The SmarK Rant for AEW Dynamite – 03.06.24

The SmarK Rant for AEW Dynamite – 03.06.24

Live from Duluth, GA

Your hosts are Tony Schiavone, Excalibur & Taz

NEW OPENING! NEW SET! 100% MORE TUNNELS! Really like it, very dynamic and fresh.

Swerve Strickland joins us to start after losing out in the title match on Sunday. So he thinks back to signing his contract in 2022 and all the terrible things he’d done lately, and maybe karma is paying him back a bit? Maybe he’ll just have to settle for being the guy who gets close but doesn’t get the title. But he’s still coming for Joe and won’t let the fans down again. This of course brings out Joe, who isn’t a fan of Swerve making promises to the good people of Atlanta that he can’t keep. And now they can gaze upon an actual World champion. Both guys want the match TONIGHT IN THIS VERY RING, but that brings out the Undisputed Doofuses to point out that Wardlow is the next one in line based on his win at Revolution. Swerve thinks that Adam Cole works well as a manager with his “Dr. Claw from Inspector Gadget” act, and he’s also got Britt Baker’s phone number in his pocket. So Adam challenges them to a tag team match next week, but Tony has the “but” and announces that it’s happening right now instead. That’s interesting, because Tony Khan normally never does impromptu matches. Nice change of pace to open the show and keep people off guard.

Samoa Joe & Swerve Strickland v. Matt Taven & Mike Bennett

I’m assuming this is non-title because the AEW World champion being half of the ROH tag team champions would just be stupid. Joe beats on both of the dorks and decides not to tag Swerve in, but that allows Taven to put him down and we take a break. Back with Swerve getting the hot tag and running wild on the Kingdom. Flatliner and brainbuster on Bennett gets two, but Taven saves. Swerve and Taven fight on the top rope and Swerve gets the Stomp on Bennett off that and finishes with the JML Driver on Taven at 7:00. Complete squash for Joe & Swerve here. I mean, it’s just Taven and Bennett so who cares but this doesn’t exactly make ROH look bigtime. And then Joe chokes out Swerve, but next week it’s Joe v. Wardlow for the title. I’m assuming they’re just blowing off the Wardlow title match and then doing Swerve at the new PPV.

Meanwhile, Matthew & Nicholas Jackson have two HUGE announcements, but they’re not gonna announce the announcement yet, they’re gonna announce it in the ring later. Pretty clear what trope they’re riffing on there.

FTW title: Hook v. Brian Cage

Hook tries for a suplex and Cage switches to his own german suplex and then tosses him with an overhead belly to belly that sends Hook to the floor. Cage looks for plunder under the ring, but Hook finds a fire extinguisher and sprays him to come back. Cage powerslams him on the floor, but charges and goes through the barricade as we take a break. Back with Cage trying an F5, but Hook counters him into a DDT on the chair before suplexing him into a guardrail for two. He tries to sink in the choke, but Cage reverses him into a neckbreaker and then powerbombs him and transitions into an F5 on the chair for two. Cage brings in the bag o’ tacks, but Hook canes him and suplexes him on his own tacks. Hook with the Redrum and Cage tries to drop him in the tacks to break, but Hook hangs on and chokes him out at 10:15 to retain. Hook is definitely improving at “real’ matches and this kind of stuff is really good at disguising his weaknesses. ***1/2. Afterwards, the Gates of Agony attack, but Chris Jericho saves to leech off another up and coming piece of talent.

Meanwhile, we’re gonna have a TOURNAMENT for the AEW tag team titles.

Meanwhile, Orange is ready to go after another championship, so Chucky suggests Trent and Orange go for the tag titles in his place.

Killswitch v. Daddy Magic

Menard is all fired up and slugs away in the corner, but walks into a chokeslam. 2.0 as beloved babyfaces is such a weird dynamic. Killswitch with a headbutt and then he finishes with the back lariat at 2:06. Basically just a squash for the dinosaur. Daniel Garcia tries to make the save, but Nick Wayne lays him out with the Wayne’s World. However, the celebration is interrupted by Adam Copeland, back from injury and looking like Opie from Sons of Anarchy, as he destroys them all and chases Christian right out of the arena and into someone’s SUV. And then Adam announces that he’s challenging Christian in Toronto for an I Quit match on March 20.

Meanwhile, Kyle O’Reilly joins Renee and he does a total babyface promo about striking out on his own now that he’s back.

Meanwhile, Sting retires at Revolution and Darby dives through REAL GLASS.

The Young Bucks join Tony for their HUGE ANNOUNCEMENT. I love that they’ve now jacked the Cody-vator for themselves, and immediately eschew the tunnels to enter from the middle. Tony congratulates them on making it to the ring after the ass-kicking they took, and he immediately gets thrown out of the ring. So they claim credit for retiring Sting and enter themselves in the tag team tournament. HUGE ANNOUNCEMENT #1: Hangman Page is suspended from the Elite without pay for beating up refs. Also Kenny Omega is missing all his dates “for no good reason”, so he’s fired from the Elite. HUGE ANNOUNCEMENT #2 is unfortunately interrupted by Eddie Kingston, who by the way is wearing sweatpants and Tims and wants to talk some shit about the Bucks, but Matthew uses middle management language on him to calm the situation and then hits him in the nuts…but Kazuchika Okada makes the save…and turns on Eddie to join the Elite. Well we know he’s all about the money.

