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The SmarK Rant for AEW Rampage – 03.29.24

By Scott Keith on 30 March 2024

The SmarK Rant for AEW Rampage – 03.29.24

It’s another Canadian edition of Rampage, so TSN is once again airing it and thus I can review it without jumping through the hoops of watching on Fite.

Taped from Quebec City, QC

Your hosts are Excalibur & Tony Schiavone

Dustin Rhodes v. The Butcher

They trade takedowns to start and Dustin gets a backslide, but Butcher headfakes him on the sliding punch, so Dustin backdrops him to the floor. Dustin goes after the knee out there with a dragon screw, which of course hurts more on the floor, and back in Butcher works the arm before tackling him back to the floor again for more punishment out there. Back in for a backbreaker and Dustin bails to regroup as we take a break. Back with Dustin fighting back with a Code Red for two. Dustin with the sliding uppercut and he slugs away in the corner while the crowd of Quebecers counts bilingually. Butcher takes him down into a crossface and Dustin gets the ropes, so Butcher puts the boots to him. But then Dustin hits the Crossroads out of nowhere and finishes with the Final Reckoning at 10:41. A pleasant and inoffensive opener as Dustin continues to roll on at 55. **1/2

Meanwhile, the Bang Bang Gang breaks into Billy Gunn’s house, which is totally legal because the Gunns are related and everyone knows that. The Gunns are up to some high mischief, THROWING AWAY HIS PROTEIN POWDER like true heels. But then Billy gets home just as Jay is about to smash the TV, and the Gunns run away like cowards. I would not have bet on these guys winning me over as much as they have.

Meanwhile, on Dynamite, Best Friends and the Young Bucks both advance in the tag team title tournament.

Deonna Purrazzo v. Rose

Deonna takes her down with a headlock to start and then quickly snaps the arm and uses some SMALL JOINT MANIPULATION for two. Rose fights back, but Purrazzo takes her down for two and then beats on her in the corner. Rose fights back again with kicks and Deonna takes her head off with a pump kick and then takes her down and finishes with the armbar at 3:42. Rose definitely looked like she had some stage fright there.

Meanwhile, we get some words from Will Ospreay and Bryan Danielson building up to Dynasty.

Mariah May v. Nikita

What’s with the one named local enhancement talent tonight? Mariah hits Nikita with a shotgun dropkick after rocking out for a bit, and a spinning slam as we take a break. Back with Mariah continuing the squash, but Nikita fights back with chops and a bulldog for two. Mariah puts her down again with a headbutt for two while Toni Storm demands better from her protégé, so May uses a hip attack in the corner and finishes with May Day at 6:40. Basic stuff here.

Meanwhile, Zack Knight and Harley Cameron creep out Lexi, but Angelo Parker runs in for an attack with a lead pipe while Ruby disapproves. I don’t even watch this show anymore and it feels like this storyline has been going on forever.

Meanwhile, the Righteous are in the CRAZY desert being all CRAZY and stuff.

Eliminator match: Roderick Strong v. Daddy Magic

Man it’s kind of impressive how fast they’ve managed to kill off the International title with the Kingdom storyline. Menard insults Taven and Bennett EN FRANCAIS for a big babyface pop, mostly because Taven is a doofus in any language, and Matt controls with armdrags and chases Strong out of the ring. He beats on Strong, getting the best heat of the show thus far, and back in for a back elbow and diving shoulderblock as we take a break. Back with Strong in control again with a chinlock. But then Daddy Magic makes the Ultimate Warrior comeback and slugs away in the corner. EN FRANCAIS. That gets deux. Rollup gets two. But then Strong hits him with the gutbuster for two. So Menard gets a Boston Crab and Strong makes the ropes, but Menard hits him with a cutter for two. And then Strong finishes him with a high knee at 11:53. This was OK but Menard isn’t exactly a high level singles talent. **1/2. And then Best Friends save Matt from a beatdown, but the Bucks hit the ring and break up the hug with stereo nutshots and an EVP Trigger to end the show.

I was able to recap this show in only 750 words! That’s barely even enough to justify a page break at the beginning. This was all decidedly OK but man does this show not need to exist anymore.