The SmarK Rant for AEW Dynamite – 03.12.25

The SmarK Rant for AEW Dynamite – 03.12.25

Live from Fresno, CA

Your hosts are Excalibur, Tony Schiavone & Taz

Kenny Omega joins us with his newly won International title, and he’s just amazed to be back in 2025 after nearly dying and he thanks Takeshita for pushing him at the PPV. So tonight we start the Dynasty Elminator tournament to determine his next challenger. And on the way out while he’s signing autographs and kissing babies, he bumps into the Opps.

The Opps v. Vinnie Pacifico, Eli Theseus & Gabriel Eros

Theseus gets destroyed by Joe until there’s nothing left of him. Maybe they can rebuild him in another place and we can debate whether he’s the same wrestler. Hook throws Eros around and Shibata chops Pacifico down in the corner and hits the running dropkick for two, and then puts him down with the sleeper and PK to finish at 2:00.

Meanwhile, Ricochet clarifies that he didn’t want Nana’s ugly robe anyway, and gives Shibata the option to forfeit before Collision.

Meanwhile, Swerve Strickland announces after the PPV that he’s cashing in his title shot at Dynasty. And then COPE stops by and notes that he might be champion by the time of the show. Yeah OK Adam. Time to go to the back of the line.

Meanwhile, Jon Moxley tells COPE to throw out the rules if he wants, and face him next week for the title in a street fight! That’s pretty fast after the PPV to give the main event away like that.

Hologram & Powerhouse Hobbs v. Brian Cage & Dralistico

Well this is quite the tag team match. Big brawl to start and Hobbs fights with Cage on the floor while Dralistico beats on Hologram with chops in the ring. Hologram dumps Dralistico to the floor and reverses a press slam from Cage into a rana, but Cage bails to the floor and then catches a diving Hologram smoothly in a suplex to the floor. We take a break and return with Beast Mortos putting the boots to Hologram outside, but he gets completely flummoxed by the mysterious and alluring Harleygram, and really who can blame him? Back in the ring, Hobbs gets the hot hand and throws Dralistico down, demanding the MEAT MATCH with Cage. So they slap meat as promised until Dralistico breaks it up. So Cage powerbombs Hologram into Hobbs in the corner and then deadlifts Hobbs in from the apron with a suplex. Hobbs comes back with a powerslam on Dralistico after losing him a couple of times, and then slams Cage on the apron and sets up Hologram for a dive off his chest. Back in the ring, Hobbs hits Dralistico with a spinebuster off a springboard attempt, and pins him at 10:48. These guys did not mesh together very well, to say the least. **

Meanwhile, the Hurt Syndicate is looking for their next challenge after somehow squeaking by the Outrunners by the skin of their teeth. So MVP gives them a week off and tells them not to bother going to the gym. But they want to do that anyway.

Meanwhile, we recap the Hollywood Ending.

Timeless Toni Storm joins us to let us know that the tramp is still the champ, despite the glass in her ass. She comments on the number of titles and takes a shot at “belt collectors and forever champions” and invites everyone in the locker room to take a shot. So Megan Bayne attacks her from behind and joins the metaphorical key party. Seems early for that one but it should be a good match.

Dynasty Eliminator tournament: The Beast Mortos v. Speedball Mike Bailey

Kind of a subdued reaction to Bailey from the crowd. They do a tumbling sequence to start and Bailey puts him down with a high kick and then hits him with rapid fire kicks to put him on the floor. Mortos fires back with a shoulderblock out there, but Bailey fights back with the kicks and hits him with a somersault plancha as we take a break. Back with Bailey hitting a running shooting star for two. Mortos ducks a spinning kick and bails to the floor to escape, but Bailey moonsaults from inside out to put him down. Back in, Bailey with a powerbomb for two. He misses the shooting star press and Mortos hits him with a samoan drop for two. They head to the top and Mortos puts him down with the press slam off the top, which gets two. Mortos headbutts him and follows with the backbreaker and discus lariat, but Bailey counters him into a rana for two. Standing moonsault kneedrop and spinning crescent kick finish for Bailey at 11:00. Mortos is so underappreciated as usual and was a perfect first opponent for Bailey, who looked really impressive. Especially that spinkick finish. ***1/2

