The SmarK Rant for AEW Dynamite – 10.16.24

The SmarK Rant for AEW Dynamite – 10.16.24

Live from San Jose, CA, apparently sponsored by DC Comics, which has barfed up Absolute Universe branding all over the arena. Not gonna lie, I’m pretty tempted to pick up those Absolute Batman and Superman comics and give them a try anyway.

Your hosts are Tony Schiavone, Excalibur & Nigel McGuinness

Meanwhile, the BCC rides around in a truck and Jon Moxley rants about the kids and their DANCING and PARTYING and it’s time to burn down the forest and start fresh.

Adam Cole joins us to start, thankfully done with the lame heel period and back to doing the singalong entrance again. So the story is now MJF is a lying scumbag and Adam turned on him because he knew Max was laying about being a babyface the whole time. So he goes into another “rah rah AEW” speech, which always comes off as so second rate, and invites MJF to come out and fight TONIGHT IN THIS VERY RING. So instead, MJF answers from what appears to be a supervillain lair, and he blames Adam for breaking his trust, and so he’ll never give him the match he wants. The motivations are all messed up here and Cole needs some kind of inciting incident to make him into a babyface again, like his Kingdom turning on him. Just throwing him out there as a babyface again after he was LITERALLY THE DEVIL is completely ridiculous and frankly kind of insulting.

Meanwhile, Chris Jericho wants a rematch with Mark Briscoe, and drops Jay Briscoe’s name again, and this prompts Mark to challenge him to a ladder match next week to settle things.

FTR v. Big Bill & Bryan Keith

Dax trades chops with Bryan and hits a snap suplex for two. Cash comes in and Bill beats on him in the corner, but FTR double-teams Bill until Bill comes back with a Bossman slam on Cash to take over. We take a break and return with Cash making the hot tag to Dax and he puts Keith down with a short arm clothesline, but the same trick doesn’t work on Bill. They get rid of Keith, but can’t get Bill up for the Shatter Machine, and Bill powerbombs Dax and sends him into a Diamond Dust from Keith. Big boot from Bill gets two, but Cash dives onto them to save. Cash gets Bill to the floor for a DDT out there, however, and they do a slick double-team of Keith and a double drop-down to set up the Shatter Machine to finish at 8:45. Fun match. ***. This brings out the OUTRUNNERS afterwards for another union of the FTR-RUNNERS. MY GOD THAT’S TOO MUCH VASCULARITY FOR ONE TV SHOW. SAVE SOME TESTOSTERONE FOR THE REST OF US!

Meanwhile, Billy Gunn leaves the Acclaimed to go park the car, and MVP stops by to recruit them.

TBS title: Mercedes Mone v. Queen Aminata

They trade cradles off a suplex attempt to start and Aminata hits her with a fallaway slam to send her to the apron. Kamille adds some distraction, however, and Mone sends the Queen into the stairs to take over. We take a break and return with Aminata reversing a headscissors into an Air Raid Crash for two. Sunset flip gets two. Backslide gets two. Neckbreaker gets two. Aminata with a rolling cradle and that gets two. Snap suplex, but Mone comes back with the meteora and backstabber before finishing with the Bank Statement at 8:18. Mone gave her a whole bunch of offense but the crowd wasn’t really buying into it. **

Meanwhile, Private Party invites the Young Bucks over and ask for another title shot, but that doesn’t work for them, brothers. So Stokely stops by (“You’re been here since the Obama administration and what do you have to show for it?”) and suggests that they put their career as Private Party on the line to get another title shot. And they think that one over.

Meanwhile, the Elite celebrate Kenny Omega’s birthday with a nice cake, and then dump cow intestines on it to symbolize Kenny’s diverticulitis. Well that’s rude.

