The SmarK Rant for AEW Dynamite – 04.17.24

The SmarK Rant for AEW Dynamite – 04.17.24

Snowstorm here in April. Yup. That’s a thing that’s happening.

Live from Indianapolis, IN

Your hosts are Taz, Excalibur & Tony Schiavone

Jon Moxley joins us with his newly won IWGP World title, finally bringing some gold back to the Shield after the long drought they’ve been experiencing. As always, anyone who doesn’t believe in him can kiss his ass. We get a bit of an AEW rah-rah speech again, before he brings it back to the subject of Don Callis being a creep and attacking his friends, which means they’re attacking him. So tonight he’s going after Powerhouse Hobbs, and then they’ll have a match next week at Daily’s Place.

Meanwhile, Mercedes Mone accuses Julia Hart of being the mystery attacker last week.

Adam Copeland & Willow Nightingale v. Brody King & Julia Hart

Willow appears to have been attacked by Julia before the match and is now unable to compete, so Brody attacks Copeland and beats on him outside before the bell. But Adam fights his way in to start the match and we take a break. Back with them fighting on the top rope and Copeland sends Brody to the mat and makes a comeback with corner clotheslines. Impaler DDT gets two. Copeland pulls out a Buff Blockbuster and fires up for a spear, but Brody cuts him off with a clothesline. Cannonball misses and Willow finally comes out for the tag and hits Brody with a crossbody on the way in. So Adam spears Brody and then Willow cannonballs him in the corner, but Julia nails Willow with a chain and puts her out at 8:32. Mercedes makes the save and chases off Julia as they muddy the waters before the PPV and make the feud more about Julia v. Mone instead of Willow. Par for the course with the weird handling of Mercedes so far. This was a fun opener with a hot crowd. ***

Meanwhile, Samoa Joe sits down with Renee and explains that he was worried about his belt needing to be disinfected after last week. You don’t know where Prince Nana has been! Also Swerve is a choke artist and at Dynasty, he’s gonna be the one to choke Swerve out. Oh that’s clever.

Meanwhile, the Elite hang out at gorilla and annoy Tony Khan after hijacking an FTR video package.

The Young Bucks & Kazuchika Okada v. Daniel Garcia, Penta & Pac

The Elite put the boots to Pac right away, but he fights back with kicks on Nicholas. Penta, who is blue (dah ba dee) tonight, comes in and gets double-teamed by the Bucks. Garcia comes in and slugs away in the corner, but the Bucks cut him off and we take a break. Back with Matthew doing commentary on the house mic while Garcia makes a comeback with a back suplex on Nicholas. So Matthew cuts a promo on him and then begs for mercy when Daniel suplexes him, which is a pretty funny spot. That’s some classic Jerry Lawler shenanigans. Pac gets the hot tag and runs wild with a missile dropkick on the Bucks before sending them to the floor for a moonsault, and that leaves him alone with Okada. Until the Bucks lay him out from behind. The Elite triple-team Pac in the corner and Okada gets the neckbreaker for two. Back to Penta with a high cross on Okada and he runs wild on the Bucks with sling blades, and Made in Japan on Okada gets two. Bucks regroup and throw superkicks, but Pac springboards into a cutter on Matthew and then tags himself in again for that showdown with Okada. Pac quickly sets up for the Black Arrow, but Matthew SWEEPS THE LEG to bring him down, so it’s back to Garcia again. Okada with a dropkick to fight him off and a cradle gets two. But the Bucks hit him with the kicks in the corner and Okada follows with a tombstone on both babyfaces. Double Superkick sets up the RAINMAKER to finish Garcia at 12:22. Corporate shithead Bucks continue to rule. ***1/2. Garcia gets sandwiched in a ladder and nearly finished off, but Pac saves with the hammer, but for GOOD this time around.

Chris Jericho joins us and now he’s a full heel, and Taz brokers a meeting with Hook so they can work out whatever their nebulous problems are. Jericho puts himself over and talks about “the Learning Tree” and the “Jericho vortex” sucking in people and spitting them out better people on the other side. Hook’s not into the idea of sitting under the branches of the Learning Tree, and Taz keeps trying to make peace, but Jericho gets sick of him and shoves him down. So has had enough of Jericho, much like the rest of the wrestling world, and tells Jericho to get lost. And this continues to go nowhere.

