The SmarK Rant for AEW Dynamite – 08.14.24

The SmarK Rant for AEW Dynamite – 08.14.24

Work and illness had my schedule all screwed up this week, which resulted in me missing Dynamite on Wednesday for the first time in a long while, but thankfully next week I’m back on vacation. Well not thankfully for any wrestlers currently on their deathbed who haven’t made peace with their gods yet, but thankfully for me. Also I’ve managed to completely avoid all spoilers and ratings info for this episode until now, so I’ll have to form my own opinions like a chump.

Weirdly, my DVR did not record the show last night, as TSN had “best of playoff comebacks” or some shit in the AEW timeslot and I had to watch on TSN’s website instead this afternoon after work.

Live from Norfolk, VA

Your hosts are Excalibur, Taz & Tony Schiavone

TBS title: Mercedes Mone v. Hikaru Shida

They trade takedowns and Shida gets a cradle for two, and then follows with a high knee in the corner and slugs away. Snap suplex gets two. They trade cradles for one and Shida gets a backslide and chases Mone to the apron, but Kamille trips her up and Mercedes gets a rollup for two. Back to the floor and Kamille runs interference, allowing Mercedes to hit the knees off the apron and back in for two. Meteora gets two. Mone beats her down in the corner and a double knees gets two. Shida fights back with an enzuigiri, but she misses a blind charge and Mercedes beats on her with elbows. Shida comes back with a jumping knee for two, but is unable to do the deal and Mercedes puts her down with a backstabber. To the top, but Mone comes down with a meteora for two. Shida does hit the falcon arrow on the second try, and that gets two. Mone bails with help from Kamille, but Shida grabs the kendo stick and attacks Kamille, which results in her taking a boot to the face. Back in the ring, Mercedes finishes with the Moneymaker at 10:20 to retain. Finish felt like a 2018 RAW match but the match was OK. **1/2. Afterwards, Britt Baker’s music hits and a paranoid Kamille beats up an innocent masked plant at ringside, allowing the real Britt to hit the ring and go after Mone, setting up the All In match.

Meanwhile, Jay Lethal and Jeff Jarrett discuss their issues with Hangman, but that just prompts Hangman to burst in and kick their asses. And they fight into the ring to start the match.

Jay Lethal v. Hangman Page

Lethal fights him off and hits a tope suicida FIVE TIMES on the floor. But then Page gets the deadeye on the apron, THE HARDEST PART OF THE RING, and they fight on the floor as we take a break. Back in the ring after the break, Page gets a belly to belly for two. Page misses a charge and Lethal rolls him up for two. Backslide gets two. Cradle gets two. Lethal Combination gets two. Hangman with a crossface, but Lethal takes him down for the figure-four, which Page reverses for two and then clobbers him with a lariat. Buckshot lariat finishes at 10:18. Glad to see Hangman going over strong for once in this run. Mostly a squash for Page after the break. **1/4.

Meanwhile, we take a look at the MJF-Ospreay feud. MJF’s red and yellow gear from RevPro REALLY REALLY makes me think that Tony Khan is gonna license “Real American” for Wembley if he possibly can pull it off. Pretty sure Rick Derringer would do business or even record a new version if need be. And then they can use it for the Outrunners in perpetuity.

Meanwhile, Pac rages about losing his International title match thanks to Will Ospreay going behind his back and getting his own title match. So he’s facing whoever the winner is at All Out.

Meanwhile, Darby Allin gripes about killing himself every week to earn his spot in AEW while Jack Perry got hired because he was friends with the Bucks and he never does anything. Some would say that makes Perry the smart one.

Darby Allin joins us for something, but Jack Perry blindsides him in the aisle with the running knee and they brawl backstage, where Perry traps him under a door and then gets dragged off by security before he can do anything drastic. So instead they’re gonna do a coffin match in London. This feud would be much more compelling if Perry was actually on TV every week.

Meanwhile, Mariah May burns all her Toni Storm gear.

Meanwhile, Mina Shirakawa is pretty broken up by the Storm v. May feud, and much like Miss Elizabeth she’s caught in the middle.

Orange Cassidy v. Roderick Strong v. Kyle O’Reilly

Winner of this gets the #1 spot in the Casino Gauntlet at All In, although no one in their right mind thinks that thing is ending before they get all the cameos from Ricochet and Shane McMahon and Big Daddy’s ghost and Edmund Blackadder and Winston Churchill and William Wallace and Raygun and the puppet from We’re All Just Ordinary Men and all the rest. They all tease dives to start and we take a break, and return with Strong hitting a backbreaker on Orange for two. Strong with backdrop suplexes on both guys and he gets two on Orange off that. Orange comes back with the stunner and then rolls up Kyle for two and they trade cradles for two. Kyle with the choke, but Strong puts them into a double Stronghold, which is the stuff that always gets over, but he can’t pull it off. Orange goes up while Taz and Excalibur argue New England geography, but he gets crotched repeatedly and Kyle slugs it out with Roddy. Kyle guillotines Strong, but Orange breaks it up with a diving elbow from the top. This brings out the Kingdom yayhoos to brawl with Mark Briscoe and get their asses kicked. Strong charges and Orange sits in a chair to avoid him, and then hits a tope outside. We take another break and return with Strong putting Orange in the cloverleaf, but Kyle breaks it up and they all exchange strikes. This does actually fire up Orange, and he hits a double rana on them and Beach Break on Strong for two. Orange Punch is countered and Kyle takes him down with an armbar and then switches to a heel hook on Strong, but Orange breaks that up. So Roddy and Kyle team up on Orange with a high low but only one person can pin so they turn on each other and slug it out again. Orange takes a bullet for Kyle and lets him get the armbar on Strong, but then he cradles Kyle and pins him to win the #1 spot at 17:15. Hell of a match here, even though the winner was obvious. ***1/2

Meanwhile, Claudio and Okada have their face to face, and Claudio wants the REAL Rainmaker next week and not the Elite bootlicker version. Me too! Okada’s bootlicker run has been fun but the Bucks seem like they’re ready to move onto something else and it’s not like the Elite story ever had any kind of endpoint or resolution anyway. Much like the BCC, they’re just another stable hanging on long past the point they were originally founded for.

