The SmarK Rant for AEW Revolution – 03.15.26

The SmarK Rant for AEW Revolution – 03.15.26

Live from Los Angeles, CA

Your hosts are Tony Schiavone & Excalibur & Nigel McGuinness

AEW National title, Battle Royale:

So we pick up the PPV with the match down to Jungle Jack and Ricochet, and the winner getting the National title. Ric goes to the apron and tries to pull Jack to the floor, but Jack teases a sunset bomb off the apron and manages to keep his feet off the floor. He superkicks Ricochet out there, but can’t get him to the floor, and then recovers with a poison rana and puts Ricochet down and out, winning the National title in the process. Weird that both champions won battle royales to win the title so far.

AEW World tag team title: FTR v. The Young Bucks

The Bucks bring their literal entire family to ringside with them, and clean house to start. They brawl on the floor and the Bucks double-team Dax with a german suplex and then send him to the floor for a dive. But FTR catches the flying Nick and drops him on the timekeeper table, and then hit Matt with a spike piledriver on the apron while Nick starts bleeding. Back in the ring, Dax slugs away on the cut, but Nick superkicks him for two. Dax is also busted open, and Nick fights them both off, but he has no backup Buck to tag thanks to Cash. FTR with the PowerPlex attempt, but Nick fights them off and hits Cash with a missile dropkick while landing on Dax with a senton. That’s a surprisingly technical highspot to pull off so easily. Matt gets a hot tag and runs wild for a bit, rolling up Cash and hitting Dax with a northern lights suplex at the same time, for two. Dax bails and Matt hits a half-assed stunner off the apron, but his neck is still messed up from the piledriver. So his kid has to tell him to stop being such a wuss and go take care of business. Dax torments the family, so Brother Buck tosses his drink in Dax’s face and Cash hits him with a dive by mistake as well. Rough night for the Axe.

Back in the ring, Matt hits a bodypress for two. Dax slugs him down again and wants his own superkick party, but Matt takes him down with a Sharpshooter and we get stereo Sharpshooters from the Bucks. FTR makes the ropes after firing each other up, however. The Bucks make the comeback, but Nick flips to the floor with no target and Cash hits him with a brainbuster out there. Dax with the slingshot powerbomb on Matt for two. Matt escapes a piledriver while Cash runs by with a tag title shot that misses, and they all fight onto the apron and the Bucks hit stereo suplexes to the floor for a double down out there. Back in for the slugfest, but the Bucks kick them down and it’s a SUPERKICK PARTY. Stokely breaks up the Meltzer Driver by miraculously rising from the wheelchair, but the Shatter Machine only gets two as a result. Spike piledriver on Nick gets an apparent pin, but the foot was on the ropes. So FTR hits him with their own superkicks and an FTR Trigger, but it only gets one and Nick is HULKING UP. Matt returns and they hit a Buck Machine on Dax and follow with the BTE Trigger for two. Nick takes out Stoke with a dive and they hit the Meltzer on Dax for two, as FTR still won’t die. And in fact, FTR recovers with another spike piledriver on Matt and hits another Shatter Machine on Nick, and that gets the pin at 19:47 to retain. Kinda surprised they didn’t change the titles here after spending so long setting up the Bucks challenging in LA. The match was still incredible and hopefully the next few can follow them. *****. And then we discover why the heels won, as the lights go out and Cope & Cage return to destroy them and set up the next tag title program. Also a staredown with the Bucks which might lead to something later as well.