Meanwhile, Swerve sits down with Renee and addresses Joe’s accusations of being a choke artist.

Mariah May v. Deonna Purrazzo

They fight for the lockup and Deonna takes her down with a legdrag and chases her out of the ring, and back in with a draping armbar takedown for two. Deonna to the top and Mariah sends her to the floor as we take a break. Back with Deonna getting the armbar, but Mariah makes the ropes and hits the hip attack for two. She tries the Mayday, but Deonna reverses to a sunset flip for the pin at 8:20. Just an OK match and I don’t know why they keep jobbing Mariah when there’s a million other people they can beat. **. Afterwards, Thunder Rosa hits the ring and disrespects Toni with a bad makeup job on her to I guess build heat for their match at Dynasty. Thunder Rosa has zero steam behind her right now. They gotta do something with Toni because the act is running out of gas as a heel and she needs a babyface turn or something to happen with the Mariah thing.

Meanwhile, the Bang Bang Gang challenges the Acclaimed to a winner takes all match for both sets of belts at Dynasty. If they don’t put those things on Bullet Club they’re insane. The Acclaimed are ice cold and fading away fast.

Orange Cassidy v. Shane Taylor

Taylor gets a delayed suplex and then drapes Orange on the top rope and drops him with a stunner, which allows the goons to get some damage on the floor. We take a break and return with Orange making the comeback with his own stunner and dives onto Moriarty and Ogogo, but the Orange Punch misses Taylor and Shane takes him down for two. Orange tries a Beach Break and Taylor counters with a knee strike, so Orange hits him harder with an Orange Punch for the pin at 7:06. **1/4. STP does the beatdown afterwards and Chris Daniels tries to save, but Bitter Trent lays him out in the aisle to prevent it, and then watches Orange get beat up further. Shane Taylor is doing yeoman’s work as a midcard heel at the moment, but the Trent-Orange feud has some real heat behind it because the crowd is invested in Orange and their friendship.

Will Ospreay v. Claudio Castagnoli

Claudio blitzes Ospreay and gets two, but Will fights back with chops and a rana to put Claudio on the floor. They fight out there and Ospreay does his cool barricade jump and springboard elbow combo. Back in the ring, Claudio blocks the springboard and gets a backbreaker, but Will slugs back with forearms and takes him down with a swinging headscissors. Claudio bails to the floor and Will follows with a dive, but Claudio catches him with a backbreaker on the floor as we take a break. Back with Ospreay making a crazy comeback with strikes and the handspring kick. Running boot in the corner and a springboard forearm gets two. Backslide gets two. Will with the Sharpshooter, but Claudio reverses to his own and then ties him up with a crossface on the mat. Ospreay escapes and superkicks him into a Tiger Driver for two. Ospreay comes back with more kicks, but Claudio pokes him in the eye and beats him down for two. Slugfest and Ospreay pops up with an enzuigiri, but Claudio tries a powerbomb and Will reverses into a rollup for two. Claudio blocks the Ozcutter with a Burning Hammer for two. Ospreay reverses a clothesline into the Spanish Fly for two, but Claudio counters the Hidden Blade with a pop up forearm for two. Giant Swing follows, but Ospreay pulls him up and DDTs him in an incredible spot, and a corkscrew dive gets two. Hidden Blade finishes at 14:23. Goddamn, him and Danielson are gonna tear down the arena on Sunday. ****1/4. Afterwards, the Callis Family tries for the attack on Claudio, but Moxley makes the save.

Seriously though, that Dynasty card is literally insane.

Swerve Strickland joins us as we are well into the overrun now. He calls out Joe, who surrounds himself with security on the way out, but Swerve hits a Swerve Stomp onto the security pile and then brawls with Joe in the ring. But Joe cuts him off with the Muscle Buster and stands tall with his belt before the PPV.

1000% better show than last week, aside from Jericho dragging down every segment he’s in now and basically becoming an anchor on their momentum. But they had a hot crowd and most importantly, no legally questionable and senseless video segments making me feel like I’m stupid for watching the show. That’s a vital bit of difference from last week.