Meanwhile, the Trios champions and their friend Killswitch chat with Renee, and Christian promises to hold every title at the same time. Renee has too much of a condescending tone for him, so he sends her home to be a mom even though she’s worse as a mom than she is as an interviewer.

Hook joins Tony Schiavone in the ring, and he’s still blinded by the wizard, but he can see fine out of the other eye, so he wants an FTW title match TONIGHT IN THIS VERY RING. But Jericho wants to wait until All In, and if Hook loses then he’s done getting title shots. Also he has to face Big Bill next week.

AEW World tag team title: The Young Bucks v. The Acclaimed

The Bucks are introduced as the “fightingest champions and very fine men” as they lean into the fact that the Bucks have never actually defended the belts, but it’s still irritating in real life. The Acclaimed attacks on the floor and double-teams the Bucks in the ring, but Caster gets dropkicked by Nick and he puts the boots to Max in the corner. Matt comes in and beats him down as we take a break. The announcers bring up that it’s been so long that since the Bucks won the titles without defending them that everyone basically forgot that the Acclaimed had a title shot. We return with the Acclaimed doing the Scissor Me Timbers on Nick, but Matt runs afoul of Daddy Ass and that results in Billy getting thrown out. Back in the ring, Matt slugs away on Caster in the corner and then tears up a very disrespectful “Dung Bucks” sign at ringside. Almost like someone planted it! That’s crazy talk though. Back in the ring, Caster makes the hot tag to Bowens, but he takes a sliced bread and knee strike from Nick and that gets two for Matt. We take another break and return with the Bucks pumping up their shoes and superkicking Caster off the apron. Bowens fights back and makes another hot tag to Caster, who presses Matt into the turnbuckle, and follows with a bodypress for two on Nick. They all collide on a double clothesline and everyone is out. Nick with a swanton, but Caster gets the knees up while Matt takes out Bowens on the floor. Nick rolls up Caster with a handful of tights for two. Ref is bumped and Matt goes low on Caster, more painful than any rap, but FTR runs in and revives him before attacking the Bucks for the DQ at 19:32. That was a really bad finish for a long match like that. The Bucks really looked soooooooooo bored and flat here. **1/2. So Temu Adam Pearce books another match for Collision, with FTR facing the Acclaimed and the winners getting the title shot. That seems like an obvious double countout or something to set up a three way. Hopefully they don’t go that route. Ideally I would have just put the Acclaimed over and had them defend against FTR because the Bucks don’t seem to care about being on TV lately anyway.

Meanwhile, we take a look back at the career of Bryan Danielson via all the footage that Tony Khan could legally obtain. This has been such a bizarrely promoted main event of their biggest show of the year. Bryan Danielson earns a title shot he doesn’t want and puts his career on the line if he loses and then tells Jim Ross that he’ll probably have to get major neck surgery anyways by the end of the year. I’m not sold on why Hangman shouldn’t have gotten the shot.

Swerve Strickland v. Wheeler Yuta

Swerve beats on Yuta outside, where Bryan Danielson watches on at ringside disapprovingly. Back in the ring, Swerve and Yuta trade chops, but Swerve hits him with a backbreaker to put him down. Swerve with the springboard elbow and he does the Griddy before bending Yuta with a wacky submission hold and moving to a cradle for two. See I know it’s the Griddy because my 14 year old daughter told me so, once again proving that I am hip to the lingo of the youths. Swerve ties him up with a deathlock on the mat, but Yuta fights out of that and reverses a powerbomb into a rana to put Swerve on the floor. Back in, Yuta comes off with the top with a bodypress, but lands in a Lebell lock. Yuta reverses out into an anklelock and pounds on Swerve with the elbows and into the seat belt for two. Yuta with a german suplex for two and he tries for Cattle Mutilation, which they describe as an homage to Danielson as if the guy is dead or something. He’s literally sitting right there at ringside! Swerve puts an end to that attempt and hits him with a headbutt, while a concerned Danielson tells him to get up again. That’s how Bryan ended up with all those concussions, because he was too stubborn to stay down. What a bad influence. Swerve keeps coming with a House Call kick, NOT ONCE, NOT TWICE, BUT THRICE and the ref stops the match at 9:47 as Swerve is beating him down. Oh no, Wheeler Yuta doing a job, this is so shocking. Really flat match, again mostly an extended squash. **1/4. And then Swerve promises to end Bryan’s career in front of his child, and hits Bryan with a House Call kick to end the show.

I found this a very flat show in what is supposed to be the big selling point for their biggest show of the year. It just doesn’t feel like All In season yet! Probably having a pair of lazily-booked three-way tag title matches thrown in at the last minute isn’t gonna help sell any PPVs. I thought it was an OK show that pretty definitively ended the streak of great Dynamites that they’ve been on lately, but it doesn’t feel like they have a lot of momentum going into Wembley, which is kind of crazy.