The SmarK Rant for AEW All Out 2024 – 09.07.24

The SmarK Rant for AEW All Out 2024 – 09.07.24

Working late on Saturday night so I turned it into a Sunday PPV. I’ve also been staying completely radio silent on social media in case anything notable happened so I’m not spoiled.

Live from Chicago, IL

Your hosts are Excalibur, Daddy Magic, Nigel McGuinness & Tony Schiavone

Daniel Garcia v. MJF

Garcia attacks before the bell and goes right after the neck, but MJF stomps him down in the corner, so Daniel fires back with a dropkick to put Max on the apron. Back in, MJF necks him and follows with a neckbreaker before running him into the corner. Daniel fights back and MJF necks him on the top rope again and chokes him out to cut him off. Max goes for the neck again and uses a cravat this time, popping William Regal wherever he is now, and then turns it into a 187 DDT for two. Max with a delayed suplex, so delayed they should call it Trump’s sentencing, and they both bump to the floor off that for a double down. Garcia beats the count at nine and makes the comeback with a lariat and swinging neckbreaker series. Max backdrops out of a piledriver, and blocks a rana with the powerbomb on the knee for two. So Garcia is busted open and MJF puts him on the top for a tombstone, but Garcia rips at the face to escape and brings him down with a diving DDT from the top, which gets two. Garcia goes for another piledriver, but Max reverses into a Panama Sunrise for two. Danny gets FIRED UP and makes the comeback, but MJF cuts him off again, so Danny takes him down with a cradle and they trade near falls for two. Danny with a rollup for two and Max reverses that for two, so Garcia hits a german suplex and lariat for a double down. Garcia goes for a piledriver, still going for the neck, but MJF reverses to a Boston crab and Garcia reverses to a Lebell Lock. MJF counters him into a crossface, but Garcia reverses that to a Sharpshooter. And then MJF counters out to the armbar and then ties up Garcia with a crazy submission hold by the ropes. Garcia makes the ropes with his one remaining free limb, but Max goes up for another Panama Sunrise, and Danny collapses before he can hit it. Garcia catches a quick one for two and makes the comeback with chops before sinking in the guillotine. But he wants to go for blood, so he switches to a piledriver instead, for two. So they head back to the top again and Danny tries another piledriver, but MJF fights out of that and goes low behind the ref’s back for the pin at 23:56. OK that was 100% messed up and the ref just called it as a shoot because Garcia didn’t kick out. An epic big fight match with a really terrible finish. ****1/4. Afterwards, Max fakes a handshake, but Danny kicks him in the nuts and gets his top rope piledriver to get some revenge. That salvaged it a bit but the finish really sucked the life out of the crowd in the moment. Logically, Garcia looking like such a geek on Wednesday should have led to him going over here, but maybe they’re playing the really long game with him.

AEW World tag team title: The Young Bucks v. Claudio Castagnoli & Wheeler Yuta

Wheeler trades wristlocks with Nick and takes him down with a senton for two while Nigel gets a funny line about how the BCC walks in a line and looks like a chart of human evolution. Over to Matt, but the BCC double-teams him in their corner and works the leg and crotch. Yuta with an atomic drop, but he misses a charge and the Bucks double on him in their corner to take over. Neckbreaker gets two for Matt as Tony trolls Nigel to the extreme by claiming Yuta was the man who put the ROH Pure title on the map. Nick with a slingshot legdrop for two. Claudio gets the hot tag and runs wild with forearms in the corner before chasing them to the floor for more abuse out there. Back in with a crossbody on Matt for two. Bucks try to cut him off in the corner, but that backfires on them and Yuta puts Matt in the Seat Belt for two. Yuta with a german suplex on Matt for two and he turns it into Cattle Mutilation, but Nick makes the save and takes Claudio out on the floor with a rana. Bucks double-team Yuta with the facebuster for two. Claudio breaks up More Bang for Your Buck and Yuta cradles Matt for two, but Bucks cut off Claudio with an EVP Trigger for two. Yuta makes the save, so the Bucks toss him and pump up the shoes for the SUPERKICK PARTY, but Claudio catches the knees on the EVP Trigger and suplexes them both. Giant Swing on Matt gets two. BCC goes for the finish, but the Bucks throw superkicks to break up the Fastball Special. Claudio with a superplex on Matt, but Matt gets his knees up to block the Fastball and pins Yuta at 15:55 to retain. This was good but the crowd was pretty dead for most of it and they struggled to get them back. Also no one in the arena believes that the BCC have any chance to win the titles. ***1/4. It’s time to just find someone else to put the titles on, and get away from the Bucks/FTR/Acclaimed trio. Maybe try the Gunns again or an even younger and more vascular team as something totally different for the division.

