The SmarK Rant for AEW Dynamite – 12.20.23

The SmarK Rant for AEW Dynamite – 12.20.23

If WBD does merge with Paramount, we should let Taylor Sheridan book the show. Just saying.

Live from Oklahoma City, OK

Your hosts are Excalibur, Tony Schiavone & Taz

Continental Classic: Swerve Strickland v. Rush

Well this should be interesting. Swerve is the clear fan favorite here though. Also with my wife, who would like it known that he is “fine”. By which I assume she means an acceptable wrestler. He’s fine. They trade takedowns to start and Swerve misses a charge and lands on the floor, where Rush hits him with a tope con hilo but hurts his leg on the landing. Back in the ring, Rush beats on him with chops and stops to pose, but Swerve dives in with an armbar. Rush gives him some head kicks, so Swerve goes after the taped up thigh and Rush has to retreat to the floor. Swerve chases and Rush SWEEPS THE LEG on the apron, which I remind you is THE HARDEST PART OF THE RING, and they brawl on the floor. Swerve with a german suplex on the floor, but Rush pops up and sends him into the railing as we take a break. Back with a slugfest into a double down and they trade more chops, but Rush suplexes him into the corner, and then his leg gives way while trying the cannonball. Swerve takes him down with a stretch muffler, but Rush cradles for two to counter. Rush with a straitjacket piledriver for two. Back to the apron and Rush suplexes him off the apron, which gets two back in the ring. Rush goes to the top and misses a senton, and Swerve hits him with a 450, but Rush POPS UP and he’s pissed. So Swerve hits a flatliner and brainbuster for two. To the top for the Swerve Stomp, and that finishes at 15:00 to give Swerve 12 points and ties him with Moxley. This was just tremendous and they meshed perfectly. ****

Meanwhile, on Collision, we get a recap of the Blue league.

Meanwhile, Chris Jericho announces that Kenny Omega is in the hospital indefinitely, and now they have to figure out what to do with the tag title match.

Continental Classic: Mark Briscoe v. Jay Lethal

It’s the battle of the losers, but hopefully Mark at least gets on the board here. They fight for the lockup and Mark takes him down with a headlock, so Jay takes a step back and slaps him in the face. That seems like a bad idea. So Mark fires back with chops and they lay into each other good before Lethal hits him with a seated dropkick. Mark uses some REDNECK KUNG FU and a missile dropkick for two, but Lethal sends him to the floor for a tope and stops to strut. So Mark suplexes him on the floor and drops a Cactus elbow on him and we take a break. Back with another slugfest, but Lethal hits the Lethal Combination to take over again. Lethal goes up for the elbow, but Briscoe cuts him off. So Jay goes up again, and Mark brings him down to the floor with KUNG FU and then brings a chair in for Air Sabu to the floor. Back in, Lethal ducks a lariat and drops him with a suplex, but Mark fires up again and Lethal puts him down again for the flying elbow, which gets two. Lethal Injection is countered and Mark drops him with an exploder and a fisherman’s buster for two. Death valley driver and Mark goes up for his own flying elbow, and he lands on Jay’s knees. Lethal Injection misses again, but Jay recovers with his own Jay Driller for two. Another one is blocked and Briscoe hits him with a Burning Hammer and his own Jay Driller, and that finishes at 13:53 to give Mark his first 3 points to finish the tournament. Goddamn what a show this has been so far. ****

Meanwhile, MJF is inducted into the Jewish Sports Hall of Fame.

Meanwhile, Wardlow is just about ready to get his revenge on MJF.

Joe the Samoan joins us and he’s still asking questions about this Devil fella and why MJF was conveniently laid out with no footage of the beating. So Max comes out and wants to know what happened to Joe protecting him. So MJF wants a fight TONIGHT IN THIS VERY RING, but the masked men hit the ring and Joe & MJF have to hold them off. And then the Devil interrupts with another challenge for a tag team match next week for the ROH tag team titles, and this time Joe is into it. For the love of JEHOVAH just get to the payoff next week already.

Meanwhile, Rocky Romero is looking for new championship opportunities, so Orange casually gives him a title match on Rampage.

