The SmarK Rant for AWF Warriors of Wrestling – Episode 11

The SmarK Rant for AWF Warriors of Wrestling – Episode 11

Taped from a homeless shelter somewhere outside of Chicago, IL

Your hosts are Mick Karch & Terry Taylor. Which superstar impersonation will Terry gift us with this week? Stay tuned to find out!

For a change, we start with a cold open with Ken Resnick & Chris E, who run down the exciting card upcoming over a green screen.

Johnny Gunn & Jimmy Powers v. Ken McGuire & Hubert Simpson

This is the AWF debut of the babyfaces as a team and they’re already teasing that Powers is turning heel before they even make it to the ring. That’s some impressive efficiency of storytelling. We get an inset promo from Michael Hayes, who is definitely a heel now and reminds us that PS means “purely sexy”, unlike Gunn and Powers, who obviously paid the broads in the front row to cheer for them. Gunn and Powers work on the arm of McGuire while the announcers continue hammering home the plot point that all the ladies LOVE Johnny Gunn but Powers is mostly indifferent to the attention. McGuire bails and Gunn hits both jobbers with a tope as Gunn gets all the babyface shine to continue making the point about who the big star of the team is supposed to be. Over to Hubert and the announcers completely bury this poor guy for his physique and lack of mobility, but Gunn misses a blind charge and bumps to the floor to end the first round.

Back with the jobbers working Gunn over in the corner and choking him out, leading to McGuire holding a chinlock before Gunn makes the valiant comeback with a legsweep. Over to Powers, who runs wild on McGuire and they finish with a messed up Hart Attack at 8:43. This was BAAAAAAD. Tom Brandi at least had a little bit of a star presence at this point and seemed to give a shit, but Jim Powers was clearly pumping whatever payday he got directly into his ass cheeks and barely even left the apron here. And once again Powers blows off the screaming girls and leaves Gunn to get all the ring rat action at ringside. Also the replay of the finish shows that the jobber in pink tried to take a facefirst bump on a Hart Attack for some reason.

Afterwards, Johnny and Jimmy talk with Chris E, and Gunn is just amazed at a GIRL being all over him. Aw, shucks! And then Powers does his promo but she cuts him off because they’re out of time. Holy crap I don’t know where they found this “interviewer” but she makes the Diva Search losers look like Renee Paquette. I imagine it was another chapter in the continuing story of Powers turning heel but this came off like something from Botchamania.

Nailz v. Night Train Jackson

Wait, they know what “night train” is referring to, right? I mean, being a wino who gets blasted on cheap booze is certainly on trend for this promotion, but that’s his own business. Nailz chokes him out in the corner, but Jackson makes a brief comeback and then runs into a knee in the corner to end that rally. And then Nailz dumps him and slams him back in, before finishing with the choke sleeper at 2:38.

Meanwhile, Paul Alperstein (TAKE A DRINK! OF NIGHT TRAIN!) once again threatens consequences for Nailz and his rulebreaking ways. Dude is literally working in a prison outfit, I’m not sure what they thought would happen.

Chris Adams v. Sonny Rogers

Speaking of winos on the sauce, they continue putting over Chris Adams and his mastery of the rounds system despite no evidence to support that. And we get an inset from Ambassador Steve Casey, who is debuting soon and coming after Adams. Casey was a curtain jerker from Crockett a decade before and at the literal end of his career, so he fits in well with this crew. Rogers gets a couple of moves on Adams, but doesn’t capitalize, and that allows Adams to take him down with an armbar and then follows with a back suplex. And the superkick finishes at 2:41.

Hercules & Mr. Hughes v. Rick Rocket & Billy Joe Eaton

Herc overpowers Eaton to start and hits him with a corner clothesline at one quarter speed. Eaton makes a comeback while we namedrop Paul Alperstein (TAKE A DRINK!) but Herc just stands there and no-sells the dropkicks before tagging out. Over to Hughes and he slugs Rocket down and then chokeslams him for the pin at 3:15. “Mercifully this one is over” notes Karch in the understatement of the season.

Afterwards, Hercules and Hughes promise to come after the AWF World tag team titles that haven’t been announced as a thing yet.

Tom Zenk v. Hulk Elliot

Taylor’s impression of the week is of course Hulk Hogan, offended at his name being stolen by the jobber. Zenk works a headlock and takes him down for some kicks and then a standing dropkick. Bulldog out of the corner finishes at 2:11. When you’ve burned all your bridges in the business, you end up in the AWF, I guess.

Meanwhile, Chris E interviews a fan named Cindy who really loves Johnny Gunn. And she gets to meet him! Holy shit this show is awful. Also she looks 14 and this was kind of icky.

Cowboy Bob Orton v. Chad Miller

Orton gets a slam while we get an inset from Tito Santana, who is apparently off defending the title in Mexico. Sure he is. Miller throws Orton over the top and they hand-wave any DQ away, as Orton heads back in and dodges a blind charge to take over. And he just goes right to the piledriver to finish at 2:30.

And we finish with another Terry Funk tribute interview from Orton, who is coming after Tito Santana and his title again.

Man it didn’t take long for this show to go completely off the rails again. You have to admire that on some level. Even CM Punk needs at least a month to alienate everyone in the promotion and get fired, generally speaking.