The SmarK Rant for AEW Dynamite – 10.08.24

The SmarK Rant for AEW Dynamite – 10.08.24

It’s TUESDAY! You know what that means!

Um, it’s a special “Title Tuesday” episode of Dynamite because they got pre-empted this week. That’s what it means. Also I’m in a hotel room in Vancouver for a work conference so it’s the Triller version tonight.

Jon Moxley does his spooky music promo to start and he has reluctantly decided that he’s going to have to be the one to take care of the Danielson problem once and for all. Because he doesn’t have a choice.

Bryan Danielson responds to Claudio’s assertion that tonight will be the last match for him on Dynamite. Wait, I thought it was that Bryan was just going to be ending his full-time career, not that he was retiring after he lost the title?

Live from Spokane, WA

Your hosts are Excalibur, Tony Schiavone & JEFF JARRETT

Darby Allin joins us to start and calls out Brody King so they can talk about old times. Man that stupid pink coat is just killing Darby’s aura as a top guy for me. Darby claims to have called Tony Khan personally to get Brody a job. Brody wants to put Darby out of his misery and take his spot, so Darby tells him to proceed with the barking and do his cannonball thing. So Brody slugs Darby down and does the sleeper, but Darby pulls out a rock and busts him open to escape. WHAT IS THE ROCK DOING ON AEW DYNAMITE?! There’s your clickbait headline for tomorrow on Twitter. This was a shitty opening segment.

Meanwhile, Don Callis interrupts a Lance Archer promo, and announces that he has finalized a talent transfer with Jake Roberts and added Lance to the Don Callis Family. And Jake’s new talent will be a surprise later, apparently.

Meanwhile, Daniel Garcia arrives at the arena.

Hologram v. Komander

This is my first exposure to Hologram because I don’t watch Collision anymore. They trade armdrags to start and battle to a stalemate. Hologram takes him down with a spinning armdrag and sends him to the floor, and then follows with a tope suicida into the railing, nearly spiking his own head into the railing in the process. Back in the ring, Hologram with a bridging deathlock, but Komander counters him into his own submission, so Hologram gets a snap suplex for two. Komander comes back with chops in the corner, but Hologram kicks him down and adds a standing moonsault for two. Jarrett claims, meanwhile, that in 37 years he’s never seen a match where all four guys are champions like in the main event tonight. He’s from MEMPHIS. You got awarded a title just for showing up to the building back then! They trade vertebreaker attempts and Hologram turns it into a Gory Special. But then Komander bounces out of the corner with a rana to put Hologram on the floor and he follows with a dive. Back in, Hologram takes him off the top with a reverse Spanish fly for a double down. Hologram goes up for a 450 and hits the knees, and Komander puts him on the floor again and tries the ropewalk rana, which Hologram counters into a powerbomb for another double down. They slug it out and Komander gets a poison rana that looked really bad, and Hologram also gets a terrifying poison rana. And Hologram finishes with his spinning slam at 12:00. They were trying really hard but they just missed SO MUCH stuff. **1/2. And then we learn that Jake’s new guys are Rush, Dralistico and Mortos, as they beat down the luchadors and salute Jake. I don’t wanna slut shame Rush but he goes through a LOT of managers and doesn’t really accomplish anything.

Meanwhile, Mark Briscoe informs Jericho that he done messed up.

Daniel Garcia joins us and he didn’t want to be the guy who just disappears with no explanation, so he’s here to tell us that he’s staying in AEW. And he’s coming for anyone in the back with a title (“And that’s a lot of you”). Hey, he made the joke before I could.

Meanwhile, Swerve will return at WrestleDream.

Meanwhile, Mercedes points out that Emi Sakura has been wrestling for longer than she’s been alive. Ouch.

Meanwhile, Shibata apparently challenges Daniel Garcia to a TNT title match despite not being champion yet. Well you have to like the confidence.

#1 Contender’s match: Willow Nightingale v. Jamie Hayter v. Saraya v. Nyla Rose

Apparently Britt Baker is ill, despite being a DOCTOR and thus immune to disease, so we get a four-way to crown a new contender for the PPV. Mariah is on commentary and she’s pretty savage tonight, asking if Hayter is dressing as Daffney from Scooby-Doo for Halloween. Nice WBD synergy there too. They should dead-ass do a Scooby x AEW animated movie, actually. The WWE one was really good and worked surprisingly well. There’s no DQ, so Harley comes in and attacks Hayter and tosses her to the floor for a brawl out there, while Mariah notes that Saraya is a veteran who is only missing a spray tan. Nyla hits everyone with a dive on the floor and then slams Saraya in the ring for two. Everyone does some pointless fighting on the floor and Nyla finds a table under the ring and Harley nearly comes out of her top. NOT THAT THERE’S ANYTHING WRONG WITH THAT. That poor thing is doing yeoman’s work as it is. Back in the ring, Hayter hits Willow with a backbreaker and everyone hits big moves for a double double down. Hayter makes a comeback while Mariah continues throwing shade (“Jeff, where’s Karen? Is she asleep in the car?”) but Saraya brings a chair in the ring and Jamie steals that and beats on her with it. Harley saves her gal pal, but then Penelope Ford randomly returns and hits Hayter with her own chair, and they run to the back to eliminate Hayter. “Run, Daffney, run!” notes Mariah. Back in the ring, Nyla lays out Saraya and goes up to finish, but Harley shoves her to the floor and then has trouble getting the table into the ring. So Saraya gets a Rampaige on Willow instead, for two. Finally they get that table into the ring but Willow powerbombs Harley after they all stumble into position, and then slams Saraya through the table and pins both Outcasts to win at 11:27. I guess this was put together at the last minute but it was SUCH a mess and filled with pointless brawling that went nowhere. *1/2

