The SmarK Rant for AEW Dynamite – 12.27.23

The SmarK Rant for AEW Dynamite – 12.27.23

“New Year’s Smash!”

Live from Orlando, FL

Your hosts are Excalibur, Tony Schiavone & Taz

Continental Classic Gold League Final: Jon Moxley v. Swerve Strickland v. Jay White

Swerve goes for a quick rollup on Moxley to start while White wisely steers clear of both guys. So they both team up and toss White into the crowd to get rid of him before continuing their slugfest. Jay gets dropped right on his kiwis and then Swerve puts Moxley onto a chair and hits him with the running knee and they all fight into the crowd again. Back to ringside and White suplexes Moxley onto an open chair to take him out. Back in the ring, Jay suplexes Swerve into the corner for two, but Swerve sends him to the floor and tries a dive, which misses. But Swerve suplexes him onto the apron and back in for another one of those cool elevated hard cam shots they were trying on Collision. That’s interesting, it’s like a video game camera. So then it gets nasty between Moxley and Swerve with some biting, and Swerve goes up with the diving dropkick and then he stomps on White’s hands for good measure. Swerve goes up with a frog splash onto the other two and we take a break. Back with Swerve sweeping White’s leg on the apron, but Moxley hits him with a tope suicida and slugs away back in the ring. Mox with the piledriver for two and he goes right to the elbows, but Swerve makes the ropes. They fight to the top, but Mox dodges a Swerve dive and hits him with the DDT for two. Back to the floor and Mox preps a table, but Jay destroys both guys with a chair and then stops to admire his own handiwork. But back in, Swerve rolls Jay up and grabs the tights for two. They trade chops and Swerve head-fakes him with a kick and then hits the head kick for real. To the top with a 450 that gets two. And we take another break. Back with everyone slugging it out, but White hits Swerve with a sleeper suplex and Mox puts White in the choke. Swerve breaks that up with the House Call kick and counters the Blade Runner, but White hits Mox with the Blade Runner for two before Swerve makes the save. White grabs another chair and does some damage to Moxley with that one and then preps the chair in the corner, but of course Swerve hoists him by his own petard and sends him to the floor. Swerve rolls up Moxley for two and they slug it out, but Swerve runs him into the corner and goes up, only to get sent to the floor by White. Mox escapes the Blade Runner and hits the lariat to set up the Death Rider for the pin at 23:32 to win the Gold League in an incredible match. ****1/2. I knew they weren’t going with Swerve here because he’s going to be busy with Keith Lee, but man did the crowd want to see it.

Meanwhile, Swerve is understandably pissed about the loss and he’s ready to take it out on Keith Lee.

Mariah May joins Renee for an interview, and she announces that she’s making her debut on the first Dynamite of 2024, next week. But then Riho attacks and Toni Storm tries to do her own sneak attack, but Riho chases them both off. This didn’t really need any kind of angle, we all know how it’s going to go.

Meanwhile, Top Flight and Action Andretti want another trios match, which Orange Cassidy interprets as a challenge for Rampage because that’s what he does.

Meanwhile, the Redeemer is getting ready to redeem Andrade. Man I wish I had Miro’s work schedule.

Tony Schiavone brings out the Don Callis Family for a Boxing Day celebration, which Excalibur has to explain. What, you don’t have Boxing Day in the US? Anyway Don has a series of paintings for his family, including Don and Kyle Fletcher just hanging out in Australia and beating up kangaroos, as they do. This brings out Sammy Guevara, who apparently hasn’t heard from Don in a while (“Didn’t you get the gift I sent for the kid? Darn Canadian postal service…”) but luckily Don has a painting for him as well on the off chance he decided to show up for work at some point over the past two months. So Don gives him a choice of families: His own, or the Don Callis one. But then Don chooses for him and the beatdown is on, until Chris Jericho makes the save to reunite Le Sex Gods and they hug it out. And then this brings out Big Bill and Ricky Starks for another beatdown, but then the lights go out and Sting makes the save, which seems to set up four-way tag title match at the PPV. Well this segment certainly put in the work.

Meanwhile, Roderick and the Kingdom have indisputable proof that MJF is the Devil. Charts and everything.

