The SmarK Rant for AEW Dynamite – 03.19.25

The SmarK Rant for AEW Dynamite – 03.19.25

Live from Omaha, NE, where there’s apparently a foot of snow on the ground. Yeah I wouldn’t know anything about THAT.

Your hosts are Excalibur, Tony Schiavone & Taz

Orange Cassidy v. Mark Davis v. Ricochet v. Mike Bailey

The other three try to pressure Orange into a four-way test of strength, but he declines and Mark Davis gets sent out of the ring. Bailey hits Ricochet with the speed kicks to send him to the floor, but Orange responds with his own and we get a showdown between them. Until Ricochet ruins it, like he does with most things. To the floor, where Bailey batters Ricochet with kicks, but he tries a rana on Mark Davis and gets powerbombed on the apron. Back in the ring, Ricochet talks shit about Davis and then runs away, prompting Mark to beat everyone down with chops to take out his anger. So Ricochet stops to do commentary at the desk while Davis does the work for him. Ric sneaks in and gets two on Orange, but Davis breaks that up and tosses Ricochet before smashing the babyfaces again. Baily with a missile dropkick on Davis and a running shooting star follows, but then Ricochet tosses him and hits his own. Then Orange tosses Ric and teases a shooting star, before deciding to just cover instead for one. Everyone teams up on Davis and Ricochet wants no part of it, but Davis lays them all out as we take a break. Back with Orange hitting a suplex on Davis, but Ricochet attacks Cassidy from behind, only for Orange to spin into a stunner. Bailey dives onto Davis and Ricochet outside and then hits Orange with a superkick for two, and a falcon arrow sets up a shooting star press for two. Davis makes the save, so Ricochet dives on Mark and goes up with his own shooting star on Orange for two. Bailey gets involved, so Ricochet puts him down with a lariat and follows with a death valley driver for two. Orange hits Davis with the Orange Punch, but stops to toss out Ricochet and it only gets two. Ricochet clotheslines Orange out of the ring and trades kicks with Speedball, but Davis takes them both out with powerbombs. Piledriver on Orange gets two. Bailey trades cradles with Davis and hits him with the backflip kneedrop and goes to finish, but Ricochet breaks it up. Bailey with a backslide on Davis, but Ricochet cradles Davis at the same time and they both get the pin at 18:50. So they both are the winners and both get the title shot. That one really felt like a “clever for the sake of being clever” finish. Mark Davis made a really effective base for the guys flying around him and this was a good wacky match that really took off after the break. Bailey just slots right in with this group, too. ***1/2

TBS title: Mercedes Mone v. Billie Starkz

Mercedes beats Billie down and chokes her out in the corner, and a double knee gets two. Billie hits a DDT out of the corner for two and puts her on the floor for a tope suicida before following with a somersault dive. Back in with a swanton that gets two. Mercedes with the backstabber for two. We take a break a return with Mone getting a gutbuster for two. They fight to the top and Mone brings her down with a superplex, but Billie gets a brainbuster and they’re both down. Billie with a german suplex for two and counters out of the Moneymaker before coming back with a superkick and Mercedes hits her with a lariat for another double down. Starkz with a rollup for two, but Mercedes cradles for two. Billie slams her into the corner and follows with something resembling a One Winged Angel for two, but Mercedes is in the ropes. Man she dropped Mercedes right on the back of her head there. Billie tries a senton on the apron and misses, and Mercedes rolls her into the Bank Statement and taps her out at 13:00. This was kind of a mess but Billie was working really hard. **1/2

Meanwhile, the Outrunners motivate the Omaha Mavericks to win whatever sport they play.

Meanwhile, MJF discusses his offer from MVP, but he got burned by his last partner pretty badly, so he’s gonna think it over and give us an answer next week.

