The SmarK Rant for AWF Warriors of Wrestling – Episode 15

The SmarK Rant for AWF Warriors of Wrestling – Episode 15

Taped from the stock room of the local Goodwill somewhere near Chicago, IL

Your hosts are Terry Taylor & Mick Karch

The Warlord & Jeff Gaylord v. Sonny Rogers & Bobby Bradley

Gaylord, the world’s least intimidating giant who is best summed up as what you get when you order Mike Awesome on Wish, beats on Rogers with forearms to start and blocks a crossbody with a fallaway slam. Gaylord with a press slam that started out as a backdrop and then went very wrong, and it’s over to Warlord. Clothesline and delayed vertical suplex from him and they bring Bradley in and double-team him as well. Warlord with a running powerslam to finish at 3:25. A completely generic squash from a pair of completely generic muscleheads.

Meanwhile, AI generated interviewer Chris E chants with Chris Adams, who might be friends with Tito Santana, but he still wants a title shot. Also, Chris is skeptical that Ambassador Steve Casey is actually an ambassador. Me too.

Meanwhile, Cowboy Bob Orton is tired of Tito Santana travelling around the world to defend his AWF World title when there’s top competition like himself RIGHT HER.E in America.

Ambassador Steve Casey v. Terry Allen

Taylor has a nice moment as he talks about how he had a good friend named Terry Allen who had his career end early from a car wreck. Not the same guy of course. Casey gets a backslide for two, and Allen comes back with a crucifix for two while we get an inset promo from the Samoans and they growl and stuff. Casey comes back and drops Allen on the top rope, whiplashing his neck in the process, and finishes with a samoan drop at 1:56.

Meanwhile, Killer Ken talks with Casey, who is now fully decked out in his suspenders (or “braces” as they’re called in Britain) and bow tie (or “butterfly necklace” as the British say) again. He’s disgusted by the murdering of the language here in America. Me too.

Johnny Gunn & Jimmy Powers v. Rick Rocket & Tony Ramone

A horde of women run into the ring to mob Johnny, ignoring poor Powers in the process, until security pulls them off. I guess we’re back to that storyline again after dropping it for a few weeks. Well we’ve got 3 episodes left for this to pay off with something. Powers beats on Ramone to start while we get an inset promo from 2 Cold Scorpio. The jobbers bail to talk it over, but Gunn hits them with a dive and nearly breaks himself in half on the railing because there’s about a foot and a half of space on the hard cam side. Back in the ring, Powers works on Ramone’s arm and runs him into the turnbuckles with a hammerlock a few times. Over to Rocket, but Gunn works on his arm and hits a short powerbomb as the round ends.

Second round and the announcers are mocking the pasty Crockett jobber body on Rocket. That’s part of the charm of a good jobber! Gunn with a pumphandle slam, but Rock escapes and brings Ramone in again. So Powers gets what I guess is a hot tag and he pulls down the straps, perhaps because his roided muscles could no longer keep them from snapping in two, and runs wild on Ramone before finishing with a Hart Attack at 7:13. I know they’re put together to break up but this team has zero chemistry with each other.

Meanwhile, the Freebirds are also big supporters of the round system. I’m continually amused at how insecure Alperstein was, that he needed to have every wrestler put him over and mention the rounds system in every promo.

Meanwhile, Greg Valentine and Tommy Rich apparently need Rico Suave to cut promos for them.

Meanwhile, Sgt. Slaughter has all kinds of foreigners bothering him just because they seem to think that it’s OK to not be from America. The nerve.

Fidel Sierra v. Firefighter Jim

Sierra is now with Sheik Adnan just in case everyone didn’t know to boo Sierra last time he appeared. I guess the character was just too nuanced and needed to be dumbed down a bit. Meanwhile, we get an unrelated inset from Tito Santana, who continues to lie about travelling around the world defending his title, and claims that Paul Alperstein is the one who books his opponents, so he’s not ducking Bob Orton. Man, why would you throw Paul Alperstein under the bus like that? Not cool. Sierra finishes with a sleeper in 1:00. And then he covers him with the Cuban flag while Terry rages about how you have to wake up the jobber to “get the blood flowing back to his brain”. Community note on behalf of science: This is not correct.

Meanwhile, Fidel Sierra talks with Ken Resnick and Adnan is now absent, and Sierra is looking forward to destroying American pig Sgt. Slaughter on behalf of Cuba.

The Samoan Swat Team v. Pretty Boy Floyd & Hubert Simpson

Simpson gets dumped right away and the Samoans double-team Floyd. Tama with a sideslam and a double headbutt gets two before Samu picks him up. Hubert doesn’t want a tag, so Samu throws Floyd into the corner to force him in. The Samoans smack Hubert around and give him a pink belly and Samu finishes with a DDT at 2:30. Terry Taylor is pretty much busting on how terrible the match was, too. Specifically Hubert Simpson had no idea what he was doing out there and could barely even bump, which is probably why the Samoans decided to rough him up.

Meanwhile, Ken chats with Gunn and Powers about the invasion of the ring rats in their match earlier. It should be noted that both guys are now wearing completely different gear from what they had in the match. And then Gunn tells a story about pulling up at a red light in their convertible and getting attacked by a car full of beautiful girls, who apparently raped him until Powers was able to pull them off. I’m surprised they haven’t booked the girls to mob Paul Alperstein as well on these shows.

A complete NOTHING of an episode, more empty filler as they meander towards actually announcing their tag team title tournament, and more guys challenging other guys to matches that never happen, as nothing ever leads to anything. We’re 15 out of 18 episodes into this and there’s been maybe 2 matches total outside of the World title tournament that were anything but squashes. Even Karch and Taylor sounded bored with this one. Tito Santana appears once per episode, tells us about title defenses he’s had in other countries, and then leaves again. It would be one thing if this was promoting house shows or a PPV or ANYTHING. But it’s not.

Anyway, we know the ups and downs of the promotion by now. It is what it is.