The SmarK Rant for AEW Dynamite – 07.10.24

The SmarK Rant for AEW Dynamite – 07.10.24

Well it’s 34 degrees C here in Saskatoon today so god bless Ben Franklin for inventing central A/C and ice cubes.

Live from CALGARY, ALBERTA, CANADA. My friend Zen had an extra ticket for me but unfortunately my vacation time isn’t until August so I couldn’t get away from work this week. Plus my loving family would have missed me or whatever. Also I hate going to Calgary.

Your hosts are Excalibur, Tony Schiavone & Nigel McGuinness.

Will Ospreay joins us to start and he’s heard that MJF is one of the most insecure guys in wrestling, and now he’s proved it. Also the “bidding war of 2024” didn’t really go MJF’s way because Will got all the money. Also Calgary knows that he’s got more talent in his left nut than MJF does in his entire body. So tonight he’s after a fight and he calls out MJF, but Max isn’t in Calgary because he also hates being there. Max points out that the fans are gonna get sick of Ospreay and then throw him away for the next flippy guy. So next week, he’ll face Ospreay for the International title.

Owen Hart tournament final: Bryan Danielson v. Hangman Page

Going back to his origins, Jeff Jarrett is the special troubleshooting referee for the finals. Page is all riled up and he spits at Jarrett on the way by, and really anyone who can wear that moustache can get away with that. Page beats Bryan down on the mat, and actually I thought Calgary would love Page because they’re into cowboys and the city smells like shit so it’s a perfect match. But Danielson appears to be the babyface. Hangman goes after the shoulder, but Danielson rolls him into a half-crab and informs the referee that he has until five. If it was Jeff Jarrett he wouldn’t have to because JJ would know it already. Bryan dumps him and follows with a dive, and then back in with a missile dropkick. Hangman sends him to the apron and into the post, and we take a break. Back with Danielson busted open, but he fights back with kicks until Page catches him in a swinging sleeper and then puts the boots to him. Hangman beats on him with chops in the corner, but Bryan takes him down with the Lebell Lock and Page makes the ropes. Hangman with a Saito suplex to fold Bryan over, but they fight to the top rope and Bryan brings him down with the spider suplex, but the diving headbutt misses and Page puts him in a crossface. Danielson gets the ropes to break, and we take another break. Back with Page missing a moonsault, but he lands on his feet and hits a tombstone for two instead. Back to the floor, where Danielson hits a springboard plancha and then beats on Page with kicks, but Page grabs him and piledrives him on the floor, further injuring the neck. Jeff Jarrett wants some mercy for Danielson, but Page demands a countout, and Bryan beats that at 9. Back in the ring, Page tears off the shoulder tape like a true heel, but he walks into a bu saiku knee and it’s a double down. They slug it out as Bryan has refreshed his blade job, and they trade germans but both land on their feet, resulting in the ref getting wiped out. So Hangman immediately pulls off his belt and prepares to whup on Bryan, but Jeff Jarrett wants no shenanigans. So Page shoves him down, but Jeff has a ref shirt and Bryan rolls up Page for two. Lebell Lock follows, but Hangman drops him with the Deadeye for two. Buckshot lariat to the back and he reloads for another one, but Bryan rolls him up for two, and then Hangman turns that into a crossface and Bryan is seemingly out, but the hand doesn’t drop. So he rolls Hangman over one more time, and that gets the pin and the tournament win at 25:43. An insanely great final although I would have bet money on Nigel leaving the desk and screwing Bryan Danielson out of the cup. ***** I know he’s allergic to title wins but I’m pretty sure it’s time to finally win that big one and Swerve can regain it in Seattle. And also Hangman should face Jeff Jarrett at Wembley and they can have the most ridiculous and epic Memphis street fight match in British history and, like, slam each other on a lorry and make Doctor Who references and stuff. I think that’s stuff British people do.

Swerve Strickland joins us now that he knows his opponent, and also he’s officially joining Team AEW for Blood & Guts.

Meanwhile, the Acclaimed do a SPICY RAP on the Young Bucks, dragging them like they were whoever lost the war between Drake and that other rapper guy.

Stampede Street Fight: Samoa Joe v. Chris Jericho

Joe punches Jericho through a cowboy hat, and then suddenly dives out and hits Bryan Keith on the floor and tosses him into the crowd to get rid of him. They fight to the floor and Jericho finds a bag of horsehoes, which would definitely hurt if used. And sure enough, Joe suplexes Jericho on the shoes and drops a senton on him for two. Jericho goes low while Nigel goes low on Tony on commentary, and he gets the Walls. We take a break while the MAN IS IN A SUBMISSION HOLD and return with Joe still in the hold. Back with Joe hitting Jericho with a horseshoe. Jericho escapes the muscle buster and dropkicks Joe off the apron, but he dives and Joe walks away from it. They fight into the crowd, but definitely not on the hard camera side of the arena, no sir, and head backstage and into catering. Jericho with HOT COFFEE, but Joe gets the choke, at which point Big Bill saves with a chairshot and the beatdown is on. Jericho wraps a belt buckle around his fist and knocks Joe out, allowing Big Bill to chokeslam him onto a pallet jack, and Jericho BREAKS THE WALL DOWN with the pallet, resulting in the doctor stopping the match. Because of a little drywall accident?