Kris Statlander v. Riho

Riho evades her with speed to start, but Stat catches her in a bearhug and turns it into a delayed suplex. Riho slugs back in the corner, but Statlander hits her with a press slam as we take a break. Back with Riho making the comeback with a northern lights suplex for two. Kris puts her down with a pair of lariats and she gets meaner, perhaps buying into the Stokely method after all. Riho fights back with the 619, but she tries a crossbody and Stat rolls through. Riho with a dragon suplex for two off that, but Statlander blocks a rana and powerbombs her for two. So Stokely casually puts a chain into the ring and Kris is still fighting the dark side and declines. So she suplexes Riho instead , but Riho rolls her up for the pin at 9:37. Shoulda used the chain, notes Taz. Ooooo Kris Statlander as a vicious suplexing heel is gonna be something. Good match here. ***

Meanwhile, Toni Storm announces that it’s nearly awards season and next week it’s the TONI AWARDS. Plus Mariah is still cosplaying as rocker Toni, but she’s not quite there yet.

Meanwhile, Willow learns that next week she gets Riho on the way to Julia Hart.

Darby Allin joins us, alone again, naturally. And he’s getting ready to go climb Mount Everest and wishes the next tag team champions luck. So this brings out Jay White in advance of their match next week, feeling like Darby Allin is a lost puppy without Sting and now no one is around to clean up his poop and and feed him. So Jay offers Darby a spot in the Bang Bang Scissor Gang and he can be Darby Scissorhands. Darby is disgusted by this offer and brings up Cardblade Switchboard. YOU LEAVE CARDBLADE OUT OF THIS, DARBY ALLIN! I know he’s upset about Sting’s retirement but I’m pretty sure that’s a certified emotional support service cutout.

Meanwhile, Julia Hart issues an open challenge for Rampage in case we’ve forgotten who the champion is.

Meanwhile, the House of Black throws a challenge to Mark Briscoe for Collision, and Mark doesn’t need anyone, but Jay Lethal offers his help anyway. Mark wants no part of Jeff Jarrett but Jay is pretty sure JJ can help with an Atlanta Street Fight. I for one trust Jeff Jarrett completely.

Will Ospreay v. Kyle Fletcher

Fletcher hits him with a shoulderblock and Will pops up and hits him with a headscissors. Fletcher runs him into the corner and we take a break. Back with Fletcher on the floor and Ospreay hitting him with a pescado. Back in, back suplex gets two, but Ospreay goes for the cutter and Fletcher hits him with a nasty german suplex and follows with a brainbuster for two. They trade chops and just beat on each other with those, and then Ospreay offers up a free shot, so Kyle superkicks him. Don: “I was about to say chop him in the face, but this is better!” So Ospreay fires back with his own and tries a rana, but Fletcher blocks it, so Will spikes him with a DDT. Hidden Blade misses, and Fletcher sends him into the middle rope with Snake Eyes and it’s a double down. Ospreay comes back with the Oz-Cutter on the apron, the HARDEST PART OF THE RING, and we take another break. Back with the overrun as they trade more chops and Don feels like a “proud older brother”. Fletcher with an enzuigiri, but Ospreay takes him down with the poison rana and goes up to the top. Fletcher tries a superplex and Ospreay lands on his feet and then floats into a Liger bomb for two. Fletcher escapes the Stormbreak and reverses into a double underhook slam for two. Last Ride powerbomb gets two. They fight to the top again and Ospreay brings him down and spikes him with another poison rana, and the back elbow gets two. That was a hot two count. They slug it out again and Will spins into another powerbomb, but Fletcher spins out of that, and Ospreay gets the Spanish Fly for two. Oz-Cutter gets two. Will teases the Hidden Blade, and Kyle tells him to bring it, so Will does just that and gets the pin at 20:06. Ospreay bleeds excellence and great matches. He’s just incapable of anything but awesomeness. Look, I get the Swerve storyline and the long-term build that Tony Khan wants to do and yada yada but my god, they need to just put the World title on this man RIGHT NOW and ride the train all the way to the station with him. ****1/2. Also kudos to Kyle Fletcher, who has really grown into his role as a singles star and now seriously raises the question of what happens when Mark Davis comes back from injury.

And we close with Bryan Danielson coming out to see the new hotness for himself, and that match is probably gonna break the star rating system all over again.

This was a fascinating show, with a revamped presentation that felt very out of the box for AEW and just felt DIFFERENT and fresh. Plus it addressed one of the major complaints about “no stories”, bookending just about every match with exposition segments and explaining everything for viewers. Overall I think it felt a lot calmer and more deliberate in terms of building towards specific matches and not just throwing stuff out for next week in a 30 second burst by Excalibur. I didn’t feel like I was bludgeoned with a million different directions, and I hope the new direction continues down this road. Also more Will Ospreay matches kthx.

NEXT WEEK: BIG BU$INE$$