The SmarK Rant for AEW Dynamite – 02.28.24

The SmarK Rant for AEW Dynamite – 02.28.24

Taxes filed for another year. Should I have claimed the money from Tony Kh…you know what, never mind, forget I said anything.

Live from Huntsville, AL

Your hosts are Excalibur, Tony Schiavone & Taz

Hangman Page joins us to start, and even the chyron notes “Not looking good”. And he’s limping with a crutch! Bad sign, although I’m no medical professional. So Page talks about how much he loves AEW and how far he’s come and how hard it is to have another shot at the title when faced with his crippling ankle injury that is totally real. So he announces that he’s unable to compete on Sunday, which brings out Swerve, and Samoa Joe. Joe is spitting HOT FIRE and dubs Page “Hoppalong”, and notes that they’re only hungry for the championship because he’s STARVING THEIR ASSES and he’s not concerned about whether it’s a singles match or a three-way. Swerve reminds us of all the awful things he’s done and notes that Joe might need to go back to doing commentary and “wearing a poncho again” which draws some gasps from the crowd…at which point Hangman lays him out with the crutch and reveals that he was actually lying about the broken ankle all along. A wrestler? TELLING A LIE? Well I never. I’m thinking that maybe Swerve reminding us about how he broke into Hangman’s home and threatened his child might not have been the best play here.

Meanwhile, Matthew and Nicholas Jackson clock in for work, and announce that the meeting with Ric Flair went great, and they’re going to do Sting’s exit interview…with baseball bats. Yeah I’ve been there before.

The Blackpool Combat Club v. FTR & Eddie Kingston

Danielson opts out to start, so we get Claudio and Eddie and they trade shoulderblocks and battle to a stalemate. Dax comes in and trades takedowns with Danielson, as I’d like to call out the sweet red trunks on FTR tonight. That’s a sharp look. Mox slugs it out with Cash until the others pull them apart and it’s BREAKING LOOSE IN TULSA as they all fight outside and we take a break. Back with the BCC working Cash over in the corner and Moxley gets a leglock until Dax stomps on his hand to break it up. Cash fights out with a rana and it’s hot tag Dax, who cradles Moxley for two. Rollup gets two. Crossbody gets two. Tiger Driver gets two. But then Claudio takes him out with a clothesline behind the ref’s back and the BCC takes over again, as Bryan dropkicks Eddie into the railing to take care of him. Back in the ring, Dax fights back with chops on Claudio, but drops him with a forearm for two and we get another break. Back with a Hart Attack from the BCC and then they hogtie Dax and Danielson hits a diving headbutt onto the shoulder for two. Eddie gets the hot tag and he and Danielson just beat each other into hamburger. Eddie trades suplexes with Claudio and then gets into a hockey fight with Moxley before falling victim to the Giant Swing. BCC continues triple-teaming him viciously and the piledriver gets two. FTR saves and hits Danielson with a Steiner bulldog for two and everyone is out. BCC gets triple sleepers on the babyfaces, but they all fight up and use THE POWER OF FRIENDSHIP to escape. So they come back with the rapid fire chops, but the BCC just beats on them in response until FTR hits the Shatter Machine on Claudio. Everyone unloads their finishes and Danielson nails Eddie with the knee and kicks his head in before finishing with the muscle pose triangle choke at 21:51. I love that Danielson flows so effortlessly between beloved babyface and shit heel from week to week as the situation warrants. This man has RANGE. Felt like they missed the peak but the finish was great. ***1/2

Meanwhile, we get a video package about Chris Jericho and his history with Atlantis in CMLL.

Will Ospreay joins us and it’s time to push this guy to Mars as the top babyface in the company. He just needs to work on his English skills so everyone can understand him. He relates how he’s pinned Orange Cassidy and Kenny Omega and Chris Jericho in the past year and notes everything is going smoovely, bruv, with the Callis Family, but that brings out Don and his Family. Apparently it doesn’t matter who wins, so he demands a handshake between Ospreay and Takeshita and that’s a tad tense, but I’m sure everything is fine. That one should be, as the kids say on Tick Tock, the bees knees.