Timeless Toni Storm v. Marina Shafir

Marina puts her down with kicks to start and smacks Toni RIGHT IN THE BOOB before taking her down and working the arm. Judo throw gets two. Marina with more stiff kicks for two. Marina wraps her up with a deathlock on the mat, but Toni counters into a choke and then drops her with a german suplex, but Marina pops up and puts her down with a boot to the face for two. Storm misses the hip attack and Shafir tries a german off the apron and then settles for a back suplex instead onto the floor. She keeps throwing kicks, but misses one and hits the table, allowing Toni to bite the foot and take over. “Back to her apartment fighting days” notes Nigel. What a menace he is. Toni comes with a trio of german suplexes, which sets up the hip attack in the corner, but Marina calls for more, so Toni delivers two more and follows with Storm Zero for two. I don’t feel like this match needed that kickout. Toni tries another piledriver, but Marina reverses into Mother’s Milk, so Toni fittingly bites her on the boob. And the BIG PACKAGE finishes at 9:35. Well the finish was unique, you have to give it that. This was mostly Toni selling for Marina’s kicks, but they worked hard and managed to hold the crowd. ***. But then we get a pretty legitimately shocking run-in, as Ronda Rousey hits the ring to challenge Toni in advance of the Netflix clown show match with Gina Carano. Must be a co-promotional deal, but I really did not need Ronda back on my TV again. I mean, obviously I’m gonna watch the Carano mess because I love trainwrecks, but she doesn’t need to be wrestling again.

AEW Continental title: Jon Moxley v. Konosuke Takeshita

They trade shots to start and they do the test of strength, and Takeshita slugs away in the corner, and Moxley fires back with his own chops before they take it to the floor and brawl out there. Mox with a dive into the railing, and back in the ring for a corner clothesline and he goes to work on the leg and takes him down with a dragon screw and half crab. Mox with a piledriver, but Takeshita reverses out, so Mox blocks the knee and takes him down with a figure-four. Takeshita makes the ropes and Mox kicks the leg out again, but Mox powers him up into a wheelbarrow suplex. Takeshita with the knee strike for the double down off that. They slug it out and Moxley absorbs that and goes for the sleeper, but Takeshita turns it into the Blue Thunder bomb for two. They fight to the apron, but Moxley takes out the knee again and hits a curb stomp out there. Takeshita beats the count, but runs right into a piledriver that gets two.

Mox pounds him with headbutts to bust him open and they trade shots again, and this time Mox hits a Gotch piledriver for two. Crossface follows and Takeshita powers out of it and puts him down with a lariat. To the top, and Takeshita brings him down with an exploder and follows with the power drive knee for two. Moxley pops up with a cutter, but Takeshita rises up like a monster, so Moxley hits him with a Paradigm Shift and can’t make the cover. So they charge and Moxley puts him down with an elbow, which gets two. Death Rider is countered by Takeshita and he hits Raging Fire for two, which was a very close two. Takeshita with another knee, but Moxley kicks the knee, hits a Death Rider, and that gets two as well. They fight to the top and Moxley brings him down with another Death Rider…and that only gets two. Moxley tries the choke with no better ideas on how to put this guy away, but Takeshita flips him off, so Moxley cranks it in and finally puts him out at 23:38 to retain. Another one where I thought for sure they were doing a title change. This was a crazy war. ****1/2. And afterwards, Mox gives him the handshake of respect, which will probably go badly for Takeshita later on.

And then it’s the return of my man WILL OSPREAY, who is apparently less crippled than previously thought, and he attacks Moxley and fights off the Death Riders. That’s some pretty amazing neck surgery. Did they just weld a steel bar into his spine or something?!? I should look the guy up and see if he can fix my back.

AEW Women’s tag team title: Willow Nightingale & Harley Cameron v. Lena Kross & Megan Bayne

I like whoever dubbed the heels “Team Aura Farm”. Apparently Willow was injured by the heels on Zero Hour, so she’s got a bad arm. Harley gets thrown around by Bayne and double-teamed in the corner, and Kross gets a lariat for two. Harley fights them off and hits Bayne with a bodypress, but it’s back to Kross as Willow gets a hot tag and tries to fight them off with one arm. Pounce for Bayne, but they all slug it out and the heels destroy Harley with a german suplex. Kross with a superkick on Willow, but she fights back with a backslide for two. So the heels hit her with a double chokeslam and pin her to win the titles at 5:00. Mostly just a squash, but it was time to take the belts off the Babes. *1/2

