The SmarK Rant for AEW Dynamite – 08.28.24

The SmarK Rant for AEW Dynamite – 08.28.24

Live from Champaign, IL

Your hosts are Tony Schiavone, Taz & Excalibur

Jon Moxley joins us to start, with new angry blues rock music and a heel demeanor. He’s been doing some thinking about things, and he’s here to have a conversation with Darby Allin. But Darby isn’t here, and Mox wants Tony to know that it’s “not your company anymore.” Very mysterious.

Meanwhile, the Conglomeration discuss their All In experience, and Willow chooses a Chicago Street Fight against Statlander for All Out.

Hangman Page v. Tomohiro Ishii

They throw elbows to start and Hangman gets the advantage momentarily, which only annoys Ishii more. Next up, they trade chops and we take a break. Back with Page hitting a springboard clothesline and he follows with a DDT on the apron, THE HARDEST PART OF THE RING, as Ishii sells it by doing a literal headstand. Back in the ring, Hangman with a lariat off the top for two. Backbreaker gets two. Page with a leglock on the mat, but Ishii makes the ropes and then FLATTENS him with an elbow. Saito suplex gets two. They fight to the top and trade headbutts, but Ishii wins that battle and brings him down with a superplex for two. Page with a death valley driver, but Ishii pops up and hits a german for a double down as we take another break. Back with Ishii trying another german, but Page lands on his feet and hits his own. Ishii counters the Buckshot into a Deadeye of his own and nearly breaks Hangman’s neck in the process. That was TERRIFYING. Ishii with a lariat for two and I’m shocked Page is still walking after that, but he makes a comeback with his own lariat and then wins a battle of clotheslines and hits his own Deadeye, much safer, and finishes with the Buckshot at 16:27. What a brutally stiff fight this was. ***1/2.

This brings out Swerve Strickland for a staredown, as he’s a little upset at Page for getting involved in his title loss at All In. But really he just feels sorry for Page’s descent into being a petulant child. Hangman is still hanging onto the whole home invasion thing, and brings up that Swerve needed help to beat him in all their matches. So Swerve challenges him to a cage match for All Out and reminds everyone that Page is all messed up because all he can do is focus on Swerve, and now it’s Page’s career going down in flames.

Jamie Hayter v. Harley Cameron

Harley attacks in the corner, but Hayter puts the boots to her and slugs her down. Harley reverses her into the corner, but Hayter chases her out of the ring. Back in, Harley tries the sole food (“Welcome back, skank!”) but Jamie blocks it and puts her down with the lariat to finish at 3:05. She’s dropped all the muscle mass but she looked fine in destroying Cameron. *1/2

Meanwhile, Chris Jericho is still bitter about Orange Cassidy costing him $7000 in jacket money three years ago. Fair enough.

MJF joins us and he’s in pain and in no mood to deal with the crowd’s shit tonight. So he’s denouncing his American citizenship (except for New York), and he’s going to make sure Will Ospreay never wins the World title. And then he calls out Danny Garcia, who attacks him from behind and chokes him out with a guillotine. Then he goes for revenge with a top rope piledriver, but security keeps pulling them apart to prevent it. So Garcia reveals that he’s the one who stole the diamond ring and pawned it in Buffalo, and now he wants a match at All Out. And he’s coming for MJF’s neck, wic is apparently his fetish. Thanks for sharing.

Hook, Orange Cassidy, Kyle O’Reilly & Mark Briscoe v. Chris Jericho, Big Bill, Bryan Keith & Roderick Strong

Bryan Keith gets trapped in the babyface corner to start and they work him over, but Big Bill comes in and everyone slugs it out as we take a break. Back with Jericho trying a full nelson on Orange, who fights for the pockets to break free and it’s hot tag Briscoe. He runs wild and threatens Keith with REDNECK KUNG FU, but Strong lays him out from behind and Bryan slugs away on Mark to take over. Over to Kyle, but he tries a kneebar on Keith and Big Bill quickly breaks it up and hits Orange with a spinning Bossman slam as we take another break. Back with Bill missing a charge on O’Reilly, who makes the tag to Hook for another babyface comeback. He hits Bill with a suplex, and a northern lights on Strong for two. Bryan Keith runs wild and takes out some guys with knee strikes, and then Jericho catches Briscoe with a clothesline and celebrates like he won a World title. We get dives from Briscoe and Orange onto the pile outside, leaving Hook to choke out Strong at 17:00. And then the Kingdom geeks lay out Hook to set up the next program for him. This was a fun car wreck match but I don’t know why Tony Khan was hyping it up so much on Twitter. It was fine and not much more. **1/2

Meanwhile, Private Party crashes Mercedes’ party, and Zay is vibing on her but Okada teaches us to say “Sayonara, bitches”.

Mariah May joins us for her promised nude championship celebration, but Champaign just isn’t worthy of her, so it’s not happening tonight.

Meanwhile, the Grizzled Young Vets meet up with the Young Bucks at All In. And then we learn they’re facing the Outrunners on Rampage. I don’t know how they can call themselves “young” anything when they’re in the ring with the YOUNGEST MEN ALIVE. Feels like gimmick infringement.

Ricochet v. Kyle Fletcher

I sense some flips. And indeed Ric takes him to the floor and teases a dive but flips into a superhero landing instead. Fletcher kicks him off the apron and follows with his own dive, but he sets up a chair and Ricochet dives over it with a double knees as we take a break. Back with Fletcher messing up a slam and getting two. They fight to the top and Ric fights him off and comes back with a springboard clothesline and handspring elbow. Enzuigiri and northern lights lead into a twisting suplex and shooting star press for two. Fletcher comes back with a brainbuster for two, but Ricochet flips out of a piledriver and puts him down with a death valley driver for two. And he finishes with an inverted DDT at 12:14. They felt a bit off with some sloppiness, and I wish they had given Ricochet someone to plow through quickly. ***. Afterwards, Will Ospreay comes out to presumably issue a challenge, but Pac hits him with a poison rana from behind, reminding us that he gets the first title shot at Ospreay.

Meanwhile, Jon Moxley is in no mood for an interview, and Marina Shafir joins his team to lay out some security geeks as well.

Bryan Danielson joins us to discuss his World title win, and he reminds us that he’s gonna need neck surgery soon and his family wants him home. BUT NOT YET. So he offers a shot to anyone who wants a piece of him, and this brings Jack Perry out for the attack to take him up on it. Oh goodie. Well that’s certainly a match to fill some time while we wait for a real main event.

This didn’t feel like much of a “can’t miss” episode, mostly doing a good job of setting stuff up for All Out in 10 days but not really seeming like anything of note on its own. It did the job, but I didn’t really remember anything about it when it was over.