The SmarK Rant for AEW Dynamite – 04.02.25

The SmarK Rant for AEW Dynamite – 04.02.25

Well damn, I finally had to capitulate to old age and now I’m living that reading glasses life. And dammit it works really well, especially on the DC Compact Comics editions that were too small for me to read comfortably anymore. Now they’re totally fine for me. I’m having some feelings about this development, let me tell you. I’m trying to only use them otherwise in situations where it’s comedically viable, like Homer Simpson finding the glasses in the toilet.

Live from Peoria, IL

Your hosts are Excalibur, Taz & Tony Schiavone

Jon Moxley & Marina Shafir v. Swerve Strickland & Willow Nightingale

So Jay White has been written out of the Owen tournament via an off-screen attack by the Death Riders. Willow trying to do the Nana dance is pretty adorable, but they all brawl at ringside before she can learn the steps. Also Swerve comes off as SUCH a huge star coming out. What do the kids call it? AURA. Marina fights off Willow and suplexes her on the floor, and the Riders set up a table with their matching outfits. Marina beats on Willow in the ring and judo throws her to death, but Willow comes back with chops and they fight to the floor again. Swerve dropkicks Mox in the ring and Willow hits Mox with a double-team missile dropkick and Mox just sells it huge for her. Swerve with the diving uppercut, but Mox catches Swerve with the cutter and the Riders go to work on Willow. Willow fights back with a slap on Mox and he sells for her again, but then we get a Mexican standoff with Swerve and Mox both threatening to do their finishes to the women. Marina yelling “DO IT! DO IT!” is pretty on brand for the Death Riders. So Marina takes Willow to the apron while Taz is just in his GLORY calling judo moves, judoka jones over here, and Willow takes a bump through the table as we take a break. Back with ANOTHER table set up on the other side of the ring and the Riders working Swerve over on the top rope with stereo back rakes. But Willow saves with a double powerbomb as they do the Tower of Doom spot and Willow makes the comeback and runs wild. Cannonball on Moxley as he’s just having too much fun selling for her, and Willow hits Marina with a spinebuster for two. Mox tosses Willow to save and slugs it out with Swerve before taking him down into the choke. Willow powerbombs Marina onto Mox to save that. Swerve and Mox get into another slugfest and Swerve tries the House call kick, but Marina takes the bullet and Swerve feels kinda bad about that. Meanwhile Willow puts Mox through the table and then powerbombs Marina to finish her off at 14:05. This way overdelivered to a pretty insane degree. Say what you will about Moxley, but what other World champion would be out there taking offense from Willow for 10 minutes like that? And then he hits her with a Paradigm Shift to be an asshole and get his heat back. This all RULED. ****

Meanwhile, FTR get into some trouble on Collision, and then join Renee here so that Dax can apologize to the referee that he abused. So he donates the hefty fine directly to the ref and apologizes to Cash, who doesn’t want any part of Dax’s hugs. Oh man, when your longtime tag team partner says “We’re fine but we have to talk”, that’s never good.

Meanwhile, we get the Owen Hart brackets, with Ospreay/Knight, Takeshita/Brody, Briscoe/Fletcher and Hangman/Wild Card. Goddamn that’s a hell of a tournament field. On the women’s side it’s Hayter/Starkz, Thunder/Statlander, Julia/Mone and Harley/Athena. I have no idea where that bracket is ending up.

Toni Storm v. Penelope Ford

Toni attacks and chases Ford to the floor, and back in for a backbreaker. Fisherman’s suplex gets two. Hip attack misses and Ford dropkicks her into the corner before doing some posing of her own and we take a break. Ford with the handspring and she goes for the lick, but Toni bites her tongue to counter in a unique spot, and she makes the comeback. Toni with clotheslines and a backdrop suplex to set up the hip attack, and a DDT gets two. Ford tosses her and gets a moonsault off the apron, and back in for an exploding gutbuster that gets two. They trade cradles and Ford tries for the stunner, but Storm Zero finishes at 8:12. Fun match. **1/2. This brings out Megan Bayne and her impressively large…headpiece and we get a staredown and more poses from Bayne.

Meanwhile, Willow gets looked at the medical staff, and Swerve swears revenge on Moxley TONIGHT.

Bobby Lashley joins us, with Shelton apparently stranded by tornados, but MJF interrupts immediately. Man they should have put MJF on the Senate floor to filibuster, he’d still be talking right now two days later. So he sucks up to MVP and makes a pitch for himself, but Bobby still isn’t in the MJF business and sends him away.