Swerve Strickland v. Brody King

They slug it out and Brody chops him down and follows with a backdrop suplex. Cannonball is countered with a house call kick, and Brody bails to the apron, so Swerve double-stomps him to the floor and then javelins his head into the post. Swerve wants a piledriver on the floor, but Brody runs him into the railing and back into the ring for two. They trade chops and Brody wins that battle. Swerve uses SMALL JOINT MANIPULATION and bends Brody’s fingers in the corner to take over again, so Brody bends him around the post while Swerve taps, and then Brody drops him on the stairs with a backbreaker. They slug it out on the apron and Brody tries an armbar out there, but Swerve powerbombs him to escape. Swerve exposes a turnbuckle and teases a curb stomp into the steel, but Brody powers out of it and they fight to the top. Brody sends him down and follows with a bodypress, and the cannonball sends Swerve into his own exposed buckle for two. Swerve bails to the apron and Brody drops him with the sleeper, but he tries a Ganzo Bomb out there and Swerve reverses to a vertebreaker on the concrete, and that’s gotta do it. He beats the count, but Swerve hits him with the Swerve Stomp, and it only gets one. Swerve keeps throwing kicks, but Brody won’t go down, so Swerve hits another house call kick and that finally puts him down at 14:35. I was hoping Brody would get this one, but Swerve has bigger things ahead and shouldn’t have done the job anyway. Hell of an effort from King, though. ****. And before Swerve can break Brody’s arm again, Kenny Omega makes the save and chases him off.

AEW World Women’s title, 2/3 Falls: Thekla v. Kris Statlander

Statlander throws Thekla around to start and escapes the Tarantula, and then brings Thekla back in with a superplex for two. Catapult into the corner, but Thekla dodges a charge and rolls her up for two. Head kick gets two. Bridging rollup gets the first fall at 4:34. I think the crowd didn’t really realize that it was a 2/3 falls match judging by the shocked silence for the quick win there. They fight on the floor and Thekla runs her into the stairs and into the railing to take over again. Back in the ring, Thekla gets the Tarantula, but Stat lays her out and they take it to the top and slug it out up there before Thekla brings her down with the spider suplex. Statlander bails to the floor, so Thekla hits her with a dive and Stat catches her and runs her into the railing and then smashes her repeatedly with a catapult for fun. Back in the ring, Statlander with a slam for two. Thekla throws chops and spins into an armbar, but Stat reverses into Saturday Night Fever to even it up at 13:48. Kris tries it again, but the ref is bumped, so Thekla steals his belt and Stat hits another Saturday Night Fever to counter. This brings out the spooky sisters, but Stat fights them off, so Thekla spears her and follows with a pair of curb stomps to retain at 17:10. I don’t know why this needed to be on PPV to be honest. Just the usual TV match from them with the usual bullshit finish. Not bad or anything, just could have been left off the show. ***

AEW World Trios title: Mark Davis, Kazuchika Okada & Kyle Fletcher v. Mistico, Mike Bailey & Kevin Knight

Mistico and Okada trade takedowns, and Knight comes in, as apparently JetSpeed is wearing matching masks in solidarity. The faces chase them to the floor and Mistico hits Okada with a dive. Back in the ring, the champs regroup and UNMASK JetSpeed, so I guess they can’t ever work Mexico again now. Kyle treats Knight’s mask very rudely after hitting a running boot in the corner, and they all beat Knight down in the corner. Okada with a dropkick for two after a beatdown in the corner. Mistico comes in and hits Okada with a rana and a superkick, and we get a triple tope from the babyfaces. Back in the ring, Okada and Mistico go to work again and trade cradles. Okada and Knight decide to do a dropkick battle and Okada wins that one, and the heels take over. Mistico hits Fletcher with a DDT and they all fight to the apron, before Speedball hits Fletcher with a shooting star press for two. Davis tries to bring a chair into the ring, but Speedball hits the shooting star knees on Fletcher for two, as Davis makes the save. Davis manages to fight off both JetSpeed by himself and piledrives them as well, and that gets two on Bailey. Bailey kicks him down for two and Knight gets a flying clothesline for two. Mistico finally returns and takes Okada down with the spinning headscissors before following with a dive outside and hitting La Mistica on Fletcher in the ring. And Knight flies across the ring with the UFO Splash and pins Davis at 17:40 to win the titles in something of a surprise. And apparently Mistico is now All Elite. All action match but it was a bit hard to follow at times and never really felt like it had a story. ***1/2

