The SmarK Rant for AEW Collision – 12.23.23

The SmarK Rant for AEW Collision – 12.23.23

This is probably the last Collision I’ll do for a while, as FITE TV has jacked up the price of AEW Plus to $13 per month and that’s more than I want to pay. That being said, the PPV discount might still be worth it, so I can always re-sub in the new year. The show is technically available on TSN Plus in Canada but the app is dogshit and they frequently forget to put the shows up until days later.

Live from San Antonio, TX

Your hosts are Tony Schiavone, Kevin Kelly & Nigel McGuinness

Continental Classic: Bryan Danielson v. Claudio Castagnoli

Apparently Claudio is the lineal ROH World champion if you consider each of Eddie’s matches in the tournament to be ROH title matches. No introduction this week as they just do a cold open into the match here, and they trade hammerlocks and take each other down. They do a test of strength and Claudio bridges out of that while Nigel’s dad joke about Bryan gets interrupted by Tony, and Kevin has to throw out the Ed McMahon straight line instead. Danielson tries tying him up on the mat, but Claudio blasts him with an uppercut and Danielson is INTO IT. You have to think in real life he loves going out and getting the crap kicked of him week after week on TV. Claudio drops an elbow for two, but Bryan takes him down with a leglock, and then they do a knucklelock and trade monkey flips off that while Nigel does a 2/10 “Bryan’s Xmas gift list” joke that falls flat. They trade rollups and exchange near-falls for two, and Claudio puts him down with a lariat for two. Bryan counters the Giant Swing into the Lebell Lock, so Claudio bails to the floor to escape. Bryan follows him out with a diving knee off the apron and they fight out there for a bit, but Bryan comes in off the top rope and Claudio hits him with an uppercut on the way down for two. Bryan beats on him in the corner with chops and follows with a series of running dropkicks, but Claudio catches him and gives him the Giant Swing for two. Claudio tries for a Sharpshooter and then clotheslines him to the floor instead and blasts him with a running forearm into the railing.

Back in the ring, they fight to the top and Bryan gets a rana to bring him down for two. Claudio powers out of the elbows and uses a tilt-a-whirl into a Lebell Lock, but Claudio quickly makes the ropes, which the blind referee misses! YOU HAD ONE JOB! Claudio goes up again and Bryan tries another rana, but Claudio blocks him and instead hits a delayed superplex, so delayed they should call it the Devil reveal. Claudio with a Ricola Bomb, but Bryan counters in mid-air into a triangle. So then Claudio powers him back up into a Neutralizer for two. Bryan backdrops out of the Ricola bomb and hits a Bu Saiku knee for two. Bryan KICKS HIS FUCKING HEAD IN, but Claudio pops up and returns the favor, smashing Bryan’s eye in. So they trade kicks while holding each other’s wrists while Nigel cheers on the eye injury, and Claudio turns him into the Sharpshooter with time running out. Bryan hangs on with 30 seconds left, so Claudio releases the hold and tries to powerbomb him, but Bryan escapes with a draw at 20:00. First one of the tournament, which means that…uh…carry the one…Bryan goes to the finals. And thankfully the BCC continue to be buds afterwards. An amazing scientific match to open the show. ****

Meanwhile, on Dynamite, the Gold League finals are set. I kinda want Jay White to win the whole thing. God I feel so dirty.

World Trios title: The Acclaimed v. Top Flight & Action Andretti

They won’t, but I really really hope they pull the trigger on the Top Flight guys here. Max’s rap has a heel edge to it this week. Max takes Darius down with a headlock to start and they trade off that before Bowens comes in with a neckbreaker into a backcracker from Max. Andretti comes in with a seated dropkick on Bowens for two, but he fires back with a superkick for two. Everyone fights in the ring and they go to a stalemate from that before Daddy Ass hits Andretti with a sideslam. Caster with a back elbow for two while the announcers discuss the new heel tendencies of the Acclaimed. Bowens beats Andretti down with elbows. Billy and Bowens hit a Paisan elbow on Andretti and Gunn slugs away in the corner, but he misses a blind charge and hits the post. Hot tag Dante and he hits Max with a springboard bodypress before setting up a Top Flight double-team sequence on Bowens. Andretti with a shooting star on Caster for one and then Top Flight all attacks Daddy Ass and he fights them all off. Top Flight breaks up the Scissor Me Timbers and they clear the ring and hit the Acclaimed with double topes, and Andretti hits a 450 on Caster for two. But then Max rolls him up with a handful of tights and gets the pin to retain at 9:20. Kind of a style clash to say the least. Not bad as such but it didn’t work. **1/4

Meanwhile, Hook throws out a challenge to Wheeler Yuta for World’s End.

