The SmarK Rant for AEW Rampage – 04.27.24

The SmarK Rant for AEW Rampage – 04.27.24

Anyone in need of a quick binge would be well served to check out “Baby Reindeer” on Netflix. Started as the really funny story of a terrible comedian getting stalked and then it goes to some DARK places and it’s excellent. Great way to burn an afternoon.

Three hour shows on Saturday aren’t my jam but I’m intrigued by Rampage this week so let’s give it a look. Kudos and a special shoutout to Tony Khan for running the show remotely despite a cripping neck injury. Get well soon!

Live from Jacksonville, FL

Your hosts are Tony Schiavone, Daddy Magic & Nigel McGuinness

Parking Lot Fight: Chuck Taylor v. Trent Berreta

We are immediately joined with them fighting in the parking lot as advertised, and Trent drops him on the car with a suplex and then beats him down with a can lid. Nigel makes jokes about Eddie Gilbert, but Chuck comes back with a powerbomb onto a car hood. To the roof of a truck and Chuck takes a wacky bump into a drywall sheet while Nigel burns Tony for being married a long time. Trent slams him into the roof of a car and dives off another car with a running elbow for two. Trent finds a screwdriver and spikes Chuck with that. He finds a door under another car (WHAT KIND OF A PARKING LOT IS THIS?) and throws a TV at Chuck, but Chuck suplexes him through that door and then catapults him under the tailgate of the truck. It’s DRYWALL TO THE BACK as Nigel cracks dad jokes and Chuck finds a stash of light tubes, as you often find in a normal parking lot, but Trent slams Chuck onto those, drawing even more blood. Who as dumb enough to park a white car in a parking lot brawl? You’ll get blood all over it! Chuck powerbombs him through the windshield of the car, but that only gets two. They slug it out and share one last hug, before Trent goes low and hits a piledriver on the roof of the car before applying a triangle for the submission at 10:00. The ultimate breakup of the Best Friends probably deserved a bigger stage than this, but Orange Cassidy is the final destination anyway. This was wacky and violent, just as promised. ***1/2. And then Trent grabs a wrench and smashes Chuck’s ankle to presumably put him on the shelf for even longer and write him out.

Meanwhile, Kyle O’Reilly plugs the Vancouver Collision on May 11, the same arena where he saw his first match in 1999. Well that makes me feel old.

Thunder Rosa v. Deonna Purrazzo

They immediately start scrapping and Rosa slugs her down and beats on her. Deonna literally ties her up in the ropes and dropkicks her to the apron. Rosa comes in with a springboard kick attempt, but Deonna grabs the foot and takes her down before going for a crab. Rosa makes the ropes and Purrazzo bails, but Rosa hits her with a baseball slide, but then chops the post. Deonna kicks her down to take over, but makes the fatal heel error of pointing to her own head to indicate intelligence. Man, she hasn’t even officially turned and she’s already making rookie mistakes like that one. Back in the ring, Deonna gets two and goes to a chinlock. She chokes Rosa out in the corner and clotheslines her for two. Charge misses and Rosa comes back with a missile dropkick and a shotgun dropkick on the ropes for two. Deonna tries the armbar and gets a cradle instead for two. Rosa rolls her into a double stomp for two. Rosa goes up again and Deonna catches her in an armbar on the way down, but Rosa turns that into a choke and Deonna slams out of it. They trade cradles and Deonna goes for the armbar again, but Rosa rolls her over for the pin at 11:07. Another good one from Rosa as she seems to be getting over whatever was bothering her recently. ***1/4. And then Rosa talks too much shit while celebrating, so Purrazzo attacks her on the way out and they brawl onto the ledge until security breaks them up while Purrazzo flips Rosa off getting dragged away. Women, am I right? This should probably set up a gimmick rematch of some kind.

Meanwhile, the Kingdom wish the best in neck health to Tony Khan, because they’re still all about Neck Strong.

Big Bill v. Trevor Blackwell

Bill of course lays waste to this geek with a corner clothesline and the spinning slam, but he picks the guy up at one. Demanding knowledge from the Learning Tree, he follows with a short clothesline and picks him up again at one. And then a chokeslam finishes at 1:40. Jericho seems impressed backstage, so there’s that.

Katsuyori Shibata & Daniel Garcia v. Lee Moriarty & Shane Taylor Promotions

Everyone brawls on the floor and the babyfaces win that and have a little rest session in the ring to celebrate. Back in the ring, the heels double-team Shibata, but Garcia comes in and cleans house with neckbreakers on Moriarty NOT ONCE, NOT TWICE, BUT THRICE. Shane trips him up, however, and drags him to the floor with a draping DDT off the apron. Back in the ring, STP beats on Garcia with chops in the corner and Moriarty chokes him out on the ropes. German suplex gets two. Back to the floor for more beatings on Garcia. Back in the ring, Moriarty with a top wristlock on Garcia , and Taylor adds a Tugboat splash and then goes up for another one, which misses. More of a Shockmaster splash I guess. Moriarty cuts off the tag and snaps Daniel’s fingers, which are presumably his tagging hand, but Garcia fights back with the backdrop driver and it’s hot tag Shibata. Shibata beats Taylor down in the corner and we get stereo shotgun dropkicks in the corners. This gives us Shibata smashing Taylor with chops while Garcia dances to the beat, and they follow with a double suplex for two. So then Moriarty tries chopping on Shibata in the corner and Shibata just ignores it all and Shane Taylor has to step in with a double-team to help. The babyfaces get double sleepers, but Taylor fights out of his, so Garcia dumps him and Shibata finishes Moriarty with a PK at 15:00. Excellent main event with a hot crowd, as STP has a great spot as the midcard heels who look impressive but lose all the time. ****

Quite the show this week! I didn’t bother watching Collision but I’d say this was well worth checking out if you’ll looking for a great hour of wrestling this weekend.