Bandido v. Andrade El Idolo

They fight to a stalemate to start and trade gymnastics before Andrade goes tranquilo. So it’s time for Bandido to remove the pants, but Andrade lays him out with a running knee when he gets all caught up. They heads to the floor and Bandido dives off the apron with a rana. Back in the ring, Bandido tries a springboard rana and Andrade powerbombs him to lay him out. Back to the floor, Andrade drops him on the railing and then finally loses the pants to give Don Callis the vapors. Back in the ring now that everyone is as naked as they need to be, and Andrade goes to a chinlock. Bandido powers up and counters into a cutter. They fight to the top and Andrade tries the double stomp in the corner, but Bandido dodges it and suplexes Andrade into the corner. They trade chops and slug it out, and Bandido pops up to the top with a corkscrew bodypress. German suplex and he boots Andrade to the floor and follows with a dive, which Don erroneously calls a SPACE FLYING TIGER DROP. What an amateur.

Back in, Bandido misses the frog splash and Andrade starts throwing his suplexes, but Bandido reverses to rolling germans and follows with a shooting star press for two. Andrade ducks the 21 Plex and SWEEPS THE LEG to put him on the floor before hitting a moonsault off the post and taking time for a selfie. Mid life crisis Andrade is pretty awesome. Back in for the double moonsault, which gets two. Double knees in the corner gets two. Bandido cradles for two and they head to the top, where Bandido brings him down with a fallaway slam off the top for two. Bandido with the X Knee to set up the 21 Plex, but Andrade catches him with a back elbow to counter, and that gets two. Bandido with a rolling kick and he hits an incredible 21 Plex to a prone Andrade, for two. Another X Knee sets up another try at the 21 Plex, but Andrade lands on his feet and hits the elbow, and then finishes with the DM at 20:52. As usual, the ROH World champion does a clean job and it means nothing towards the other guy getting a future title shot or anything. Super hot match. ****1/4

Gade Kidd, Clark Connors & Dave Finlay v. Orange Cassidy, Darby Allin & Roderick Strong

Big brawl on the floor to start and Orange cradles Connors for two in the ring. Roddy and Gabe trade chops and Gabe punches him to the floor off that, but Darby comes in with a Code Red for two. Finlay runs wild and hits Strong with a backbreaker, which gets two. Darby comes back, but he goes to the apron and Connors hits him with a spear out of nowhere and takes them both to the floor. Back in with a Doomsday Device on Darby, and that gets two. Poor Darby gets tied in the heel corner with the tag rope and they tee off on him. Orange tries to fight off the Dogs by himself but somehow the force of his chops aren’t enough to put them down. So Roddy storms in and takes care of it himself and then uses Orange as a weapon. Crowd: “Please help Darby!” So Orange finds a pair of scissors and cuts him loose as requested, allowing Darby to immediately dive onto the Dogs. Roddy with the Stronghold on Connors and Darby puts Gabe in the Scorpion, but Finlay manages to save both of them. Orange tries the Orange Punch on Connors, but Clark spears him, while Darby brawls with Kidd on the ramp and ollies onto Kidd’s head on the floor. Ouch. Connors spears Strong for two and Orange makes the save, so Finlay hits him with the Dominator, only for Darby to hit them with a coffin drop. Orange and Roddy double-team Connors and Roddy hits him with End of Heartache and Orange gets the pin at 12:25. I guess they can name their team Kristi Noem now. Fun TV match but man it’s time to wrap up this PPV. ***1/4