Meanwhile, Christian Cage DEMANDS that his contract be returned because he lost to an illegal chokehold, but Nick Wayne calls him out for making excuses and not sticking with the plan. So Mother Wayne steps in to defend her son and Christian threatens to send her back to the Waffle House. Ouch. Christian rightly points out that Nick was never World champion and neither was his father, and also Buddy was a coward who died in front of his wife, which will NEVER happen to Christian.

Meanwhile, MJF is having a moment of reflection after his loss and doesn’t like what he sees.

MJF joins us and complains about getting cheated by Hangman Page, but MVP makes a surprising interruption. So they reunite and MVP recaps his experiences meeting the young Maxwell a decade before, but then demands to know why MJF is whining about the loss instead of getting angry and taking respect back from the boys. So he offers a business card, but MJF isn’t looking for help or advice. He was world champion for 400 days! But MVP notes that the word is “was” and gives him the card after all.

Max Caster’s Best Wrestler Alive Open Challenge: Max Caster v. Konosuke Takeshita

Once again Max is shocked that someone would come to beat him up, and assumes that Takeshita is actually here to invite him into the Don Callis Family. But then he talks one time too many and Takeshita destroys him and pins him with the Raging Fire. I’m curious who Caster is actually expecting to answer these challenges because he always looks horrified no matter who it is.

Meanwhile, Chris Jericho does a promo with Gravity’s stolen mask and then throws it away.

Willow Nightingale v. Penelope Ford

Willow beats on her in the corner and adds a suplex for two. Ford runs her into the corner and follows with a dropkick to put her on the apron and then drops a knee as we take a break. Back with Willow hitting a spinebuster for two, but she tries a Gory Special and Ford goes for the arm. Crossbody gets two for Ford. Willow comes back with an Oklahoma Stampede for two, but Ford rolls her over for two. Ford with the stunner, but Willow pounces and pins her at 8:40. Just a match. **. Afterwards, Penelope attacks with some WEAKASS chairshots, but Kris Statlander makes the save, only for Megan Bayne to hit the ring and take them both out.

Meanwhile, Mercedes Mone joins Renee, but Billie Starkz challenges her to a title match next week.

Will Ospreay joins Tony and relates a phone conversation with his wife, where he promised not to do anything stupid in the cage match and then went ahead and did it anyway. But more importantly, he wants the World title, and calls his shot by declaring for the Owen Hart tournament this year, hopefully setting up a rematch with Swerve Strickland.

Meanwhile, Jay White ALSO wants to be the World champion.

Meanwhile, Hangman confronts MJF, who points out that Hangman is never gonna win the big one and make the fans proud, whereas he is gonna win the World title a bunch of more times and laugh at Hangman the whole time.

Dynasty Eliminator tournament: Orange Cassidy v. Hechicero

I don’t see the result being much in doubt here. Orange ropewalks around the ring to frustrate Hechicero and then does a wacky no-hands rollup for two. We take a break and return with Hech trying to put Orange in a sleeper from the apron and he stomps the knee to work that over. Back into the ring with a backbreaker for two, but Orange comes back with a DDT and goes up for a flying elbow, but he lands in an armbar and Hechicero ties him up in a crossface until Orange makes the ropes. Hech tries another backbreaker, but Orange spins him into the mouse trap for the pin at 9:38 to advance to the next round. Not sure about the wisdom of putting Hechicero in a main event. Match was fine.

I think this pretty much ended the great show win streak that Dynamite has been on, although it was still good. Just too much on the talking side for my liking this week to be anything really memorable or exciting.