The SmarK Rant for AEW Dynamite – 01.29.25

The SmarK Rant for AEW Dynamite – 01.29.25

Live from Huntsville, AL

Your hosts are Tony Schiavone, Excalibur & Taz

Will Ospreay v. Brian Cage

That scamp Don Callis reveals that Kenny Omega was attacked in the back, distracted Ospreay so that Cage can attack. They slug it out, but Will hits him with a rana to put him on the floor and then gets clobbered when a dive misses. He leaps off the railing to regroup, Cage catches him in a suplex position out of the air and then walks him around the ringside area before dropping him. This gives Callis a chance to get some shots in, and Don the heel of course makes sure to throw the girliest slaps possible to annoy the fans. Back in the ring, Cage works him over and puts him down with an elbow for two. To the chinlock, and a backbreaker gets two. Whip to the corner gets two. Cage with a bearhug, but Ospreay hits him with a corkscrew kick and it’s a double down. Cage goes up and Will brings him down with the Cheeky Nandos and a springboard clothesline for two. Ospreay sends Cage to the floor and follows with the SPACE FLYING TIGER DROP, but Cage suplexes him back into the ring for two. Will escapes a powerbomb and hits Cage with superkicks, but Cage puts him down with a lariat and a powerbomb gets two. Middle rope F5 gets two, but Archer interferes and gets caught by the ref. So Cage collides with him by mistake, and the Styles Clash finishes for Ospreay at 12:41. More of a standard David v. Goliath match rather than an Ospreay match, but it was really good for what it was. ***1/4. The beatdown follows, but Kenny makes the save, apparently not as injured as we thought, but then Fletcher and Takeshita hit the ring and finish beating them down with stereo piledrivers. And then the beating goes on even LONGER, and they finally decide to call it a segment after playing the heel music like three different times.

Meanwhile, Hangman Page storms around the dressing rooms, and rudely bumps into MJF, who complains about how everyone always loves Hangman and hates him. So tonight he’s gonna end Jarrett’s career.

Meanwhile, Powerhouse Hobbs can’t be here tonight, but he’s going to get Big Bill at a later date.

Claudio Castagnoli v. Jeff Jarrett

Jarrett hits him with hiptosses and slugs away in the corner, but Claudio hits him with a lariat for two. Jarrett reverses the Neutralizer into the figure-four, but Claudio makes the ropes and then calls out that shit Wheeler Yuta as we take a break. Back with Claudio hitting a running forearm in the corner for two. Double stomp gets two. Claudio beats on him with the forearms, but Jarrett fires back and tries another figure-four. Claudio escapes that and gets the Giant Swing, but Jarrett is from Memphis and can take an old-timey move easily. Claudio with the Sharpshooter, but Jeff powers out and into his own version. But then Yuta takes the ref and Claudio gets a chair. And then Jon Moxley runs in for good measure and hits the Paradigm Shift, followed by the Neutralizer to finish at 10:08 for an all-time bummer ending. **1/2. So then this brings out MJF to rub salt in the wounds, and he knocks Jarrett out with the ring for good measure.

Ricochet v. AR Fox

Fox looks like a complete goober with his jobber jacket entrance. Fox works a headlock on the mat to start and sends Ric to the floor with a brainbuster before following with a dive. Taz notes that Fox flew “like one of the space gimmicks they’re got in Huntsville, you know, Rocket Ship Jones”. Good to have him back. Fox goes to the apron and Ricochet hiptosses him out there and then fakes a dive to annoy the crowd as we take a break. Back with Ricochet hitting a spinebuster and People’s Moonsault for two. They collide on a bodypress attempt, and Fox makes the comeback with a leg capture suplex for two. Cutter into a 450 splash gets two. Ricochet bails to the apron and grabs the ref’s shirt to allow him to hit a codebreaker for two. Spirit Gun finishes at 11:00. This was fine but Fox means less than nothing and didn’t need to be going that long with someone who’s supposed to be a top guy. **1/2. Afterwards, Ricochet finds his scissors, but Swerve pops out from under the ring in a shot totally missed by the cameraman, and then Ricochet threatens to stab Fox in his carotid artery and manages to escape. Man I’m really not comfortable with this scissors gimmick. It’s such a bad visual.

Meanwhile, we get a bit of the Closeup interview with Jon Moxley, as he makes it clear that we ain’t seeing the AEW World title for a while. You see, HE’S the AEW World title and it lives inside him.

Meanwhile, Chris Jericho celebrates the Crimson Toad (“Roll Toad!”) and he’s still kind of disappointed in Big Bill. So this week they’re gonna give him another chance to prove himself against the Outrunners, who might be victims of the Mandela Effect.

Wheeler Yuta v. Jay White

“Well, here come the Death Riders again” notes Tony in the same tone as all of us watching say it. White immediate tries the Blade Runner and Yuta runs away. Into the ring, White beats on him with chops and backdrops him before taking him to the floor for a beating out there, but Yuta goes after the knee with a dropkick and smashes the knee into the stairs a few times. Back in the ring, Yuta with a fisherman’s suplex for two as we take a break. Back with Yuta taking White to the top, but White fights out and they go up the other corner, with White hitting a superplex this time for two. They trade cradles for two and Yuta takes out the knee again and goes to the half crab until Jay makes the ropes. Yuta with an Angle Slam for two, but White spikes him with a uranage. Yuta cradles for two, and a german suplex gets two. But then the bu saiku knee is reversed into the Blade Runner and that’s it for Yuta at 14:50. Match had no heat but was technically fine. ***. Afterwards we get another Death Riders beatdown, but Rated FTR quickly makes the save and challenges the Death Riders to a Mid South street fight for Collision. That show is gonna get massacred by the Royal Rumble.

Meanwhile, Timeless Toni Storm re-emerges from her acting cocoon. And then Mariah May joins us and she doesn’t need to act. Also she wants to rename the city with a “C” instead of an “H”. Maybe she can draw up an executive order for that too.

Meanwhile, the Gunns have apparently been located and are coming back.

Meanwhile, the Vendetta complains about Harley Cameron sticking her balloons where they don’t belong. Hey, she can stick her balloons wherever she wants!

TBS title: Mercedes Mone v. Yuka Sakazaki

Mercedes works a headlock and they trade takedowns and dance moves before Yuka gets the rolling bodyscissors on the mat. Sliding lariat gets two. They take it to the floor and Yuka dares to mock her, which prompts Mercedes to get annoyed and walk away from a dive attempt. Mercedes with a meteora on the floor and we take a break. Back with them slugging it out and Yuka gets a springboard dropkick after a couple of attempts, and a brainbuster gets two. Mercedes with the Three Amigos for two. They fight to the top and Yuka brings her down with a superplex for two. Yuka escapes the Moneymaker and superkicks her to set up the Merry Go Round for two. But then Mercedes hits the backstabber into the Bank Statement, and Yuka reverses to a cradle for two. Springboard splash hits knees, and Mercedes powerbombs her and finishes with the Moneymaker at 13:11 to retain. Another great match from Mone, although no one watching gave Yuka the slightest chance of winning. ***3/4.

A solid but unassuming episode without a lot of crowd heat aside from the main event. How crazy is it that I actually miss the Gunns and want them back again? The world is indeed upside-down.