Big Bill & Bryan Keith v. Local Geeks

Bill tosses one of the scrawny dorks out of the ring and then they smash the other one and pin him at 1:20. So that sets up their tag team title match at Dynasty, although they’re clearly just taking the place of the Murder Machines.

Meanwhile, Harley Cameron workshops tag team names with Mercedes Mone and doesn’t come up with much beyond choo choo trains something something. How about FEEL THE MONEY?

Will Ospreay & Kevin Knight v. Blake Christian & Lee Johnson

Knight is apparently the Jet, although I’m concerned because we already have one airplane-themed gimmick. Christian and Ospreay trade takedowns and strutting, but Knight comes in and hits a twisting splash on Blake for two. The heels trip him up, but Will and Knight toss them and hit stereo dives over the ringposts for a big reaction. Back in the ring, the heels manage to use cheating to take over as we take a break. Back with Ospreay getting the hot tag as I realize that Johnson is doing an HBK tribute tonight based on his gear. Ironic since he’s married to a Hart. Christian hits a dive to the floor and back in with a 450 into a double stomp on Ospreay. But Knight comes in and wrecks them, putting Christian onto Johnson’s shoulders and dropkicking them over into a poison rana on each other, and then finishes Johnson with a springboard lariat at 9:30. Man Knight looked awesome there, although the match was basically an extended squash. **3/4. And then Tony announces that their first round match is happening this Sunday at Dynasty, just in case we needed another banger.

Brody King v. Lance Archer

They trade MEAT shots and fight to the floor, where Archer cannonballs him off the apron, but Brody fires back with his own body attack on the railing. So Don gets involved and Archer goes low to take over and beats on him outside as we take a break. Back with Brody suplexing him out of the corner and hitting a senton for two. Lance catches him with a Black Hole slam for two, however. Chokeslam gets two. Brody comes back with a lariat and follows with the cannonball, and a short arm lariat gets two. And they trade more chops before Brody hits him with another lariat and pins him at 10:15. Fun MEATY MEN match that kind of petered out by the end. **1/2

So after listening to the PPV rundown, I’m left wondering if they forgot about the ROH title v. mask match or did something happen to one of the guys? Also the match is gonna be great but that Omega three way isn’t doing anything for me as it stands.

COPE v. Claudio Castagnoli

Claudio attacks and chases him to the floor for a brawl out there, hitting COPE with an uppercut into the railing. They fight back into the ring and COPE spears him off the apron and to the floor, which doesn’t feel like a great strategy for a guy with a rebuilt neck. He tries another dive and Claudio cuts him off with a forearm as we take a break. Back with them fighting over the suplex on the apron and then fight to the top rope, where COPE brings him down with a bulldog for a double down. Claudio is up first with a Giant Swing, which gets two. COPE comes back with a sunset flip and Claudio rolls through into the Sharpshooter, which COPE reverses to the crossface and then cuts off the ropes, forcing Claudio to power to the ropes. Claudio takes him to the floor and sends him into the crowd for a 9 count, and then back in a lariat gets two. COPE tries the spear and Claudio dodges him, but COPE puts him down with a big boot. Claudio hits him with the Swiss Death forearm for two and a Neutralizer for two. So Claudio grabs the chairs to hopefully get some revenge on COPE, but Adam goes low to escape that predicament and hits the spear for the pin at 17:34. Man this one started ROUGH and very slow, and then Claudio just decided to drag a great match out of the old guy by sheer stubborn force of will power. ***1/2

Meanwhile, Swerve goes off to find Moxley, but Hangman Page stomps in and promises that Swerve will NEVER hold the World title again if he can help it, because he deserves everything bad that happened to him. And Swerve agrees with that, which Hangman doesn’t really know how to process. And then the Death Riders use that awkward moment to attack Swerve while Hangman storms off, smashing him into various objects backstage, and then dragging him to the ring before dumping a bucket of glass (but not a real bucket of glass, that’s cruel) and powerbombing him on the glass and leaving to end the show.

GODDAMN that Swerve-Hangman moment really got me. They’ve gotta get that belt on Swerve now and build them for All In so Page can have his final redemption. Rest of the show was good but not essential this week, and it felt kind of long to me and really ran out of steam by the main event. And then Claudio decided to say “Fuck you” and save the match single-handedly.