The SmarK Rant for AWF Warriors of Wrestling – Episode 10

The SmarK Rant for AWF Warriors of Wrestling – Episode 10

Taped from Chicago, IL

Your hosts are Mick Karch & Terry Taylor

In our last thrilling episode, Tito Santana defeated Bob Orton to claim the first ever AWF World title. Now we have to carry on in the aftermath as best we can.

Tito Santana joins Killer Ken, with his newly won title, and he reveals that besides the 16 people in the tournament, there were others who COULDN’T get into the tournament! Talk about a low bar for entry. How much of a jobber do you have to be to get rejected from THAT tournament?

Koko B. Ware v. Trevor Blanchard

Electricity is in the air from Koko, apparently, which is good because Paul Alperstein probably couldn’t afford to pay the power bill otherwise. Blanchard attacks to start, but Koko backdrops him while the crowd of paid actors completely overreact to everything. Koko slams the guy a couple of times and everyone on camera makes sure to jump up and flap their arms. Koko with a back suplex and he goes up with a missile dropkick and finishes with the brainbuster at 2:49. I’m assuming this was the first match of the 16 hour taping because everyone had lots of fake energy.

Meanwhile, Killer Ken introduces the newest broadcaster for the AWF, “Chris E”.

Michael Hayes v. Danny Boy Hawkins

I’m assuming that Hayes owns the publishing rights to “Badstreet USA”, which is why he can use it here. I’m really curious on the exact timeframe of this taping because Hayes’ back was basically cooked for good by 1995. The crowd gives Danny Boy a big reaction before realizing that they’re supposed to be cheering for Hayes instead. Meanwhile we get an inset promo from Sheik Adnan while Hercules and Mr. Hughes look mean, which makes me sad that we would probably never see Michael Hayes v. Hercules. Hayes slugs Danny Boy down and drops a fist on him before going to a chinlock. Hayes stops to moonwalk and beats Hawkins down some more, but Danny Boy fights back as the crowd cheers him on and I’m increasing confused about who the babyface is supposed to be here. But then Hayes puts him down with his famous left hand and pins him at 3:38. Afterwards, Hayes does a heel promo on AWF President Paul Alperstein, after being left out of the tournament, and brags that he was the star of Highlander. THE FIRST ONE. THE SUCCESSFUL ONE. OK, as an 80s nerd, I laughed pretty hard at that one.

The Texas Hangmen v. Butler Stevens & Eric Freedom

We’re joined by Terry Funk-Taylor on commentary in an impressive bit. Killer beats on Stevens in the corner, and it’s over to Psycho, while we get an inset promo from Johnny Gunn and Jim Powers. They promise to rise to the highest level next week! It goes without saying that it’s the highest level of testosterone. Freedom comes in and runs wild for a bit and gets double-teamed. Killer with a belly to belly and they hit Freedom with a double clothesline. Back to Stevens, but he walks into a double powerbomb and double neckbreaker to finish him at 3:49. Pretty fun squash actually.

Meanwhile, Chris E interviews new signee Tom Zenk.

Tony Atlas v. Hawkeye Tony Hunter

They’ve got some quality jobber names on this show, you have to give them that. Tony takes Hunter down with armdrags, while wrestling in Zubaz pants no less, and backdrops him out of the corner. Hunter tries to rake the eyes and gets headbutted, and then Atlas hits him with a press slam and big splash to finish at 1:37. Afterwards, Tony dares Nails to come and hurt him.

Greg Valentine & Luscious Tommy Rich v. Pretty Boy Floyd & Firefighter Jim

OK we’ve reached peak jobber names with these guys, made better because they have a combined weight of 400 pounds. Am I actually having FUN watching this nonsense? Miracles can happen. Rich takes Floyd down with a facelock and controls him on the mat, and Hammer comes in and works the leg while the announcers mock Floyd’s Hogan-like head of hair. Rich puts the boots to him as we get our first mention of Paul Alperstein from the announcers, take a drink! Firefighter Jim comes in, and this guy weighs a buck fifty, MAYBE, and that’s counting his t-shirt and sweatpants. Hammer hits him with a butterly suplex and then just holds him down on the mat and drops knees on him as the round expires at 4:00. Did they seriously pull some guy out of the crowd and stick him in there as a job guy?

We take a break and return with this thriller, as Jim the Firefighter makes a comeback and Hammer is like “Yeah OK” and then clobbers him. So then the guy messes up taking an irish whip from Rich while we get an on-screen cameo from Paul Alperstein, TAKE A DRINK, and Rich continues torturing this poor kid who is completely in over his head here, and Valentine finishes with the figure-four at 6:30. Floyd at least looked like he had more than one training class before making TV, but the same couldn’t be said for the firefighter. Afterwards, Rico Suave rants about “Paul Zapperstein”, which is such a weird insult for Alperstein but the heels continuously use it like it’s some kind of witty putdown. I’m assuming Alperstein came up with that one himself? Wouldn’t you call him “Alpo-Stein” and make dog food jokes about him if you wanted to mock him?

Sgt. Slaughter v. T. Rex

Rex attacks Sarge to start, but Tommy Rich shows up at ringside as we actually get an ANGLE on this show? What am I watching, an actual wrestling TV show? Slaughter is somewhat distracted but still hits Rex with the Cannon and finishes with the cobra clutch at 1:15. So Sarge lays down on his back to offer Rich a free shot, and that’s about the only time you’re ever gonna see Slaughter voluntarily laying down for a long while, but Rich decides not to go rub his belly or whatever. And Slaughter offers congratulations to Tito Santana as we wrap it up for another week.

Hey, this was…not the worst? Lots of fake energy from the “crowd” of homeless people and some quality sub-Crockett skinny jobbers with goofy names. What else do you need from your wrestling show?