Meanwhile, the Learning Tree tries to recruit Rocky Romero after he already joined the Conglomeration last week. “They brought you in to neutralize Smart Mark Sterling, that’s as low as you can go on the food chain”. Hopefully Mark doesn’t sue over that one.

Jay White v. Cody Chhun

I feel like there’s too many H’s in a row there, but he’s got it written on his ass so I guess that’s canon. Unless his gear-maker spelled it wrong and he just decided to go along with it because he didn’t want to speak up and make the guy upset. Chhun shows some fire with chops and a dropkick for one, but Jay hits him with a lariat out of the corner and suplexes him into the corner. White with the uranage and Blade Runner to finish at 2:45. Afterwards, Jay notes that Hangman prevented him from becoming AEW World champion, and so he’ll right that wrong and then move onto the gold for the Bang Bang Gang. So now they’ll have a match at the PPV that’ll probably be great but MAN that feels like a step down for Hangman.

Meanwhile, Hook is searching for the mystery attacker and nearly flips out on Kip Sabian, who claims to know nothing about it. And then Christian offers sympathies on the loss of Hook’s father.

Meanwhile, Willow pounces Mariah to interrupt her promo.

TBS title: Mercedes Mone v. Emi Sakura

Mercedes throws chops to start and Emi fires back with her own, so Mercedes takes her down with the wristlock and Emi hits her with a backbreaker. Emi misses a blind charge and Mercedes necks her to put her on the floor and follows with a meteora to the floor. Back in, that gets two. Kamille chokes her out from the floor and Mercedes gets two off that. Mone with a chinlock and Emi reverses to a rollup, but Mercedes dropkicks her back down for two. Snap suplex gets two. Emi comes back, but misses a charge and Mercedes gets the backstabber for two. Back to the floor and Emi puts her on the railing and splashes her, and then hits both ladies with the splash on the railing and stops for a dance. Back in the ring, Emi with the delayed backbreaker, but Mercedes bails to the apron and Kamille trips up Emi, allowing Mercedes to finish with the Bank Statement 10:07. This was fine. **1/2 Afterwards, Kamille goes for the beatdown, but Kris Statlander makes the save, having apparently turned babyface off-screen with no explanation.

Meanwhile, Stokely Hathaway makes a pitch to Private Party, but they don’t need him.

Will Ospreay joins Tony in the ring and wants a chat with Don Callis, and Don has been thinking about the great times they had together, but then Will goads him into admitting that he sent Takeshita after Ospreay last week. Ospreay points out that if he would quit sticking his nose into Will’s business, he would have had the International title and maybe even the World title. So Ospreay quits the Callis Family again and finally goes after Don, but Takeshita attacks and Kyle Fletcher is all torn yet again. And then Ricochet makes the save for Will again. Feels like we’ve seen all these story beats over and over already.

Meanwhile, Top Flight is pissed off about not being #1 contenders after Collision, but Leila blames Action Andretti for screwing up and costing them the match.

Bryan Danielson & Wheeler Yuta v. Claudio Castagnoli & Pac

The babyfaces clean house to start and hit dives to the outside, and back in for a surfboard from Danielson on Pac, and Yuta adds a dropkick for two. Claudio trades forearms with Danielson in the corner and then puts the boots to him to take over, but Yuta comes in and suplexes Pac for two before moving into Cattle Mutilation. Claudio breaks that up and then takes Bryan to the floor for a Neutralizer to take him out. Back in the ring, Claudio suplexes Yuta and Pac adds his own snap suplex for two. Wheeler fights up and Claudio backdrops him and chokes him out in the corner. Claudio with a release german and it’s back to Pac, who stops by Danielson for a cheapshot on the floor, but walks into a superkick on the way back in the ring. Danielson finally makes it back to the apron and gets the hot tag from Yuta, hitting Claudio with the corner kicks and then reversing a powerbomb into a rana off the top. Bryan kicks his head in, but Pac saves that, so Pac also gets his head kicked in. Backslide on Claudio gets two. Jon Moxley joins us at ringside and Bryan is all distracted, so Claudio gives him the forearm for two and Pac adds a 450 for two. So Pac grabs his trusty hammer, but Yuta steals it, allowing Bryan to get the Lebell lock for the submission at 15:28. Much like everything else tonight, this was merely OK. **1/2. And then Danielson brawls with Moxley into the back while poor Yuta gets double-teamed by the BCC. And then Bryan returns to make the save and chases them off as we wrap it up.

Well despite being “title Tuesday”, the only title I can bestow on this one is “Most boring and skippable episode of Dynamite in months”. There was just NOTHING going on here, especially for a show that’s supposed to be the PPV go-home show.