The SmarK Rant for AEW Collision – 05.08.25

The SmarK Rant for AEW Collision – 05.08.25

Well this is weird having something to review on a Thursday night.

Live from Detroit, MI

Your hosts are Tony Schiavone & Nigel McGuinness

Timeless Toni Storm joins us to start, popping up in the “little balcony gimmick” as Taz put it. Toni notes that so many men have taken a shot at her there that she feels like Abraham Lincoln. So then she describes starting out young in wrestling and taking on one at a time, two at a time, and getting watched by perverts night after night. And she’s not waiting for another title defense, so LINE ‘EM UP next week and “spit on it and sit on it” so she can get going again.

Meanwhile, Paragon is disappointed in their performance against FTR last week, but the Grizzled Young Veterans interrupt and they want to be first in line for the next match. I honestly had no idea that the Vets were still around.

Ricochet v. Angelico

Zach Gowen is at ringside weirdly random cameo. I also didn’t realize Angelico was still employed. Ricochet takes him down with a crucifix for two and Angelico reverses to an armbar while Nigel points out that Ric’s baldness is a deliberate lifestyle choice. Angelico goes for an abdominal stretch and Ricochet bails to the apron to escape and tosses a chair at Serpentico while we take a break. Back with Angelico hitting a uranage on Ricochet for a double down and they slug it out. Angelico keeps mocking the baldness and takes him down with Konnan’s Tequila Sunrise, but actually painful looking this time. Ricochet makes the ropes, and necks him to set up a springboard clothesline for two. And the Spirit Gun finishes at 9:20. This was fine, mostly just an extended squash. **

Afterwards, Ricochet goes on a rant about the stupid fans and how he beat all the AEW legends, and then calls out Zach Gowen, who used to get his ass beat by Brock up and down the aisle. So security steps in to protect Gowen, and Ricochet takes them out and gives one of them a haircut. So Gowen heads in and makes the save for the guy, but Ricochet kicks the literal one-legged man in the good leg and hits him with the Spirit Gun before stealing his other leg. Now that’s some quality heel work. This man is a DOUCHE and proud of it.

The Don Callis Family v. The Outrunners, AR Fox & Bandido

Bandido starts with Fletcher and takes him down with a headscissors, so EVIL TRENT comes in and slugs Bandido down to take over. RPG Vice double-teams him, but Fox comes in and runs wild on the heels. Outrunners double-team Rocky and run the Vice into each other, but Archer interrupts the bicep elbow and chokeslams them as we take a break. Back with Truth cradling Kyle for two and it’s back to Bandido, who sends Fletcher to the floor. The heels all pile up on the aisle and Fox does a crazy dive off the shoulders of his partners, and then Bandido hits another dive onto them. Back in the ring, the Outrunners finally hit their double elbow and Bandido gets the frog splash on Fletcher for two. Archer saves and Bandido tries the 21 Plex, but Fletcher escapes and hits him with a slam. Fox comes in and runs wild again and flips all over the damn place, hitting cutters on the heels as the crowd goes nuts. But then Fletcher cuts him off with a high knee, so Fox hits RPG Vice with a double cutter and goes up again, only for Archer to fling him off, and then Trent and Rocky debut their new Jackal Driver to finish him off at 11:30. This was a PARTY MATCH and it overdelivered to a huge degree thanks to AR Fox being out of his mind. ***1/2

Next week: Zach Gowen returns to the ring to face Ricochet? Come on, man, they’ve got so many guys on ice as it is, do we need to be giving TV spots to gimmick wrestlers from 20 years ago? Hopefully Vince doesn’t file a complaint with the Illinois Athletic Commission to stop the match, like he tried to do with Kerry Von Erich in 1988.

Anthony Bowens v. Lee Johnson

Not a fan of the “5 tool player” stuff because it doesn’t really translate to wrestling. The Pride of AEW gimmick is better for him. Johnson gets some cheapshots and runs away, running into Billy Gunn in the process, and that allows Bowens to run him into the railing. Back in the ring, Bowens hits the fameasser and adds a spinning faceplant for one. But then Johnson tosses him out and follows with a dive that mostly misses. Back in the ring, Bowens with the kick combo to put him down again, and after dealing with Blake Christian, he finishes with the Mollywop at 4:30. Nice little squash for Bowens, who really needs the solid wins to break free of the tag team label. **

The Gates of Agony join us, throwing out a challenge to Big Bill and Bryan Keith for TONIGHT IN THIS VERY RING. I don’t mind the Gates when they’re dressing and talking like normal people instead of Temu Bloodline. So the Learning Tree answers and they get into a brawl, which leads to Keith going through two tables by the ramp via a powerbomb, and Liona spears Bill through another pair of tables on the other side.

