The SmarK Rant for AEW Dynamite – 01.24.24

The SmarK Rant for AEW Dynamite – 01.24.24

Live from Savannah, GA

Your hosts are Excalibur, Tony Schiavone & Taz

Samoa Joe joins us to start, and he’s got a new championship endeavour that starts tonight, with people having to EARN shots at his title. But then someone throws up the HOOK SIGNAL and Hook is gonna…talk? But he just wants to put Joe over and promise he’ll be back, but Joe tells security to get him out of the ring. So Hook takes out the security geeks and then leaves on his own.

Hangman Page v. Penta El Zero Miedo

Joe joins us on commentary and wonders who did such a lousy job of raising this Hook kid. We get a catchphrase showdown to start and they fight for the lockup and exchange chops. Penta takes him down with a pair of sling blades, but Page catches him with the fallaway slam for two. Page with the boot rakes in the corner and we get a lingering shot of Page’s magnificent moustache game, although he needs to grow it further down his face to go full Magnum TA. Page gets all distracted by Joe and that allows Penta to fire back with chops while Joe helpfully translates Penta’s Spanish trash talk, and they exchange clotheslines and superkicks for a double down. We take a break and return with Penta hitting him with a tope, but Hangman gets a death valley driver and slugs away in the corner before running into a superkick. Penta with his own death valley driver for two. Penta tries to snap the arm but Hangman powers out of it and powerbombs him for two. They exchange chops on the apron and Penta tries the Fear Factor out there, but Page fights him off and comes back in with the Buckshot, which Penta reverses into Made in Japan for two. Page bails to the apron and Penta tries a destroyer out there, but Page hits him with a Deadeye instead and then moonsaults him on the floor. Back in, the buckshot misses, so Page hits a lariat on the rebound, and then back to the apron for a second Buckshot and that finishes at 13:47. Joe, of course, is still unimpressed by Hangman’s resume and feels more wins are needed. Very good, hard hitting opener, although the crowd heat was in and out. ***1/2

Meanwhile, Orange Cassidy chats with Renee and he’s unconcerned about Roddy and wants to continue defending his title. So some of Orange’s friends and enemies and friends of enemies are gonna wrestle on Rampage and the winner gets a title shot on Collision. Also Wardlow is wrestling next and he’s big.

Meanwhile, Nicholas and Matthew arrive and demand to be called by their “passport names” now that they’re fixed the catering problem. But they run into Top Flight, who DO NOT HAVE THEIR CREDENTIALS, and threaten a fine if they don’t shape up. You gotta keep the kids in line. I really hope they start going for the hyper-specific middle management jokes because I will laugh hardest.

Wardlow v. Trent Beretta

Wardlow beats on Trent in the corner and tries the powerbomb, but Trent cradles for two. Trent sends him to the floor and follows with a dive, but Wardlow nails him with a forearm on the way down and we take a break. Back with Trent making another comeback and sending Wardlow to the floor again before beating on him with a chair behind the ref’s back. Back in with a suplex for two and a tornado DDT, and he follows with a piledriver for two. Trent goes up and Wardlow catches him with a powerslam, and then hits him with the knee in the corner and finishes with a delayed Last Ride at 8:00. This was definitely a more interesting type of match for Wardlow than the endless Goldbergian squashes, although he’s still not great in the ring. **1/2

Meanwhile, the Cope Open runs through THE MURDER GRAMPA tonight.

Deonna Purrazzo and Toni Storm join Renee for a face-to-face interview, and we get an awesome joke with the screen split into color and B&W. Toni thinks it’s terrible that Deonna was body-shamed on Twitter, when there’s so many more things to shame her for. Toni is also going to “twist her lips so hard she’ll need an epidural” as Renee struggles not to crack up on camera. But Deonna wants the “real” Toni who was once her friend and still has matching ankle tattoos with her. And we get a SHOE FIGHT before they brawl on the stage and Toni runs away.

Meanwhile, Johnny TV and Taya call “No cuts no butts no coconuts” and challenge Deonna to a match to settle things. Fair.

