The SmarK Rant for AEW Dynamite – 05.21.25

The SmarK Rant for AEW Dynamite – 05.21.25

Live from Albuquerque, NM

Your hosts are Excalibur, Taz & Ian Riccaboni

Tony Schiavone brings out Hangman Page and Will Ospreay to start, and Will offers a beer of peace and petitions Tony Khan to be the main event on Sunday. Because the winner gets to main event All In and bring the gold belt back to AEW TV. Also he’s constantly jet-lagged but he still puts on his crime-fighting pants and says RING THE BELL, BRUV. Also he wants to defend the belt at the Forbidden Door in London, so there’s that. Hangman, however, has been living two years of hell, winning zero tournaments and zero titles and disappointing his child and he really needs that to come to an end. Ospreay wants to know if Page is gonna beat him up so bad he has to retire, like Christopher Daniels? Will points out that when he loses, he at least loses with respect and not whining to his boss. Kids don’t look up to Hangman no more, bruv! So maybe Hangman needs to bring that fire and show Ospreay what it’s going to take to beat Moxley. But if Hangman does win, he’s gonna need a friend, so Will has his back and hopefully Page reciprocates. And they chug their beers and get ready for the PPV with a staredown at the cup. I’m still Team Ospreay all the way but I can see the argument for Page. Regardless this was GREAT and sold the match for me.

Meanwhile, Moxley and Marina show up for the six-man…

Jon Moxley & The Young Bucks v. Swerve Strickland & Powerhouse Hobbs & Samoa Joe

Joe slugs it out with Moxley and then Hobbs comes in and throws Matt around. The Bucks double-team, so Swerve comes in and takes care of the Bucks himself. Everyone heads to the floor and Swerve dives onto Nick and Joe does his own dive as we take a break. Back with Swerve trading gymnastics with Nick and nearly slipping and breaking his neck on the floor, but he recovers and the Bucks double-team him out there to take over. Back in the ring, Swerve blocks a Nick splash and goes for the tag, but Moxley clears them out and hits Swerve with the drop suplex to put him down again. Bucks with Risky Business for two as we learn that Double or Nothing is now on FUBO! Holy shit, Fubo? What the fuck is a Fubo? Never mind I don’t care. Someone tried to explain it to me as kind of like Sling but not as good as Youtube TV and all those words mean nothing to Canadians anyway. I’ll stick with Triller and maybe throw a shrimp on the barbie, mate. We take another break and return with poor Swerve just continuing to be murdered by the heels, as Moxley locks in a crossface and that damn spider crawls across the screen again. Has someone called an exterminator about that thing? Swerve hits Moxley with a headbutt in desperation and it’s HOT TAG Joe, who is not the dude you want to be facing off the hot tag. He destroys the Bucks and powerslams Matt for two, and then Hobbs comes off the top with a flying splash on Nick for two. Bucks regroup with a SUPERKICK PARTY and then Joe puts them down with a lariat, but Moxley hits the Paradigm Shift, only for Swerve to House Call Moxley and then take out the Bucks outside. We go crazy with the hot moves and Joe takes a Buck while Swerve rolls up another Buck and gets the pin at 21:27. This was GREAT. I declare this your weekly PARTY MATCH. ****

Afterwards, the Death Riders hit the ring for the beatdown, but Shibata returns and hits Claudio with punches that my daughter would call “downercuts” until Marina saves her bald buddy. And then Willow takes out Marina, and Kenny Omega joins the party and hits people with suplexes to put himself into the PPV match. But Swerve wants a table, so they set one up and Kenny tries to put Matt through with a One Winged Angel, before Claudio saves. Well you know we’re getting THAT paid off on Sunday. So the Elite Riders retreat, but Joe promises that he’s coming after them further tonight.

Meanwhile, the Hurt Syndicate and MJF prepare for their contract signing, but Bobby Lashley is still a curmudgeon.

The Hurt Syndicate and their new pal join us for the contract signing, and Maxwell and MVP team up to bury New Mexico for a while, and then Smart Mark Sterling produces the contract, which everyone signs, but Bobby has concerns and then signs reluctantly. This brings out Dustin & Sammy, as Dustin warns MVP about MJF and does a lengthy promo about how they’re day one guys who have work ethic. After all that buildup, that’s the payoff? No crazy twist, just further setting up the ROH tag champs getting crushed? No one thinks Dustin and Sammy have any kind of chance.

Meanwhile, Okada may or may not give Speedball a title shot at Double or Nothing. Spoiler: Bailey gets the shot.

Ricochet v. Anthony Bowens

Bowens slugs away in the corner and hits Ric with a leaping DDT before clotheslining him to the floor. They fight out there and Bowens runs him into the railing. Back in, Bowens tries a death valley driver on the apron, but Ricochet escapes and runs him into the ringpost as we take a break. Back with Ricochet beating on him with forearms, but Bowens hits the fameasser and a spinning samoan drop for two. They slug it out and Bowens puts him down for two. Ricochet with a knee strike, but he misses the Spirit Gun and Bowens hits the Arrival and Mollywops him out of the ring. So Ricochet finds his scissors, stabs Bowens in the eye, and finishes with the Spirit Gun at 9:00. Decent match but Bowens is gonna settle into a JTTS role if they’re not careful. **1/2. Afterwards, Mark Briscoe attacks and puts Ricochet on the stretcher for their match on Sunday, but can’t elbow drop him.

Renee Paquette brings out Mercedes and Jaime Hayter for their face to face, although the result for this one is not exactly in question. Mone isn’t worried about Hayter, but Hayter points out that Mone is missing one of her titles, so Mercedes snaps and attacks her. Hayter fires back with the Hayterade to stand tall while Toni Storm makes her entrance.

Mina Shirakawa v. Julia Hart

Oh thank god Mina has her music back. Toni Storm is on commentary for this. Julia with the ropewalk right away, but she misses the sliding lariat and Mina does her own ropewalk into a kneedrop as Toni promises not to make any sexual innuendo tonight. “It’s so bloody hot here in Albuquerque. Luckily I’ve left my dog in the car.” They fight on the floor and we take a break. Back with Mina hitting clotheslines on Julia to make a comeback and she goes for the figure-four, but Julia catches her in a Tarantula. Mina goes up with a flying sling blade for two, but Julia puts her down again and goes up for a moonsault, which misses. She hurts the knee in the process and Mina goes to work on it, but Julia cradles for two. Julia with a rollup for two, but Mina finishes with a cradle at 9:07. This was good but didn’t feel like a main event. ***. This brings out Skye Blue for a double-team on Mina, but Toni Storm decides to make the save, only for Mina to turn on her and get a ringpost figure-four to end the show.

Well, not quite, as the Young Bucks are leaving and point out that Joe’s promise to get them by the end the night didn’t come true, so of course Joe picks that moment to attack and they all have a lengthy brawl to preview Anarchy in the Arena and end the show for real.

No wait, we’re still going, and this time Gabe Kidd hits the ring and attacks the babyfaces, allowing the Bucks to set up tables as this show has more false endings than Return of the King. But finally the Bucks put Kenny through a table and we wrap it up 10:00 past the hour.

I think I’m safe to call it the end of the show now.

Anyway, first hour was awesome, but I thought the second hour dragged badly and didn’t have much to say. Not super hyped for Double or Nothing but the top two matches should deliver at least, so that’s fine.