Kris Statlander v. Willow Nightingale

Statlander goes for the headlock and Willow throws her off and BOOPS her. Deep cut. So Kris gets a crossbody and mocks Willow in return, and it gets mean with a slugfest as some kind of spider appears to crawl down the screen. OK that was a tad creepy. Statlander puts her down with a big boot for two, and they trade cradles for two. Willow pounces her out of the ring, which is appropriate since Monty Brown was apparently hanging around backstage. Hey, he’s from 2003, maybe they can give him a TV match too! They fight on the floor and Statlander gets a suplex on the floor as we take a break. Back with them throwing clotheslines at each other until they both go down, and they trade running shots in the corners before Willow spinebusters her for two. They trade takedowns and reverse cradles for two, and Kris gets an axe kick for two. Willow with the death valley driver for two. They fight to the top and Kris brings her down with a superplex. But Willow pops up with the discus lariat and powerbombs Statlander, sending her to the floor in the process. But this brings out Marina to choke out Willow while Yuta takes the ref, and Kris finishes with Staturday Night Fever at 12:20 as a result. Hell of a fast paced TV match here. ***1/2

Meanwhile, Skye Blue returns next week!

Konosuke Takeshita & Josh Alexander v. The Dark Order

This goes about as well for the Dark Order as you’d expect, with the Callis guys smashing Evil Uno on the floor and then double-teaming Alex Reynolds in the ring. Uno manages to get a tag, but Takeshita quickly hits Reynolds with the Blue Thunder bomb and Josh finishes with a package piledriver at 2:24.

Meanwhile, we recap the MJF-MVP saga.

Mike Bailey v. Dralistico

Bailey hits him with kicks to send him to the floor while Tony shills for some kind of energy drink that’s without caffeine or stimulants. Is it just water? Because it might as well be. Do they even make drinks without caffeine? IF THEY DO I DON’T WANT TO KNOW. Dralistico hits a rana off the stairs and kicks Bailey’s head into the stairs as we take a break. Back with Speedball hitting a crazy series of kicks to make a comeback and the running shooting star gets two. Falcon arrow and he goes up for the 450, but misses, and Dralistico cradles for two. Bailey cradles for two, but Dralistico gets the crucifix bomb, and Bailey responds with a destroyer. Dralistico counters a charge with a spinning kick and they head to the apron, where Bailey hits him with a backflip kneedrop, and then back in for the spinning kick to finish at 8:49. That brings out Rush to follow up for Dynamite and they have words. Short but crazy. ***1/4

Daniel Garcia v. A Member of FTR

Not sure why they couldn’t just advertise Dax Harwood. Nigel clarifies that FTR have always been wankers but just hid it really well for a while. Dax slugs him down in the corner, but Garcia fights back with chops and Dax puts him down with a neckbreaker and tries the piledriver. Garcia bails to escape that and catapults Dax into the post, busting him open. Danny follows with running boots into the railing until Cash begs for mercy, allowing Dax to clothesline Garcia to take over. Back in the ring, Garcia gets the Dragon tamer, but Cash pulls him out of the ring with a draping DDT, prompting Daddy Magic to run out and take care of Wheeler as we take a break. Back with Dax putting the boots to Garcia, but Danny fights back with chops and slugs away in the corner. Dax pulls off the turnbuckle while trying to fight off a suplex, but Garcia hits it anyway for two. Dax escapes the Tamer again and shoves Garcia into the steel buckle, and the slingshot powerbomb off that gets two. They fight to the top and Garcia brings him down with a superplex, and hangs on in order to put Dax back on top for ANOTHER superplex. And he still hangs on, setting up a THIRD superplex and it’s a double down. That’s a unique sequence for sure. That gets two. They head to the floor again and brawl into the crowd, where Dax goes after Nigel again, hitting him with a pair of cheapshots despite Nigel’s claims of being retired. Back in the ring, Stokely runs interference and Dax goes low, but Nigel heads to the ring and attacks Dax for the DQ at 17:02. Ending felt like kind of a wet fart after the great match they were having. Why can’t Dax just do the job? ***1/2

Didn’t like this one quite as much as Dynamite, but if you’re looking for an easy show to watch with a ton of good wrestling matches, you can’t go wrong with this one.