The SmarK Rant for AEW Dynamite – 11.06.24

The SmarK Rant for AEW Dynamite – 11.06.24

Guys, I’m starting to think that democracy might not be all it’s cracked up to be. Thankfully I can pay attention to something tonight without doomscrolling on Twitter until 1AM because I literally can’t sleep. I’ve been trying to doomscroll on BlueSky (rspwfaq.bksy.social of course) instead lately in an attempt to wean myself off Twitter like methadone and this will probably be the thing that moves me over for good because I can’t even laugh at the right wing grifters anymore without getting incredibly depressed because Laura Loomer will probably end up Secretary of State or something now. Also because I can’t post these automatically to Elon’s hellsite anymore so why bother?

Anyway, I spent all day in a very bad headspace and I’m hoping this cheers me up at least.

Live from Manchester, NH and boy that arena sounds empty and cavernous tonight. Could also be the TV feed, which seems really muted for some reason this week.

Your hosts are Excalibur, Tony Schiavone & Nigel McGuinness

The Hurt Syndicate joins us to start and MVP gets a gigantic babyface reaction for some reason. Apparently the MVP’s business cards are like a golden ticket to success, so I guess he hides them in random chocolate bars. This brings out Swerve, who immediately challenges Bobby Lashley for Full Gear and that’s set.

Claudio Castagnoli & Pac v. Orange Cassidy & Darby Allin

Orange manages to goad the DeathRiders into coming after him at the entrance, where Darby dives off the tunnel to attack. Everyone brawls and I’m kind of sad that they ditched the DC Comics barricades because it was a good match with AEW. Plus I picked up Absolute Power and I’ve been digging it. Pac beats on Orange with kicks in the ring, but OC fights back before getting by Wheeler Yuta and taken out. Pac takes him to the top and Cassidy puts him down for the diving DDT, which gets two. Claudio just wrecks Orange with backbreakers and we take a break. Back with Claudio hitting another backbreaker for two. Claudio twists him up with a hammerlock, but Orange sends him into the post and it’s hot tag Darby. Pac bails and Darby hits him with a coffin drop on the floor, but Claudio cuts him off with a backdrop in the ring for two. Claudio with a monster backbreaker for two, and Pac adds a german suplex for two. They double-team Darby with running elbows in the corner, and a brainbuster gets two. Brainbuster off the top gets two while Claudio can’t quite stop Orange from making the save, and Darby makes another hot tag to Orange. Orange with the dives and the diving DDT on Pac, but Yuta tries to save and gets taken out. And then this brings in Marina to take out the ref, and Jon Moxley comes in for the DQ and yet another heel beatdown at 13:34. Good match but yet another downer ending. **3/4. Guess it’s easy for Moxley to book his own program when the storyline is “Jon Moxley beats the asses of all the babyfaces and is the toughest guy every week.”

Meanwhile, Ricochet has a MYSTERY PARTNER but just can’t reveal it until later. But the Hurt Syndicate is interested in watching him.

Fight Without Honor: Mark Briscoe, Kyle O’Reilly & Tomohiro Ishii v. Chris Jericho, Big Bill & Bryan Keith

We get the big brawl to start and Mark immediately tries the Jay Driller off the apron on Jericho, but can’t pull it off. So Ishii puts Jericho mostly through a table out there. Kyle and Keith put themselves through another table and we take a break. Back with Jericho and Briscoe swinging chairs at each other, but Bill hits Kyle with a Bossman slam before the faces double-team him with a high low to put him on the floor. Ishii beats on Jericho with chops but Bryan Keith saves with the kendo stick and everyone piles up on the top for a very awkward Tower of Doom spot that looks stupid because they took forever setting it up. Meanwhile, Bill and Kyle brawl into the backstage area, where Bill sets up two tables, but then O’Reilly guillotines him and they both fall through those. That was another one that took forever to set up and didn’t have much of a payoff. Back in the ring, Mark hits Jericho with the Jay Driller, but instead of pinning him he sets up a ladder and a table and then drops the Froggy Bow on Jericho for two. Keith makes the save and Ishii gets rid of him and drops Jericho with the brainbuster for the pin at 13:13. That looked like it was messed up too, with Jericho seeming to kick out but too late to end the count. This was way too much of a mess. **

Meanwhile, Jon Moxley clarifies that Wheeler Yuta belongs to no one. Except for him.

