The SmarK Rant for AEW Collision – 01.04.25

The SmarK Rant for AEW Collision – 01.04.25

Live from Charlotte, NC, and simulcast on MAX, which means nothing outside of the US, but it was on the USA Network in Canada. Because TV deals are weird.

Your hosts are Tony Schiavone & Nigel McGuiness

The pre-show promos are back! And Elton John!

TNT title: Daniel Garcia v. Mark Briscoe

Nigel promises not to say anything mean about Mark Briscoe and then accuses him of being able to hide his own Easter eggs. They trade headlocks and have a standoff as Briscoe wants to take it to the floor and Garcia wisely stays in the ring. Danny takes him down and tries a leglock while Nigel puts over Chris-ti-an Cage as the greatest TNT champion of all time in addition to his title as World’s Greatest Father, and they battle to another stalemate. They trade chops in the corner and Briscoe gets a suplex for one, but Garcia hits him with rolling neckbreakers for two. Garcia goes up, however, and Briscoe punches him to the floor and finally gets his brawl going, hitting him with a blockbuster to the floor. Tony putting over the first year of AEW on MAX brings up an interesting point, as I’ve been trying the garbage TSN Plus streaming service up here and it actually has the entire AEW TV catalog available for streaming. They fight on the floor and Mark beats on him with chops, but Garcia gets a half crab in the ring. They fight to the apron and slug it out before fighting for a suplex in the ring, which results in them both bumping to the floor off that.

Back in the ring, Danny tries a piledriver, but falls victim to REDNECK KUNG FU and they slug it out. Garcia with a side suplex, but Briscoe pops up with a lariat for the double down. Danny fights up and Briscoe hits him with another lariat and follows with a brainbuster for two. Powerbomb gets two. Danny tries slugging back again but that only annoys Briscoe, who fires back with his own chops and forearms. Garcia with a shotgun dropkick and he slugs away in the corner, setting up a piledriver for two. Danny escapes the Jay Driller and rolls him into the Dragon Tamer, but Mark makes the ropes. They fight to the top and Briscoe puts him down for a froggy bow, which gets two. Jay Driller gets two as Garcia gets his foot on the ropes and gives the crowd a heart attack. Danny escapes the Cutthroat Driver, however, and gets the jackknife cradle for the pin at 18:27 to retain. Crowd wasn’t thrilled with that but Briscoe is a good sport and puts him over afterwards. Tremendous opener. ***1/2

Meanwhile, Wheeler Yuta has words for Jay White, but Moxley cuts off his rant and wants to talk about FTR and their disrespect instead.

Jeff Jarrett v. Aaron Solo

Solo attacks and does some strutting, but JJ quickly makes a comeback and boots him down for his own strutting, before hitting a pair of Strokes to finish at 1:29.

AEW World tag team title: Private Party v. Lio Rush & Action Andretti

They quickly fight on the floor and Tony notes “That’s what you call clubbering!” from Private Party. Nigel: “Maybe if you didn’t finish high school”. Rush 2 Action double-teams Zay back in the ring and they hit him with a double suplex for two. Action trades chops with Zay in the corner and hits him with a corner dropkick for two. Double suplex out of the corner as Rush comes in and puts the boots to Zay, and a back suplex gets two. He rolls Zay over to the corner and tries to tag out with his foot, but the ref won’t allow that, so the heels take out their frustrations on Zay and Andretti gets an arrogant cover for two. Rush with a corner clothesline, but Zay fights them off and dives for a tag, only for Andretti to knock Quen off the apron and cut him off. Zay fights them off again with a spinebuster on Andretti, and it’s hot tag Quen. He hits a death valley driver on Rush, dropping him on Action for two. They set up for Gin & Juice, but Quen’s back gives out and Zay has to go it alone. But that allows Rush to hit a cutter on Zay and Andretti takes Quen off the top with a Spanish fly, and they do their own Gin & Juice on Zay for two. Meanwhile Top Flight is sitting ringside and throwing popcorn at them, so everyone stops and does a slugfest in the middle. Double clothesline and both teams are down. Rush tries the springboard stunner, but he gets sent to the floor and taken out by Zay. Quen hits them both with a somersault dive from the top, and back in for a Hardy tribute from Private Party that gets two on Rush. Zay fights them both off and tries a sunset flip on Andretti, but Action grabs the ropes for two, only for Dante Martin to break it up and allow Zay to finish the move for the pin at 14:00. Thought this was going to be a crazy spotfest party match, but it was just a rock solid tag team formula match instead, with a few high flying spots mixed in. ***

Meanwhile, COPE assures Jon Moxley that he does want the AEW World title and “won’t hide it in a kangaroo pouch” like some other people. Chris Jericho interrupts and COPE reminisces about their relationship and then calls him an asshole, so Jericho notes that COPE is a DOPE for the sick burn.