AEW international title: Will Ospreay v. Pac

The crowd is super hype for the staredown, so Pac walks away from it. Pac takes him down with a headlock and they trade gymnastic reversals. Pac tries a springboard dropkick and Ospreay counters him with his own dropkick, and then tosses him and follows with a Sky Twister Press to the floor. Back in the ring for a double down while Rick O’Shea watches in the back, but they slug it out and trade chops. Pac chokes him out in the corner and they fight to the top, with Pac bringing him down with a brainbuster for two. Pac with a headlock, which Nigel points out once beat Bryan Danielson, but Ospreay sends him to the floor and follows with the SPACE FLYING TIGER DROP. Back in for the corkscrew kick, which gets two. Ospreay goes up and Pac cuts him off, but he tries a moonsault and Ospreay catches him…only for Pac to turn it into a crazy DDT and powerbomb for two. Ospreay with a Spanish fly for two. Pac blocks the Ozcutter with a tombstone, but Ospreay reverses to a facebuster. Pac ducks the Hidden Blade, but another Ozcutter puts Pac down for two. Ospreay offers up a free shot and Pac slugs away on him, but Will takes the shots and kicks him down again. Pac retreats to the apron and Will superkicks him, but Pac blocks a cutter with a german suplex on the apron, THE HARDEST PART OF THE RING. Pac adds a poison rana out there for another crazy bump from Ospreay, and back in the ring for the Brutalizer before Will makes the ropes. Pac boots him down in the corner and goes up for the Black Arrow, but Will gets the knees up and cradles for two. Hidden Blade is countered with a backslide for two. Pac with a german suplex, and they do a crazy reversal with Ospreay trying a powerbomb and Pac flipping into a rana in mid-move for two. Pac with another poison rana for two. Another Brutalizer, but Ospreay fights out of that and hits his own poison rana and Hidden Blade for an incredibly hot two. Pac cuts off the Ozcutter and tries a top rope poison rana while Nigel pleads “please don’t die”, but Will lands on his feet and hits another Hidden Blade for two. Ozcutter sets up the Tiger Driver, but Pac counters to a rana for two, and Ospreay rolls him into a Styles Clash and Hidden Blade to retain at 20:34. Well this was as batshit crazy as promised. *****

Chicago Street Fight: Willow Nightingale v. Kris Statlander

Willow immediately hits a pounce and powerbombs Kris into the corner, and a cannonball gets two. To the apron, and Kris tries a german suplex off the apron and then opts to powerbomb her through the Spanish table instead. Stat finds a table a tries a swanton onto that, but Willow moves and Kris goes through it on the floor instead. Willow with another pounce, through the railing this time, and they fight up to the entrance, where Kris comes back with a suplex. Stokely brings a trash can full of plunder for Kris, and Stat uses that and finds a barbed wire baseball bat. So Willow smashes some light tubes on her, but Statlander fires up and spears her off the stage and through a table. Back to the ring, they slug it out, but Kris slams her and Willow pops up with her down slam for a double down. Willow is up first and finds a chain, battering Statlander’s cut forehead, but Kris suplexes her. Next up, she finds the bag of thumbtacks, but ends up doing the splits on them. Ouch. Willow with a death valley driver onto the tacks, and that gets two. They fight to the top and Statlander brings her down with a Spanish fly, and follows with a chain lariat for two. That wasn’t enough chain so Kris finds a Russian chain under the ring and now they’re lashed together. Willow comes back with a spinebuster on the tacks and they slug it out, but Statlander gets a tombstone and uses the chain to choke her out for the win at 15:00. Well this way overdelivered and was a ton of fun. ****