Orange Cassidy, Kyle O’Reilly & Rocky Romero v. The Young Bucks & Kazuchika Okada

Kyle exchanges shots with Okada to start and walks into a big boot, but the Conglomeration regroups and chases the heels to the floor as we take a break. Back with the Elite in control of Orange, but O’Reilly gets a hot tag and lays out the Bucks with kicks before putting Okada into a guillotine. Matt breaks that up with an elbow and Okada gets two. So Rocky comes in and hits the Bucks with the corner clotheslines, only to run into a tombstone from Okada. The Bucks pump up the shoes but take forever, so Orange gets a hot tag and everyone trades big moves. But then Wheeler Yuta runs in and lays out Orange for the DQ at 8:34. Man they’ve been doing a lot of DQs lately. Match was OK. **1/2. So the Elite bail as the BCC lays waste to Orange Cassidy. Top Flight tries to save and they get destroyed. So then the Dark Order tries and they all get wiped out like geeks, as Marina hangs Alex Reynolds with his own belt. And then Moxley declares that AEW is under attack, and they walk away and leave everyone for dead.

Meanwhile, the Elite attempt to walk away because it’s all none of their business, but Daniel Garcia points out that it is their business because they’re supposed to be the EVPs.

Lio Rush v. Shelton Benjamin

Lio tries to use speed but gets run over and dominated. The announcers do a great job of making Shelton sound like a major star, by the way. Lio manages to get Shelton to the floor, but he hits Rush with a knee strike from the floor as we take a break. Back with Rush trying to fight back but he gets nowhere with that. Finally he gets Benjamin to the floor again and hits him with a pair of dives, and back in with a cutter. Frog splash misses and Shelton kicks him down, but Rush comes back again with a swinging DDT for two. Rush goes up and Shelton pops up there with a throw to bring him down, and MVP has had enough and wants Shelton to finish it. So he hits Rush with a release german, and then superkicks him for a big bump and finishes with a powerslam at 10:39. This was…fine? Felt like this needed Marko Stunt out there getting destroyed rather than Lio Rush trying to get all his shit in, but Shelton looked great regardless. **1/2. Afterwards, Shelton issues the challenge to Swerve, which should be a more compatible matchup.

Don Callis joins us for a special press conference about new International champion Takeshita, with Brian Cage and Lance Archer now joining the Callis family as backup. And Kyle Fletcher is out to explain his actions, but say it with me, YOU PEOPLE DON’T DESERVE AN EXPLANATION. And that’s about all there is to that.

Meanwhile, Mariah May is desperately looking for a new challenger, so Anna Jay attacks her and they get into a pullapart. What the hell ever happened to Mina Shirakawa and that storyline? Also, here’s a suggestion for someone to challenge for the title: ATHENA.

Meanwhile, Ricochet points out that Takeshita pinned Ospreay to win the title, not him, so he wants a shot and throws out an open challenge for Collision.

Meanwhile, the BCC continues beats up the Dark Order and then leaves. Dark Order and Top Flight do promos about how they’re coming for BCC. Yeah I’m sure Moxley is really panicking about that threat. Like what, the nWo is supposed to be running away from the American Males and Villano IV?

Jay White v. Christian Cage

White takes Christian down and ties him up in a submission as Cage makes the ropes, but the Bang Bang Gang and Patriarchy get tossed and we take a break. Back with them fighting on the floor. Back in the ring, White pulls the sweater up and slugs away in the corner and adds a DDT for two. They head to the apron and Christian gets a DDT out there as I don’t really understand why this needs an overrun because there’s no stakes to it. Back in the ring, Christian gets a neckbreaker for two, but Kip Sabian tries a run-in and gets chased off. And then Hangman tries to run in and gets caught, so he hides under the apron looking guilty and White gets a cradle for two. Uranage gets two. Christian rakes the eyes to block the Blade Runner and hits the Killswitch for two. White with a suplex out of the corner and they fight to the top, but Cage sends him down for a diving headbutt that gets two. And then Sabian runs in AGAIN and gets caught, but Hangman comes in with the buckshot on White and Cage gets the pin at 15:44. Another OK match that was way too long in this main event spot and kind of a drag. The last shot of Hangman tripping out after costing White the match was pretty funny, though. **3/4.

Kind of a bad show this week with a lot of stuff that didn’t make much sense.