Toni Storm v. Deonna Purrazzo

Yes, Toni makes her debut on Collision, although the graphic has a typo and says she’s 8-0 for some reason. Nigel has a really good amnesia joke but he forgot the punchline, sadly. They fight over the wristlock and do a double-bridge, but Deonna bitterly slaps her for some reason and puts the boots to her in the corner. Toni fights back and chases Deonna to the floor, where Taya gets in her face, allowing Deonna to hit her with a baseball slide. Back in the ring, Deonna gets a clothesline for two and then Taya gets more abuse on the floor, and back in for a draping DDT from Purrazzo that gets two. Deonna goes to the chinlock while Tony clarifies that he’s more of a Def Leppard fan than a Motley Crue fan. Fun fact: Def Lep is actually headlining a country music festival here in Saskatchewan later this year. I don’t know why. Toni comes back with the hip attack for two, but Deonna suplexes her and kicks her down for two. She tries the armbar on the mat but Toni gets the ropes right away and they slug it out. Toni with a DDT for two. She goes after Taya and takes her out, and then cradles Deonna for the huge upset pin at 9:28. What a rookie year she’s having! Maybe topped only by the Outrunners. **1/2

Meanwhile, Hangman Page yells at Chris Daniels for not actually being there for him at World’s End, and then goes with the really mean putdown of calling him an old man who should have hung it up years before he did. But then he turns his back and Daniels attacks him and beats him down, apparently wanting a war. Hope he’s got fire insurance.

Meanwhile, after Dynamite, Anthony Bowens walks away from an interview, and Max Caster brushes off his loss as a 2-on-1 attack.

$100,000 High Speed Challenge: The Beast Mortos v. Komander v. Brian Cage v. Dante Martin

With $3.5 million a week coming from WBD, Tony Khan can easily afford that bill. Everyone goes right after Mortos and chases him out of the ring like COWARDS, and then we get stereo dives from Komander and Dante. Back in the ring, they trade cradles for two and then Mortos just blasts them both with headbutts to end that. Komander dumps him and hits a flying corkscrew dive onto him outside, and then Dante dives onto the pile himself, but that allows Lio Rush to hit the ring and get some revenge from earlier. Back in the ring, Mortos gets a samoan drop on Komander, but Cage breaks it up and hits a pumphandle slam on Mortos to set up a MEAT battle in the corner. Cage is turning into a swollen Steve Blackman more every day. Cage beats on Komander and whips him into the corner before adding more abuse onto Dante Martin outside while he recovers. Back in the ring, Cage slugs it out with Mortos some more and chokes him out in the corner. Incredible one-armed press slam on Komander and he follows with a german suplex on Mortos. Komander makes the comeback with a faceplant on Mortos and he goes up with a crazy springboard on Mortos, but Cage faceplants him as Dante comes back in the ring finally and suplexes Komander. Mortos with a double-knee gutbuster on Dante and he heads to the apron, but Cage suplexes him back into the ring. Komander with a poison rana on Mortos, but Cage slams him to set up an F5. Dante saves and Cage smashes him to set up Weapon X to finish at 9:37. Weird mix of guys and it wasn’t really any faster than normal speed, but it mostly worked. ***

Meanwhile, FTR meets up with the Rock N Roll Express, but THE OUTRUNNERS interrupt and demand gas money from 1982 before burying the hatchet. RNR sure dodged a bullet there. Hey, remember when they were doing a whole storyline with FTR and the Outrunners seemingly leading up to something and then just dropped it cold? Good times.

FTR & COPE v. Chris Jericho, Bryan Keith & Big Bill

COPE hits Keith with a dropkick and FTR double-teams him in the corner, so it’s over to Big Bill. He slugs Dax in the corner, but Dax takes him down and wraps the leg around the post. So Bill gets annoyed and smashes both FTR, chokeslamming Dax onto Cash to take over for the Learning Tree. The Tree works on Cash in the corner and Jericho beats on him with clotheslines and goes up with a rana off the top. Bryan Keith with a backrake and double stomp for two. Cash powerslams him and makes the hot tag to COPE, setting up showdown with Jericho, but COPE survives a chop battle and drops him with a flapjack. It’s BREAKING LOOSE IN TULSA and Bill powerbombs Dax and sends Wheeler to the floor, allowing Jericho to roll up COPE for two. COPE comes back with the Implant DDT, but Jericho counters the spear with a codebreaker for two. So it’s time for COPE-in-peril as the Learning Tree chokes him out in the corner. Cash gets another hot tag and hits Bill with dropkicks, but can’t knock him down, so he goes up with a flying bodypress for two. Tornado DDT gets two. FTR tries setting up Bill for a superplex, but he fights them off, so they go with a triple PowerPlex instead, and that gets two. Bill fights off all three guys and hits Dax with a spinning slam for two. Bill misses a charge and hits the post, so Jericho tags in and Dax hits him with a brainbuster for two. Keith saves, so Dax takes him down with a sharpshooter, and Jericho puts Cash in the Walls and they have a mean mugging contest while staring each other down. Bill breaks that up, so COPE spears him off the apron and follows with a dive. STOP DIVING OFF HIGH PLACES. Cash gets another dive on Bill while Dax slugs it out with Jericho in the ring, but he goes up and Keith pushes him off with an ROH belt shot. Jericho gets two off that. Dax cradles Jericho for two. Lionsault misses and the Shatter Machine sets up the spear from COPE for the pin at 16:41. Pretty enjoyable main event. ***1/4.

And then we finish with the most deplorable act of any heel ever, as the Death Riders have the Rock N Roll Express held captive backstage, and then make the mistake of attacking the GODDAMN OUTRUNNERS when they make the save, before running away in terror of what might happen to them. Those sons of bitches just started a war they’re not gonna be able to win, by god. Chuck Norris once thought about attacking the Outrunners and got a beatdown by them in his own imagination so bad it put him in the hospital for a week. The Death Riders better shine up those Trios titles all nice and get the jetski sideplates ready for the transition right now.

Good show this week, even though I missed the original airing because my DVR sucks ass.