Swerve Strickland v. Jeff Hardy

I’ve heard that Jeff also swerves when he drives. Jeff is looking rather salty this week, and Swerve quickly rolls him up for two. So Jeff adjusts his jewellery and rolls up Swerve for two while using the belt. Jeff misses a blind charge and Swerve hits him with a backbreaker. Jeff with a dropkick to the back after some awkwardness and he gets the legdrop cradle for two. Jeff bails to the apron and Swerve takes him to the floor with a neckbreaker and puts him in a chair, but Jeff somehow escapes the chair and trips up Swerve on the apron. And Jeff hits him with a dive off the stairs and into the crowd as we take a break. Back with Jeff hitting Swerve with the Whisper in the Wind. They continue slugging it out and this is kind of a huge mess but the crowd is very invested in Hardy. Jeff goes up and Swerve dumps him to the apron and runs him into the post. Back to the floor and Jeff manages to hit a Twist of Fate on the stairs, but the swanton misses in the ring and Swerve hits the House Call kick for two. Swerve wants his own Twist of Fate, but Jeff cradles for two and a backslide gets two. But then Swerve puts him down with a flatliner and goes up to finish him with the Swerve Stomp at 14:00. Hardy putting over the bigger younger stars is a good use of him, although he couldn’t hang with Swerve here. Man they were trying for something, though, and I can’t decide if it was awful or fantastic so I’ll split the difference. **1/2.

Meanwhile, Hangman and Swerve argue over the rankings, and Renee announces that next week they get to pick each others’ matches.

Thunder Rosa v. Red Velvet

Rosa takes her down with a gator roll and they fight to the apron and to the floor as we take a break. Back with Rosa hitting her with the knees in the corner and she follows with a northern lights suplex for two. Velvet comes back with the casadora and hits double knees on the ropes. But Rosa comes back and tries some kind of double underhook, which goes nowhere as Velvet escapes awkwardly, but then she recovers and hits the double underhook slam on the second try for the pin at 7:00. This was…not good. *

Sting and Darby join Tony in the ring and TLDR they want a shot at the tag team titles before Sting retires at Revolution.

AEW World Trios title: The Acclaimed v. Brian Cage & The Gates of Agony

Wait, so the Mogul Embassy literally just lost the ROH titles last week and they get a shot at the AEW titles this week? Talk about failing upwards. Max calling Brian Cage “not the most generic guy on the team for once” is a pretty sick burn. Caster works on Cage’s arm and they head to the floor as we take a break. Back with Billy Ass getting the hot tag and running wild, but Kaun hits a kind of Pedigree for two. But he grabs a chair and SLOOOOOOOOOOOWLY preps it, allowing Jay White to run in from Florida apparently and steal it away. Also the Gunns take care of Nana with a powerbomb through the table. Back in the ring, Cage stands there forever waiting for Bowens to hit his guillotine, and then the Acclaimed finish him with the Arrival and Mic Drop at 9:12. Bullet Club is having a lot of fun as babyfaces but this match was a trainwreck. *

Adam Copeland v. Minoru Suzuki

So they beat the hell out of each other to start and Suzuki goes for the piledriver right away, but they fight to the apron and Suzuki guillotines him out there before they go smashing through the railing to break up the hold. That was unique. They beat the count at 9 and throw more bombs at each other until they both go down. Copeland up first with the Impaler, but Suzuki takes him down with the Fujiwara armbar, but Adam makes the ropes. Copeland with a spear to recover, and that gets two. And then Suzuki just pops up like a serial killer and sinks in the choke from behind and Copeland is turning PURPLE. But he escapes with a shot to the turnbuckles and hits a Killswitch for the pin at 9:20. This was wacky as fuck and you have to love it. Afterwards, Copeland offers respect, but Suzuki leaves him hanging on the handshake, and Adam is like “Eh, I would have been disappointed if he accepted it anyway.” ***3/4.

I will say I like the direction of the rankings and the stuff happening at the top of the show that really made the World title feel important again, and the main event was great, but all the rest in the middle I can take or leave this week. Man they gotta do something about their live event booking, though, because 2000 people for a show like this is BRUTAL on national TV with the arena all blacked out. I miss the big brightly lit crowds of the early Dynamites and they need that energy back.