The SmarK Rant for AWF Warriors of Wrestling – Episode 18 (THE FINALE!)

The SmarK Rant for AWF Warriors of Wrestling – Episode 18

And so we come to the end of the available episodes of Paul Alperstein’s little promotion that couldn’t, and put this thing to bed.

I’ve got a few choices to replace it, namely Smoky Mountain Wrestling and Global Wrestling Federation, both of which are in abundance on the KrisP drive.

So let’s take one final set of drinks for the late Alperstein and then move on with our lives. Sadly I don’t think we’ll ever find out who wins the tag team title tournament that was announced last week, although I do know the answer and will pass it along for a $5 Paypal gratuity.

Also, after seeing the whole run, we’ve now established that the third episode, which was shown out of order on this DVD set, is in fact that LAST episode chronologically.

Taped from the stock room in Mindy’s Bakery

Your hosts are Mick Karch & Terry Taylor

The Renegades v. Steve Storm & Jon Paul

The mysterious Renegades are in fact JEFF GAYLORD & THE WARLORD, who have snuck into the tournament by submitting their team twice to beat the system. Spoiler: They still didn’t win. Important clarification, however, as this is NOT a tournament match, for those of you pulling an Ohtani and putting money on this thing. Stall stall stall to start, and Gaylord puts Jon Paul down with some shoulderblocks and stops to pose, which is pretty sad considering he doesn’t exactly have an impressive physique. I would never advocate for the use of illicit enhancement drugs to get ahead, but maybe Gaylord should borrow some leftover needles from Warlord because he’d probably get ripped just by being in the same dressing room. Warlord beats on Paul in the corner and hits a corner clothesline and then we get some more stalling to end the round.

Second round as Humperdink cuts a promo on Johnny Gunn and Jim Powers in advance of their showdown against the Texas Hangmen later tonight. Warlord hits Storm with a gut wrench suplex and Gaylord comes in with a double axehandle for two. Storm tries to fight back and Gaylord puts him down with a clothesline, nearly tripping over his own feet in the process, and Warlord adds a shoulderblock as we learn that the AWF actually has a Board of Directors. Now there’s a meeting I’d pay to see. Warlord with a powerslam and Gaylord gets the pin with a shitty flying elbow, the kind that makes Jerry Sags look like Randy Savage, at 8:06. Hot take: This was an incredibly shitty squash. I also have a theory, which is that they announced the brackets for the tournament and thought they had Chris & Mark Youngblood signed, but then forgot to actually call them, and just decided to stick Gaylord & Warlord in there as The Renegades instead and pretend they meant to do it.

Meanwhile, Sgt. Slaughter & Tito Santana feel really bad about not getting selected for the tag team title tournament, but Tito will continue to defend his World title and they also issue a challenge to the winners of the tournament. Also they reference Gaylord & Warlord not being in the tournament, which bolsters my theory about this promotion being shitty.

AWF World Tag Team title tournament round one: The Texas Hangmen v. Johnny Gunn & Jimmy Powers

Once again, Gunn is mobbed by young girls on the way to the ring. Hey, is it too soon to make P. Diddy jokes yet? Discuss amongst yourselves. Terry Taylor is possessed by the ghosts of the Megapowers for a bit but shakes it off as Powers runs wild on the Hangmen to start and clears the ring. So then Gunn follows with a “dive”, literally falling his on head like a fish flailing on the beach and then celebrating like he meant to do it, and works the arm of a Hangman back in the ring. Crossbody gets two. Back elbow gets two. And the round expires as we get an inset promo from the SST.

Round two and apparently the team of Gunn and Powers are up by one point. They double-team whichever Hangman and get a double back elbow for two, but Powers gets his hair pulled from the apron and the Hangmen go to work. Given that they’re Texas Hangman they probably thought that Powers was a pregnant teen seeking an abortion. You know, the worst kind of criminal. Powers gets choked out in the corner as Karch prays to the highest power available, PAUL ALPERSTEIN (TAKE A DRINK!) to lay down the law and prevent all this rule-breaking. And the round comes to an end on that note.

Third round and the scoring has now been evened up thanks to the aggressive choking by the Hangmen, which has apparently warranted a point in their favor. The Hangmen encounter some heel miscommunication and Johnny Gunn gets the hot tag and hits a Hangman with the powerbomb for two, but the babyfaces collide by accident. However that means nothing and they quickly shrug it off and finish with the Hart Attack at 12:41. They have literally been teasing the breakup of this team since their FIRST MATCH and it never paid off or went anywhere. This was fine. It was a wrestling match.

The Blacktop Bully v. Chris Nelson

Given the blatant IP theft of Nailz I’m shocked they didn’t just roll the dice and have Darsow play the Repo Man again. Probably would have caused 40% of the audience to run to their cars in terror, come to think of it. The other 60% can’t afford cars because they’re homeless. Bully beats on the arm and finishes with a top wristlock at 1:17. I’m just gonna say it: This character rebooted as a conspiracy-spouting MAGA idiot would probably have legs these days.

Meanwhile, Mr. Hughes & Hercules do a yelling promo about the Renegades where they point to the camera a lot.

The Executioner v. Derrick Lambert

Executioner looks nothing like guys with that gimmick usually do, as he’s a tall lanky guy who hits Lambert with a back suplex and then finishes with a half-crab at 1:20. I tried to do some detective work to figure out the guy’s identity but then realized I don’t care and I’m never watching this show again anyway. I assume he’s one of the rando jobbers repackaged with a silver mask.

Meanwhile, Tony Atlas & Koko B. Ware chat with cardboard cutout Chris E about their tournament match with the Super Destroyers.

Tag team title tournament, round one: The Super Destroyers v. Koko B. Ware & Tony Atlas

The Destroyers are so ghetto that they don’t even have matching gear or masks. SUPER Destroyers? Hardly. They’re barely even Adequate Destroyers. The masked men double-team Atlas while we get an exciting inset promo from Ron Powers & Fidel Sierra. But then Atlas randomly fights him off and gets a press slam for the pin at 2:14. Yeah.

Meanwhile, Chris Adams and Konnan 2000 (so named because that’s how much he spends on steroids per week) have words for the SST in advance of next week’s tournament match.

So for those who want to finish out the set in order, here’s the review of “Episode 3”, which is actually the final episode on the set and of course doesn’t conclude the tag team tournament in any way:

https://www.blogofdoom.com/2023/05/19/the-smark-rant-for-awf-warriors-of-wrestling-episode-3/

Man this show had potential to be a rip-roaring trainwreck of awful ala Herb Abrams when it started, but even worse than being bad, it just kind of sputtered to a finish and got really boring. Just a parade of squash matches that didn’t build to anything, and angles that didn’t go anywhere or provide any kind of payoff. A show obsessed with “following the rules” but which never had any DQs or countouts to actually show the consequences of breaking them. A show constantly touting the rounds system but where none of the matches ever went to a draw to show the point of it. A show built on “taking wrestling back to its roots” that was getting crushed by two mainstream promotions who were actually evolving the very concept wrestling on TV week by week. By 1995 you couldn’t present that kind of 70s “throwback” product and expect to compete with what was being put out by the Big Two, especially if there wasn’t any house shows or PPV to promote. It was just a lot of nothing going nowhere, which unsurprisingly turned out to be a money laundering operation for the mafia, ironically a much more interesting backstory than anything ever presented on the show itself.

So everyone raise your glasses and one last time, and take a drink for Paul Alperstein! Preferably something cheap and bland, just like his wrestling promotion.