Meanwhile, Joe goes to the hospital in the ambulance, and since it’s Canada he can expect to wait in the ER for six hours and then get sent home by the doctor on call to sleep it off with a prescription for Extra Strength Tylenol.

Kyle Fletcher v. Claudio Castagnoli v. Tomohiro Ishii v. Pac

Kind of weird how Fletcher lost the TV title in Mexico and no one ever talks about it on AEW TV. Claudio and Ishii team up to get rid of Fletcher and then slug it out for fun, but Pac breaks it up with a missile dropkick. Ishii cleans house with suplexes, but Claudio dives onto the pile outside and we take a break. Back with everyone out, but they do a four way slugfest and Fletcher catches Ishii with a tombstone for two. Ishii goes up and Claudio brings him down with a forearm and gives Fletcher an epic Giant Swing into the Sharpshooter. But then Pac drops an elbow on Kyle and puts him in a Brutalizer as well. Ishii goes after Claudio to break up his half of the hold and then hits Pac with a lariat, before smashing poor Fletcher with a lariat for two. Claudio with the Neutralizer on Kyle for two and he fights with Pac trying to get the pin on Fletcher’s lifeless corpse, but Ishii goes after them both. They all trade suplexes, but Fletcher cradles Pac for two off that. So Pac boots him down and goes up for the Black Arrow and another Brutalizer to finish at 10:53. Man poor Kyle just got the shit kicked out of him all match long there. So Pac gets a shot at the International title, which I assume happens at Wembley. Very fun chaotic fight. ***1/4

Meanwhile, Hangman Page barges in to see the Elite and he accepts the offer for Blood & Guts. Well that’s one way to get some revenge on Swerve.

Mercedes Mone joins us, and she’s apparently the best there ever will be, which Calgary doesn’t appreciate. But before she can pour out a drink to celebrate, Britt Baker hits the ring, kicks some security guards’ ass, and chases Mone into the crowd.

Meanwhile, Darby Allin returns and takes out Brandon Cutler backstage. Yeah that’s a shame.

Owen Hart tournament final: Mariah May v. Willow Nightingale

Willow takes her to the corner for some chops, as Willow is repping the Nation gear for Owen Hart and Mariah just goes with simple pink and black. Mariah takes her into the ropes with a headscissors and dropkicks her in the back, for one. Willow puts her down with a spinning slam for two, and a crossbody for two. To the floor for a senton off the apron by Willow, and we take a break with Toni very concerned. Back with Mariah hitting a missile dropkick and a DDT to make the comeback, and that gets two. Willow with a spinebuster for two and she tries a Sharpshooter, but Mariah escapes and hits a german suplex. Willow goes up and Mariah brings her down with a rana for two. Willow with a fisherman’s bomb for two, but she tries a pounce and gets countered with a headbutt, and they’re both down off that. But this brings Stokley and Stat out and they take out Willow while Toni takes the ref, and Mariah hits the running knee for two. Willow counters out of Mayday, but Mariah rolls up for two. Mariah tries to finish with the piledriver, but Willow hits a lariat for two. Willow cannonballs her in the corner and follows with the death valley driver, but Mariah reverses the move into a victory roll and wins the tournament at 13:00. Good for Mariah, it’s time to pull the trigger on her for real. Great match to finish. ****.

Toni Storm is even happier than Mariah, but they skip up to the stage, and then Mariah grabs the belt and BRUTALLY TURNS ON STORM. HOLY SHIT. Poor Toni has her face smashed open (the worst thing Mariah could ever do to her) and then May uses the shoe to jab her in the forehead and licks the blood off. Calgary rewards her with a “You sick fuck” chant and I guess she was using Toni all along. Just an incredible turn that was so shocking that I literally screamed a little when it happened. All the worse because Toni was legitimately trying to cheer Mariah on for the whole tournament and wanted to face her as a friend and now it’s Mariah out for BLOOD. What an awesome storyline. Toni never should have tried to break up Mariah and Mina, I knew it was gonna end badly for her. Also Mariah has clearly been playing the long con and this was the perfect time to cement it. What do the kids say? CINEMA. And it works even better for Toni Storm! God I’m a genius. And humble.

Well the forklift thing was shit but the rest of the show was GREAT and wrestling is awesome.