Saraya v. Riho

Toni Storm joins us on commentary, quipping that Taz is her favorite former landlord, whom she calls “The Human Duplex Machine”. Saraya beats Riho down to start for two, but Riho bridges out and chases her to the floor. Saraya hides behind a security guard to prevent any further escalation, but then catches Riho with a swinging powerbomb into the railing. We take a break, expertly thrown to commercial by Toni Storm, and return with Riho making a comeback with a flying bodypress that falls a little short. Riho goes up and Saraya boots her on the way down for two. Storm: “Speaking of tits out, here we have Saraya”. Riho with a northern lights suplex for two and she goes up with a double stomp and the running knee to finish at 7:42 and get the title shot at World’s End. Saraya did not look good here. ** And I’m sure Riho will have a fine match and do the job and then disappear back to Japan for another 8 months again. So this brings Toni to the ring to gaze at her challenger, but Riho attacks her, so Mariah May saves her mentor and lays out Riho with the belt.

Meanwhile, Tony Schiavone reads a prepared statement from Christian Cage, who tells the crowd to shut up via paper and promises to return on Collision. Tony’s disgusted facial expressions are amazing here.

Meanwhile, Joe and MJF wander the halls backstage, and Max finds a hood outside of Swerve’s dressing room and jumps to conclusions. So they get into a discussion about who should be respecting whom, and reminisce about working the indies in Jersey. So things get heated until Joe steps in and pulls Max away, which I guess gives MJF yet another new challenger.

Roderick Strong v. Komander

Strong takes him down and works the arm, but Komander flips out of it into a superhero landing…and Strong kicks him in the face. Ha! Komander takes him down with a headscissors. So Roddy boots him in the gut to cut him off and begins throwing backbreakers while Taz puts over his moustache game. Komander manages to take Roddy to the floor and we take a break. Back with Komander countering a backbreaker into a headscissors, and a crossbody gets two. Roddy goes up and Komander tries to take him down with a powerbomb, but Roddy holds the ropes to block that. So Komander sweeps his legs and goes up with a Phoenix splash instead, which gets two. The Kingdom pulls Strong out to save him, so Komander hits them with a springboard moonsault on the floor. Back in, he tries another springboard and Strong counters with a high knee and then finishes with a vicious End of Heartache at 10:30, with Komander doing a dramatic over-rotation and landing in a lungblower instead of a backbreaker. Hey, Komander loses again, film at 11. ***. Afterwards, Renee interviews Roderick while the Kingdom puts up “MJF is the Devil” signs at ringside, and he declares that Samoa Joe is his best friend by proxy. That’s the best kind of best friend!

Continental Classic: Jay White v. Jon Moxley

Jay talks some New Zealand trash, but Moxley grabs him and chokes him right away to shut him up. White escapes that, but Moxley piledrives him for two and then goes to a bulldog choke, forcing Jay to make the ropes and bail to the floor. White manages to send him into the stairs and beats on him with chops in the corner. Moxley sends him to the floor again and they fight up the ramp. Back in the ring, Moxley slugs away in the corner, but misses a running boot and White takes out his leg. So Moxley bails to the apron and White sends him to the floor as we take a break. Back with White working the knee with a Muta-Lock and chopping the back, which Mox does not care for. So Moxley takes him to the top and rakes the back to get some revenge before bringing him down with a superplex. White bails and Moxley hits him with a tope, but White suplexes him onto the stairs. Next up, White grabs some chairs and then tricks the ref into looking away before getting a chairshot on Mox’s knee. Referees are so dumb. Mox beats the count at 9 and hits a Paradigm Shift to counter the Blade Runner, and that gets two. White takes out the knee again, but Moxley cradles for two. Mox with a nasty knee strike for two. They trade bombs and White gets a uranage for two. Kiwi Krusher gets two. Mox fights out of the Blade Runner and White gets the sleeper suplex instead, but Mox pops up with a lariat. So White tries it again and Moxley hits the lariat again, and then follows with a curb stomp. But White escapes the Death Rider and hits the Blade Runner for the upset win at 15:48, which means that league final is a three-way match next week. So what was the point of all the tiebreaker scenarios? Anyway another great match to end a great show, especially the sequence of huge moves at the end where you knew one of them was going to drop eventually. ****1/4

Well I guess I gotta watch Collision on Saturday night to see how this thing resolves!

Man do I offically like Jay White now? That’s depressing.