehow bumped on a bodyslam. Fuji gets involved and tosses the RACIST SALT, but hits Berzerker in the face with it and Macho drops the big elbow at 3:55. Apparently Savage had somewhere to be and wanted to beat the traffic. DUD. I should note that the primitive screwheads on /r/ungabunga are big fans of Berzerker and felt that this was pretty severely underrated, according to the latest unearthed posts on the Reddit cave paintings. Those fucking woke-ass liberal Cro-Magnons on /r/oogabooga hated him, but what do they know?

The Warlord v. Tatanka

What a finish to this tape! This is so early in Tatanka’s run that he’s still got the full white tights. It’s from the same taping as the last match, actually. Tatanka escapes Warlord’s power attack and fights back with chops, but Warlord clotheslines him to take over. To the floor for some brawling and Warlord runs him into the stairs, busting the top of his head open until his hair is covered with blood! No wait that was already there, my mistake. Back in the ring, Tatanka comes in with a sunset flip, but Warlord uses clubbing forearms and goes to a lengthy chinlock. But then he tries a slam and Tatanka miraculously cradles for the pin at 8:00. ½*

Well this was certainly a tape that happened.

That’s all I got.