The SmarK Rant for AEW Rampage – 12.27.24
By Scott Keith on 28 December 2024
The SmarK Rant for AEW Rampage – 12.27.24
“Turn out the lights, the party’s over” – Slick, 1987.
“New Year’s Smash”
Taped from the Hammerstein Ballroom in New York
Your hosts are Ian Riccaboni & Tony Schiavone & Daddy Magic
The KING OF NEW YORK v. Anthony Bowens
My god, Jericho is like watching the Statue of Liberty come to life. I feel like a real New Yorker now. Max Caster’s rap is a bit on the subdued side as he seems less than enthused about Bowens getting a singles match without him. Jericho offers a scissoring, but Bowens slugs away in the corner and then beats him down with elbows while Caster tries to take the heat for himself. This allows the KING OF NEW YORK to take over with some native New York offense, but Bowens puts him down with a knee strike for two. Draping DDT gets two. Jericho comes back with the Liontamer, or the 34th Street Stretch as I believe it’s called now, and Bowens fights for the ropes while Caster tries to help him make it but can’t. Bowens fights back with the fameasser and that gets two. I should note that Big Bill is wearing a “New York” shirt, so you know he’s a legit New Yorker. They fight for a superplex and Bowens sends Jericho to the floor to block it, and follows with a dive. Back in the ring, Caster comes in for a double-team with Scissor Me Timbers for two. Jericho with a codebreaker, which I believe is now called the Subway Smasher, for two. Caster and Bryan Keith fight over the ROH title, but Bowens gets hit by the belt by accident, and Jericho gets the pin at 9:42. Obviously the Nueve refers to the Nine Boroughs of New York judging by the enthusiastic reaction from the New York crowd here. I give this one my highest New York based wrestling match rating, six New York Jets out of ten. Also I don’t feel like this breakup angle is doing much for either Acclaimed guy at this point.
Meanwhile, Private Party walk the streets of New York, much like the KING OF NEW YORK did last week. I mean, it’s been done.
Private Party v. Leo Sparrow & Alec Price
Does “Shots, shots, shots” refer to what’s happening in the alley outside the building? Private Party quickly double-teams Sparrow with an enzuigiri into a cutter, and they send him to the floor for a dive and then finish the other geek with Gin & Juice at 1:00. This brings out Rush 2 Action in their giant spiky coats, and they brawl until Top Flight breaks it up. So is Top Flight part of the tag title match on the PPV or what? Neither team has any chance of winning anyway but it would be good to know. In fact, has the tag title match even been announced for the PPV yet? They’ve run down the card a couple of times on this episode already and there hasn’t been any mention of it.
Meanwhile, Powerhouse Hobbs is going to bust Takeshita’s head open at World’s End and then proceed through the rest of the Don Callis Family.
Thunder Rosa v. Leila Grey
They fight for a takedown and trade chinlocks, but Rosa takes her down for a clothesline that gets two. Leila reverses a slam into a rollup for two and comes back with a dropkick, but Rosa gets her own to take over and chops her on the ropes. Grey takes her down with an anklelock, however, and they roll to the floor and fight out there. Triller takes a break and we return with Grey hitting a snap suplex, but Roa makes a comeback with a mule kick in the corner and a shotgun dropkick on the ropes for two. Grey comes back with a Side Effect for two, but Rosa stomps on the back and finishes her with a cobra clutch on the mat at 7:55. Well that was an abrupt finish. Rosa continues yelling about how Mariah “crossed the line” by messing with her father, despite the fact that we’ve still never even met Daddy Rosa. This is such a weird build. Match was pretty decent, earning my second highest rating for New York based wrestling matches, 3 Famous Original Ray’s Pepperoni Pizzas out of 7, to be eaten with a fork and knife like real New Yorkers do.
Hook v. Nick Wayne
This is apparently the main event but we’re only 34 minutes into the show so I guess they’re going REALLY long? Nick attacks and goes after the arm cast to start, but Hook fights back and suplexes him. Wayne with his own snap suplex and they take it to the floor, where Christian goes after the cast and gets thrown out of the match, like Juan Soto throwing out a runner for the Yankees! Wayne continues working on the broken hand and they head back in the ring for some shots to the arm, which gets two. Wayne stomps the cast for two, but Hook fights back, so Wayne takes the arm out again and pulls the cast off this time. Nick continues working the arm, but Hook suplexes him to buy some time and follows with a knee in the corner, but Nick cuts him off again and continues stomping the arm in the corner. Wayne with SMALL JOINT MANIPULATION, but Hook gets a suplex for two. Wayne cuts him off and necks him on the top rope, and adds a frog splash for two. Another suplex, but Hook no-sells it and comes back with a clothesline while Shibata chases the Patriarchy around with a 2×4, and Hook tries the Redrum but Wayne reverses to a rollup for two. Wayne’s World, but Hook caches him in the Redrum and puts the lights out at 12:32. An OK match that was way too long for what it was, which regardless earns my fourth highest rating for New York based wrestling matches with 2 30 Rocks out of 9, for a total of 60 Rocks if my math is solid.
Meanwhile, the Death Riders toss Darby Allin down a flight of stairs, which is supposed to be horrific damage. Motherfucker I saw that guy land on his HEAD after throwing himself the entrance stage just a week ago, you’re telling me THAT weak beating is supposed to be anything more than super easy, barely an inconvenience for Darby overcome?
The Death Riders join us to wrap up the show, as Jon Moxley asks anyone who has a problem with him to come forward now. Yes, it’s time for THE AIRING OF THE GRIEVANCES! It’s a FESTIVUS MIRACLE! So Komander comes out and he quickly gets beaten down. And then Top Flight comes out as well and they’re equally useless, but finally Orange Cassidy and Willow head out and brawl. And then the entire locker room empties out and brawls with each other. But then Pac grabs a hammer and smashes up the lighting board, turning out the lights on Rampage both symbolically and literally as we wrap things up for good.
And then Moxley storms into the truck and promises to put an end to the chaos at the PPV and then pulls the plug on Rampage.
I found most of the show to be pretty dull going and I don’t believe for a second that the World title is in any kind of jeopardy at the PPV, but the ending was a fun way to execute a series finale at least. And that’s Rampage! It was a show that existed and that’s about all you can say about it most of the time.