Meanwhile, Matthew and Nicholas walk into Eddie’s promo and they’re threatening FINES. In fact, Eddie’s attire might prompt a dress code. Where’s the sport coat? Renee points out that she told him to buy the shoes.

AEW International title: Orange Cassidy v. Nick Wayne

Tony offers his tribute to Ole Anderson and Mike Jones here, since we can’t call him Virgil even in death apparently. They trade headlocks to start and Wayne counters the Beach Break into a rollup for two and then takes Orange down with a rana. To the floor, where Wayne moonsaults him, but Orange rolls away from a followup in the ring. So Nick dives over the top and hits Orange anyway. Back in, Nick misses a diving stomp and they fight to the top, where Christian gets a cheapshot with the belt. And gets caught. So the ref tosses the Patriarchy and we take a break. Back with Orange making a comeback and hitting Wayne with a crossbody and tornado DDT for two. Wayne with a fisherman’s suplex for two. Nick decides to mock the champ, so Orange kicks the crap out of him and hits the Beach Break for two. This brings out the Kingdom to run more interference, and Wayne gets a dragon suplex for two while the Best Friends save. And then Daniel Garcia distracts Nick, which sets up the Orange Punch to finish at 11:15. This was a little sports-entertainey for me but it was fine overall. ***

Meanwhile, the Bang Bang Scissor Gang makes fun of Max’s weak rhymes on Collision as this pointless group continues going nowhere.

Skye Blue v. Kris Statlander

Statlander beats on Skye in the corner to start and hits a senton for two. Kris tries a handstand kick out of the corner, but Skye sends her to the floor, so Statlander presses Skye into the front row and onto a pair of lucky plants. Back with Statlander hitting an elbow out of the corner and a powerslam gets two. Skye counters a lariat with a neckbreaker and that gets two. They fight to the apron and trade superkicks out there, before Statlander gets a german suplex on the apron, the HARDEST PART OF THE RING. But then Blue sends her into the stairs, and back in for a destroyer into a superkick that gets two. Statlander with an Iconoclasm and Michinoku driver for two. Stokely offers up a chain with a wonderfully evil look on his face, but that allows Julia Hart to interfere and Skye hits the Code Blue for the pin at 9:44. Not a big fan of all the interference tonight, but the match was fine. **1/2.

Meanwhile, the EVPs prepare to meet Sting in his dressing room, but apparently he has more bats in his belfry than they do.

Chris Jericho v. Atlantis Jr

I know they have history from 30 years ago but this is an exceedingly random match to throw out here even by Tony’s standards of random matches. Also can’t we PLEASE go a few weeks without Jericho? They trade chops and Atlantis gets a crossbody and follows with a monkey flip. But then Jericho blocks him and gets the Walls of Jericho and Atlantis quickly makes the ropes. Jericho goes for the mask, so Atlantis the Senior chokes Jericho out on the ropes and they fight to the floor. Atlantis tries a powerbomb on the stairs, but Jericho reverses with a rana and we take a break. Back with Atlantis hitting an armdrag off the ropes for two as this drags on. Like we’ve had months of exposure to these spectacular luchadors like Komander and Fenix and Vikingo and now here’s Atlantis, who is just kind of a guy with a mask doing the same stuff as anyone else. Atlantis with a rana for two, but Jericho boots him to the apron and then misses a charge. Atlantis hits him with a dive and they head back in the ring and head to the top for a rana from Jericho. Atlantis with his spinning backbreaker, but Jericho quickly counters him into the Walls of Jericho, at which point his father throws in the towel at 12:13. I feel like this would have been better served on Rampage or something. **1/4. This CMLL invasion ain’t doing it for me there, champ.

The Young Bucks join us, still in search of Sting, but they find Darby in the front row instead and the beatdown proceeds. Ric Flair tries to save, having swerved the Bucks, but he also gets destroyed, but Sting tricks the Bucks into heading up the ramp and then rappels from the rafters for the first time in AEW and kicks their asses. THAT was an awesome finale. Rest of the show, not so great this week.

Just kind of a show this week. Too much talking and interference finishes for me this week, but Revolution looks like a hot show and Sting went out with a bang here. See you Sunday for that one.