AEW World title street fight: Jon Moxley v. COPE

COPE attacks before Moxley even makes it out of the parking lot, and they immediately brawl into a production truck before Mox grabs his briefcase and makes a run for the arena. They fight up the hallway and into the arena, where COPE beats on Mox with the bell hammer and then smashes a trash can into his head. Moxley cuts him off with a choke and runs his head into the railing before retrieving a kendo stick and getting some shots with that. They fight into the crowd again and trade shots out there, and then back to ringside as Mox hits him with a Paradigm Shift on the UNBREAKABLE ANNOUNCE DESK OF DEATH. We take a break and return with Mox choking him out with a chair and trying to Pillmanize the neck, but COPE comes back with a superplex and they slug it out with forearms. COPE wins that battle and retrieves Spike from under the ring, but Mox catches him with a cutter and sets up a table in the corner. So COPE comes back with a suplex…ONTO THE SPIKED BOARD, which sticks in Mox’s back. So Yuta runs in and takes out COPE, but takes a powerbomb through the table as a result. Thankfully the ref pulls the nails out of Moxley’s back and hopefully gives him a tetanus shot later. Next up, the Death Riders hit the ring and beat COPE down, but FTR makes the save. I thought they turned heel? COPE spears Mox through the table in the corner and they’re both out. Marina also hits the ring and attacks, but Willow takes her out, and then the Patriarchy runs in and they all attack COPE and Moxley gets two. Mox with the choke to finish at 21:32. And we’re back to that shit again. Copeland shouldn’t have won the title anyway. This was probably what the PPV match should have been, just 20 minutes of crazy shit and run-ins all piled on top of each other. ****. Afterwards, COPE looks for support from FTR, but Dax turns his back on him and walks out.

Meanwhile, Bandido is giving Renee an update on his family, but Johnny TV stops by and they get into a challenge for Collision.

Will Ospreay v. AR Fox

They do a crazy reversal sequence to start and fight to a stalemate, but Fox hits him with a dive outside and we take a break. Back with Will hitting a Spanish fly for two. Fox ducks the Hidden Blade and counters with a cutter, and that head to the top where Fox brings him down with his own Spanish fly. Fox to the top, but he misses a 450 and Will hits the Hidden Blade to finish at 7:39. That was rather subdued for an Ospreay match but obviously they were short on time. **1/2

Meanwhile, Hangman Page officially enters the Owen Hart tournament.

Meanwhile, Mercedes Mone wonders who trained Billie Starkz, because she obviously did a TERRIBLE job.

Megan Bayne v. Kris Statlander

They fight to the floor and Statlander hits her with a moonsault off the apron, and back with a missile dropkick. Toni Storm joins us on commentary, noting Bayne’s “big juicy…muscles” and declaring herself a Stormodo Dragon. “What is she the goddess of exactly? Not speaking?” Stat with a running knee in the corner, but Bayne gets an exploder. “Now the thighs on both of these women, they had to have squashed a few watermelons”. And on that note we take a break. Back with Bayne hitting a powerbomb, but Statlander counters the F5 into an axe kick. They slug it out as it turns into a MEAT match, but Penelope trips up Statlander and gets thrown out. Stat makes the comeback with a powerbomb and Michinoku driver for two. Bayne with a german suplex, but Statlander pops up and clotheslines her. So Bayne hits another one, and Statlander hits her own, and this time Bayne pops up with a clothesline. They fight to the floor, and back in with a falcon arrow from Bayne that gets two. Back to the floor and Kris cannonballs her off the apron, but Bayne tosses her into Toni Storm. Bayne with the F5 on the floor, and back in for another one in the ring to finish at 12:30. So Toni is enraged and goes in for a slugfest, before noting “My god you’re a big bitch! But the bigger they are the harder they come” and challenges Bayne to a title match at Dynasty that will also presumably involve rough sex of some kind from the sounds of it. Well you do what you gotta do I guess. I thought this match ruled. ***1/2

Way better show this week! Unlike the talk-heavy last one that kind of broke their streak of great shows, this one delivered with a bunch of no-nonsense matches and a couple of matches with just the right amount of nonsense.