The SmarK Rant for AEW Dark – 10.08.19

The SmarK Rant for AEW Dark – 10.08.19

Just a new idea for a series, since I never really covered the original Dark shows all that much and I thought it might be interesting to go all the way back to the beginning again and see where they were at 5 years ago. So this is the very first episode, premiering on Youtube on October 8 2019.

Taped from Washington, DC, at the very first Dynamite.

Your hosts are Tony Schiavone, Jim Ross & Excalibur

Darby Allin v. CIMA

Very early in the run for Darby, obviously, before Sting and the “pillars” and Mt. Everest. For those who don’t think this has taken a toll on him, Darby looks like a BABY here, like a kid plucked out of high school. Wrestling has taken 15 years off his life, easily. They trade shots and Darby does the springboard armdrag to put CIMA on the floor and he follows with a tope suicida to smash CIMA into the railing. So he does it twice more because CIMA keeps getting up. Back in the ring, Coffin Drop misses and CIMA runs him into the corner and dropkicks him for two. CIMA transitions right into a submission hold on the mat where he ties up multiple limbs, but he goes up and Darby brings him down into the Tree of Woe and follows with a pair of corner splashes. With all 50 pounds of his body weight! Another charge and CIMA hits him with a knee and goes up with a tornado DDT for two. They trade chops and Darby goes down first, and then CIMA offers him a free shot to see if he can do better. So Darby punches him instead and hits the stunner for two. Another try at the Coffin Drop, but CIMA gets the knees up while the announcers riff on how he’s never actually hit it before. CIMA with a Michinoku driver for two and he comes off the top rope with a meteora to the back for two. But then he tries again and lands on his bad knee, and Darby hits a Code Red for two. Back up with the Coffin Drop for a third time, and this time it finally hits for the first time in AEW and gets the pin at 7:03. They were both working hard here. ***

Meanwhile, Tony runs down the upcoming AEW World tag team title tournament, which leads to…

The Lucha Bros & The Hybrid2 v. Best Friends & Private Party

Jack Evans immediately cuts off Penta’s deal and tells them to get out of the ring because they’re the “B-Team”. So Penta just beats up everyone and clears the ring, tossing Fenix onto the pile, and they hit Zay with a stereo dropkick for two. Zay slugs away on Angelico, but stops to squeal and gets kicked in the face for two. Zay really was a huge geek for years. It’s kinda no wonder their title reign bombed so badly. The Hybrid2 double-team Zay in the corner, but he sends Angelico into Evans with a rana and that spot looked BAD. Over to Chuck, who hits Angelico with a sliced bread, but Evans breaks up the hug and pays the price. JR kinda busts on the lethargic nature of the teams, while the heels attack Orange Cassidy for some cheap heat and JR is like “This is a ship with a broken rudder” to sum up the match so far. Back in the ring, Zay dropkicks Evans back to the floor, which sets up the Silly String on Angelico. Lucha Bros suddenly remember they’re in this trainwreck and try a dive, but Chuck breaks it up and we get the hug this time before they hit a stereo dive on the pile. And then Orange hits a dive on the pile, while Chuck and Trent double-team Penta. But Fenix reverses Strong Zero into a destroyer in a wild move that’s wasted on this match, and the Fear Factor finishes Chuckie T at 8:44. Yeah this was a complete dumpster fire and a complete waste of the Lucha Bros. *

Bea Priestly & Penelope Ford v. Dr. Britt Baker DMD & Allie

Allie as the goofy babyface back then is a weird fit. The feud was Bea v. Britt at this point, although the pandemic travel restrictions killed that off before it could be paid off with anything. Britt trades cradles with Ford to start, but Bea trips up Britt and Ford takes over. I forget if this was before or after the messy breakup with Joey Janela but Penelope at least got a lot better once she switched to Kip Sabian. Ford with a northern lights suplex on Britt for two. Over to Allie and she hits Ford with a running forearm into the corner for two. But then Priestly boots her from the apron and the heels go to work again as the crowd dies. I mean, to be fair it took a good six months for anyone to have a reason to give a crap about either Baker or Allie anyway. Priestly works the arm on Allie in the corner, but she fights them off, and Ford misses a handspring. Allie with a short rana and it’s a double down for some reason, but Britt gets the hot tag and goes after Bea. Britt with a neckbreaker for two. Bea with a back suplex for two. Allie comes in again and the babyfaces double-team Bea for two. Ford comes in and Britt tries a pumphandle slam of some kind but they just go completely sideways with it and kind of fall over. Britt with a DDT on Ford that looks awful, and then the move that eventually became Lockjaw finishes at 10:11. This was pretty bad by the end. Ford and Baker in particular were stumbling all over each other. ½*

Meanwhile, we get a recap of Dynamite #1 and the formation of the Inner Circle. Also Tony runs down the tag team title tournament brackets, and I have no earthly idea why Dark Order got a bye in this thing.

SCU v. Jurassic Express

This is a trios match with the full compliment of guys on both sides. Marko starts with Daniels and we get some wacky schtick, and then Jungle Boy does some cradles on Kazarian for two. Luchasarus comes in and hits Daniels with the hook kick, and it’s back to JB with a snap suplex for two. Jungle slams Marko onto Daniels for two, and the Jurassics triple-team him in the corner and get two. Scorpio comes in and Marko bounces off him, and then Sky dropkicks Jungle Boy out of the ring and SCU goes to work on Luchasaurus with some smooth double-teams for two. But then Luchasaurus no-sells them and chokeslams Kaz into a standing moonsault for two. Jurassics all throw their big moves at Kazarian and Marko gets two off a shooting star, but SCU double-teams Jungle Boy to get rid of him, and then go after Marko. He manages to cradle Kazarian for two with help from Luchasaurus, but then Sky and Kaz absolutely destroy him with a powerbomb/backstabber combo and pin him at 9:22. That was a vicious finisher. SCU looked smooth as butter here and you could tell that Jungle Boy was still figuring out his character and had the yips a lot of the time. Good overall. ***

Definitely this one had more star power for the first episode than it would develop into later. This reminded me a lot of Rampage in terms of what was presented, kind of the leftovers from Dynamite, and although the matches weren’t great, it was a mostly pleasant hour of action.

Next time: We actually DO get a must-see match!