Continental Classic Blue League Final: Bryan Danielson v. Eddie Kingston

Hey, finally a second match tonight! They fight for a lockup to start and Bryan plays some mindgames, so Kingston hits him with a Saito suplex and puts him on the floor for a tope. They fight on the floor and back in for a chop battle that Eddie manages to win by force of will. To the apron and Bryan DDTs him on the apron, THE HARDEST PART OF THE RING, and follows with a flying knee as we take a break. Back with Bryan trying for the Lebell lock, but Eddie escapes that and then dodges the knee. Eddie with a DDT and he beats on Danielson with chops in the corner and then stands on his head for good measure. Bryan reverses an exploder into the Lebell Lock and Eddie makes the ropes, so Bryan just puts the boots to him in disgust. Bryan suplexes him and goes to the top while they have weird lighting issues in the ring, and Bryan hangs in the Tree of Woe and gives him more kicks. Back to the top and Eddie fights off a superplex and it’s a double down as we take another break. Back with Bryan throwing more strikes and he absorbs some chops and delivers a capture suplex for two. Bryan with the Yes Kicks, although the crowd doesn’t like that, and Eddie rebounds with the Northern Lights bomb for two. They trade cradles and Bryan hits the Bu Saiku knee out of nowhere for two. Bryan with the hammer elbows. So that doesn’t put Eddie out, and it’s time to kick his head in, but Eddie continues flipping him off and won’t take the hint. Bryan happily loads up another knee, but he walks into the backfist, and Eddie makes a comeback and hits another backfist to set up the powerbomb to finish and win the League at 23:20. They took a while to really get into gear but by the time we got to them beating each other into hamburger and Danielson cackling like a supervillain, it was awesome. ****1/2. And then Jon Moxley comes out and does the money promo, telling Eddie that he can’t make excuses this time and if he wants to win the title like his heroes, he’s going to have to earn it. And Eddie is gonna bust up Moxley and enjoy it, and THAT’S HIS OUT LINE. Yeah, PPV bought.

Meanwhie, Lexi Nair sits down with Christian Cage and Adam Copeland, but it immediately turns into a pullapart brawl.

Kris Statlander v. Skye Blue

Statlander overpowers her to start and gets some slams, then counters out of a spinning headscissors and dropkicks Skye for two. Delayed suplex follows, but Skye hits her with knees on the ropes and takes her to the floor as we take a break. Back with Stat hitting a Chaos Theory suplex for two. Skye with a Code Blue for two. Skye tries a rana and Kris counters with a powerbomb for two. They fight to the top and Skye claims an eye injury to distract the ref, allowing Julia Hart to hit Statlander with the TBS title and allows Skye to finish with a Code Blue at 9:21. And Willow quickly saves Statlander from the heel beatdown, but then Abadon comes out and acts all scary to remind us that the match is still a thing that’s happening. Match was fine but the focus was all over the place here. ***

Meanwhile, Saraya introduces us to her new prodigy, Harley Cameron, who is now a crazy murderer I guess?

ROH World tag team title: MJF & Samoa Joe v. The Devil’s Men

We’re already at the top of the hour so this is gonna have to be short. And of course we cut to the back, where Joe has apparently been attacked by the Devil, so Max goes it alone. Max fights off the Conquistadors without much problem and tries to unmask them, but a third one hits him with a pipe and the masked goons win the titles at 1:49. And then they go for another beatdown, but Joe hobbles out and saves, only for the Devil to interrupt and reveal that Joe was faking the knee injury and was doing business with the DEVIL HIMSELF. What a bunch of horseshit. It’s the ROH tag team champs, these two guys we don’t know! I’m assuming they will finally put a bullet in this storyline at the PPV and move onto something else for MJF because this has completely torpedoed my interest in his reign in the past few months. Time to switch the title and let Max go home and get off TV for a couple of months and heal up. ENOUGH WITH THE FUCKING DEVIL ALREADY. I DON’T FUCKING CARE ABOUT IT. FUCK!

Anyway, the Continental Classic delivered everything promised and then some, but then we got the bipolar switch to a late 90s Attitude Era SPORTZ ENTERTAINMENT angle to end the show and this shit is giving me whiplash. You win some you lose some I guess.