AEW World title, Texas Death: MJF v. Hangman Page

Max’s Terry Funk tights are some amazing trolling. They slug it out to start and Page stomps him down in the corner, so MJF bails to the floor and runs into the crowd to escape. Page beats on him out there and they head back to the ring, where MJF hits him with a trash can lid and hits the crotch blast. They head to the floor and do a comedy chase, with MJF accidentally running into the can lid because he’s not paying attention. Back in the ring, it’s time for the staple gun. Hangman is nice enough to staple a birthday card to MJF’s chest, his present to us all. Next up, Page finds a window at ringside, as you do, but Max smashes it because he “doesn’t do that indie bullshit”. And Page promptly slams him on the pile of broken glass anyway. Max tries to crawl away, so Page drags him through the glass for fun. Next up, barbed wire, and MJF is busted open off that. Page slugs him to the floor and sets up a table, but Max finds a shard of glass leftover and stabs Page in the face to take over. And then Page takes his slam on the glass, and MJF finally grabs a broom and cleans up the glass remnants for the safety of both competitors. Crowd: “Sweep forever!” You usually just hear that chant at curling matches.

Max uses a chair for some shots and then finds a syringe under the ring. Crazy that someone would find a syringe near a wrestling ring. And in the visual we didn’t need today, Max stabs the needle through Page’s cheek, complete with extreme closeup. That’s a bit much, even for the sickos. Page lays him out with a chairshot and finds a barbed wire chair under the ring, but that backfires and Max hits him with an Alabama Slam onto the chair to draw a count. MJF sets up another table on the floor, meanwhile, but he tries the Heatseeker and Page counters with a Deadeye onto the barbed wire chair. Hangman beats on him with the chair and tosses him into the chair with a fallaway slam. But then Max bails to the floor and Hangman tries to hit him with a chair-assisted moonsault, and that misses. So they head to the apron again, and Page puts him through the table with another Deadeye. They go to the other side and Page tries the same thing again, but MJF reverses out and hits a tombstone through the table instead. Back in the ring, they slug it out, and Page powerbombs him. They slug it out and take it to the floor for a light tube battle at the entrance. Page wins that one and busts MJF open…again…and MJF retreats to the ring again.

Next up, Page finds a pack of bamboo skewers and they fight over that, until Page spikes them into his head and follows with a buckshot lariat for a 9 count. So Hangman finds a double dog collar chain and hooks them together, as MJF has flashbacks to that other guy. Page sets up a table and can’t find a lighter, so he settles for a barbed wire board instead. They fight for a piledriver on the apron, and MJF sends Hangman through the table for a 9 count. Back up the ramp and MJF beats on him with the chain before they slug it out on the stage and go diving through the electrical gimmick for a double down and explosion. They both beat the count at 9, so Hangman drags him back to the ring by the chain. But then MJF counters the buckshot with the nutshot and grabs the belt, knocking Page out with that, but he pops up at 9. Page gets the belt and smashes MJF with that, then loads up another buckshot, but MJF knocks him out with the diamond ring and uses Page’s own chain choke gimmick on him to drop him to the floor and retain at 46:23. And so Hangman can never again challenge for the title. I thought that they went too long for that finish and some of the stuff was needlessly gross, but the drama was incredible. ****1/2. I have no idea where they go with Hangman from here, but at least it wasn’t the biggest bullshit finish to a major show tonight.

This show was a LOT of a LOT. Throwing multiple returns out there in the first couple of hours that were forgotten by the end of the show was certainly a choice. Bringing Ronda Rousey in is also certainly a choice, and not one I would have made. But with four ****+ matches on the same show, you can’t argue with the quality of the work, even if they could have shaved two hours off it.