Brian Cage v. Keith Lee

Cage tries a headlock and Keith escapes with a shoulderblock. So Cage takes him down with a headscissors. So Keith hits his own in a crazy move, but he misses a blind charge and Cage beats on him in the corner and dives onto him with a tornado DDT. Cage pounds him in the corner and follows with a running boot. Cage with a rollup into a dropkick as they’re weirdly stumbling around during the commercial break. Cage goes to a chinlock to work things out and then slams Lee, but Lee slugs back and hits him with a corner splash. Lee with a suplex for two. Cage escapes the powerbomb and comes back with a 619, but Lee goes up and Cage brings him down with a superplex. That gets two. Cage with an F5 for two. Nana finds a cinder block under the ring and does the Swerve dance to celebrate his idea, but Keith catches Cage with the powerslam to finish at 10:00. And then he promises to come to Dynamite and tear down Swerve’s house. This had some rough spots but kept doing big power moves and it ended up pretty good. ***

Meanwhile, Toni Storm continues denying all knowledge of Mariah May. But she can easily pack on 8-11 pounds to take on Riho.

Christian Cage (who is named after Jesus according to Nigel) joins us to respond to Adam Copeland. So he brings out Shana Wayne, who does a brutal promo before Christian saves it by bragging about banging Nick’s mom. And then he accepts the challenge.

Meanwhile, Big Bill and Ricky Starks blow off the Golden Jets (“Diverticulitis sounds made up. My uncle Joe has gingivitis and he’s doing just fine”) but Chris Jericho promises to find a partner and challenge for the titles after all. And UNCLE JOE SUCKS. Starks: “He doesn’t even know him.”

Continental Classic: Brody King v. Daniel Garcia

Daniel decides to smack Brody to start and that goes badly for him as he eats a cannonball for two. Brody chokes him out on the ropes and boots him to the apron, but Garcia guillotines him from out there. Brody with the sleeper drop off the apron, but Garcia beats the count at 9. So Brody hauls him back out and runs him into the railing. Back in the ring, Brody runs him into the corner, but Garcia fights back with boots. So King puts him down and follows with a senton for two. Brody pounds him with chops, but Garcia is FIRED UP. So Brody dares him to do something and Daniel throws his own chops, apparently having “the rizz”. I literally just learned from my 13 year old daughter WTF that means. It’s short for “charisma” in case you’re old like me. Brody beats him down again, but Garcia dances his way to a back suplex for two. But then Brody hits him with a death valley driver and lariat for two. Ganzo Bomb gets two. So Brody wants another one but Garcia goes dead weight and then cradles for the pin at 10:26 to play spoiler and finish with 3 points. Ah, the old Bret Hart finish. A fun David v. Goliath match. ***. But then the lights go out and the House of Black is not amused, only for FTR to make the save. So that gives us FTR v. House of Black at the PPV and that should rule.

Skye Blue & Julia Hart v. Thunder Rosa & Abadon

Skye beats on Abadon right away to start, but Abadon fires back with a slam on Julia. Skye cuts off a potential tag to Rosa and the House of Blue double-teams Abadon. Julia beats Abadon down and we get another spot with Blue cutting off the tag to Rosa to delay that since we’ve only got 7 minutes as usual and they have to build to the hot tag for Rosa. Julia with a chinlock and Skye puts the boots to Abadon, but they finally make a comeback and it’s hot tag Rosa. Rosa cleans house with double knees in the corners and a northern lights suplex on Blue for two. Skye comes back with superkicks on Rosa, but Rosa takes out Julia in the corner and finishes Skye with the Tijuana Bomb at 9:07. Rosa and Abadon had ZERO chemistry together and I know that you want to make a big deal about Rosa returning in her hometown, but this did nothing to make me want to see the Abadon-Julia title match on the PPV. *1/2. Just kind of a match overall.

Continental Classic: Eddie Kingston v. Andrade el Idolo

Winner of this goes to the finals. Tony and Kevin have also Googled “The rizz” so they can carry on a conversation with Nigel and his hip young lingo of the Tick Tock. They fight for a wristlock to start and Andrade gets a flying bodypress for two. Eddie slugs him down and goes to a facelock. They trade chops while Kevin explains the complex relationship between CMLL and Andrade, and Andrade bumps to the floor off an Eddie chop. Back in, Eddie goes to a chinlock, but Andrade dropkicks the knee and gives us a ticket to the gun show. Andrade with the rolling suplexes, which gets two. Andrade goes up and Eddie boots him on the way down, but hurts his own knee in the process. Eddie keeps coming with the Kobashi chops and an exploder for two. To the floor and Andrade hits him with a moonsault to the floor, and back in for a moonsault that gets two. Andrade with the Idolo DDT, but Eddie fights out of it and hits a backdrop suplex for two. Andrade fires back with the spinning elbow and falls on top for two, and then goes to the figure-four. Eddie immediately makes the ropes to escape and holy cow their timekeeping game is ON POINT. The time calls have been exactly right on this show. And then Eddie this the Northern Lights bomb out of nowhere and advances to the finals at 15:44. ***1/2

So on Dynamite we’ve got Bryan Danielson v. Eddie Kingston for the Blue finals, and Swerve v. Mox v. White for the Gold.

Not as good as Dynamite this week, but the crowd was pretty hot and I’m glad the Continental Classic was a thing because it gave the show a definite direction that had been lacking as of late.