Adam Cole v. Malakai Black

After finishing a binge of Schitt’s Creek, I now always hear Moira in my head when he says “Adam Cole Bay-Bay”. They trade wristlock takedowns to start and Black chases him to the floor with a leg kick. They brawl out there as the crowd is split somewhat but mostly cheers for Black while remaining silent for Cole. God this babyface run is such a disaster. Cole tries a Heatseeker and Black backdrops him to the floor, but Cole superkicks him out there and we take a break. Back with Cole hitting the Panama Sunrise, but Black pops up with a knee strike and falls on top for two. They fight to the top and Black tries the sunset flip powerbomb, but then hits Cole with a knee strike instead and Cole fires back with the neckbreaker, only for Black to pop up with The End for two. Cole with another Sunrise and superkick, and they’re both down off that. Malakai offers himself up for a free shot, so Cole hits the Boom and pins him at 12:22. *** And they exchange the handshake of respect afterwards while Kyle O’Reilly watches backstage in a storyline that never seems to go anywhere. So Adam announces that if both he and Roderick Strong win three matches, it’s a three-way match at Full Gear. Not sure how that’s a more appealing match to be honest.

Meanwhile, Jay White is about to talk shit about Hangman Page, so Page storms in and pre-emptively kicks his ass, hauling him down to ringside and trying to break his ankle before Juice Robinson makes the save and sends Hangman running. But first, he finishes the promo and promises to beat and humiliate Hangman. This is a nice little midcard program but it still feels like Hangman should be doing bigger and better things.

Meanwhile, Kamille accidentally runs Kris Statlander over, which apparently wasn’t Mercedes’ plan, but Kris slams Kamille’s arm in the door anyway.

Christian Cage joins us, formally welcoming Kip Sabian to the Patriarchy. So Hook interrupts, and Christian clarifies that he took out Taz out of love, because he wants Hook to be his newest son and Taz was in his way. Also he knows that no one in the arena cares about Taz, and he personally wishes that Taz was dead. OK the deadpan delivery from Christian there made me laugh, I’ll give him that one. So Hook beats up the security geeks instead.

Meanwhile, someone delivers an envelope of cash and MJF’s diamond ring to Don Callis, in exchange for him taking out Adam Cole. I know Maxwell is off doing a movie but

Penelope Ford v. Jamie Hayter

Penelope attacks during the entrance and slugs away on the mat. She beats on Hayter but misses a moonsault, and Hayter tries a lariat and Ford bridges away from it and suplexes Hayter for two. But Hayter hits the Hayterade for the pin at 4:44. Just a short fun match. *1/2

Meanwhile, we get a video package about Okada, who is shooting for a Continental Classic win, which would apparently eclipse Masa Chono’s four G1 wins. Not sure I agree with the math there.

Kyle Fletcher & Konosuke Takeshita v. Ricochet & Powerhouse Hobbs

Apparently Hobbs’ contract with the Callis Family expired and no one called him about it, so he’s PISSED. Glad to see him back from injury. They all brawl on the floor and Ricochet dives off Hobb’s shoulders,and back I for some double-teaming on Fletcher for two. Kyle catches Ric with the draping DDT, which has to be a rib on the Randy Orton comparisons, and he even does Orton’s poses as we take a break. Back with Ricochet fighting back with a handspring elbow, and Hobbs comes in and runs wild with powerslams, hitting one on Takeshita for two. Fletcher saves, but he gets tossed out. Takeshita gets into a slugfest with Hobbs and they battle to a double down, but it’s back to Ricochet and Fletcher, and Kyle hits him with a Last Ride for two. Ricochet takes advantage of heel miscommunication and puts Takeshita down for a 450, but that misses and Takeshita hits him with the knee strike. They trade headscissor rollups and Ricochet tries a poison rana, but the heels block him with a Doomsday Device that gets two. Takeshita goes to finish Ricochet, but Hobbs saves him, and Ricochet hits Takeshita with a rana for two. To the top and he hits a shooting star press on Takeshita for two. And the Spirit Gun elbow finishes at 14:11. Shocked that Fletcher wasn’t in there to job for once. ***1/2. Afterwards Fletcher goes to finish the job on Ricochet, but Mark Davis saves, dressed like a homeless guy, and the Murder Machines double-team him. Adam Cole tries to save and Takeshita cuts him off and brawls with him, so finally Will Ospreay has to save Davis and attack Ospreay. Spoiler: NO ONE CARES ABOUT MARK DAVIS. I definitely do care about Kyle Fletcher, who is becoming quite awesome.

This was a very pleasant and watchable episode of Dynamite that helped my mood a lot. Can’t ask for much more than that this week.