Meanwhile, Will Ospreay offers Pac a rematch and welcomes Ricochet to the show, telling him to go start racking up some wins so he can get a title shot too.

Continental title: Kazuchika Okada v. Mark Briscoe v. Orange Cassidy v. Konosuke Takeshita

We get a tease of Takeshita and Okada, but Orange breaks that up and takes them both down with a rana. DDT on Okada only gets one. Briscoe slugs it out with Takeshita and they trade corner clotheslines and chops. Orange and Briscoe team up to clear the ring of Japanese people before hitting them with dives and Orange adds the world’s laziest Cactus elbow. Back in the ring, they both get two, and then decide to switch places and also get two. Okada hits everyone with suplexes, as does Takeshita, and it turns into a whole wacky run with everyone doing vertical suplexes over and over. Orange goes up after winning the suplex battle, but Okada dropkicks him down to the floor and Takeshita hits him with a dive, followed by Briscoe hitting his own. Back in the ring for a vicious chop battle between Briscoe and Orange that turns into a slugfest until Okada and Takeshita clear the ring and try to settle their own business. Okada with the dropkick, but Takeshita counters the Rainmaker into the Blue Thunder Bomb for two. Orange dives in with a DDT attempt, but Takeshita catches him and powers him up for a superplex. But Briscoe pops in with a froggy ‘bow for two to break it up. Okada goes up with his own elbowdrop on Briscoe and fakes out the pose, but Takeshita clears the ring and destroys Orange with a german suplex, but Jay saves a goes up for another froggy ‘bow that misses. Takeshita with the power drive knee on Mark for two, but Orange saves that and hits the Beach Break on Takeshita. Takeshita counters the Orange Punch with a lariat, but Okada clears the ring and hits Briscoe with the Rainmaker, and Orange rolls up Okada for two. Rainmaker on Orange finishes at 15:00 and Okada retains. Takeshita continues to look like a friggin’ megastar and they need to get to that singles match with Okada soon. Okada putting Orange down with the Rainmaker was really the only finish they could do. A very fun match but not like a show stealer or anything, more like a solid Collision main event that probably didn’t warrant being on PPV. ***1/2

TBS title: Mercedes Mone v. Hikaru Shida

They trade dropkicks and Shida goes for a submission hold early, but Mone makes the ropes. So Shida goes back to the leg and dropkicks her to the apron for a kneelift. Back in, Mercedes brings her in with a sunset bomb for two and beats on her with kicks in the corner before going to a chinlock. Taz gets all worked up about Tony “calling wrestling matches for 600 years over here” before Tony corrects him to 559. Shida fights out of that, so Mone hits her with double knees in the corner for two. Mone with another chinlock and Shida makes a comeback and slugs away in the corner. Mone takes her down with a crossface, but Shida makes the ropes and hits a lariat for a double down. Shida pounds her down and goes up, but Mone hits a codebreaker and sunset bomb into the corner to set up the running knees for two. Mone with the suplexes and she goes up for a frog splash, but Shida gets the knees up and follows with a falcon arrow NOT ONCE NOT TWICE BUT THRICE and gets two. Mone with the backstabber, but Shida gets the running knee for two. Shida with the Kitana kick as Mone barely knows how to sell it and I don’t know what the hell is going on with her tonight. That gets two and Mone bails to the floor, but Shida grabs the kendo stick and really wants to use it for some reason. But she changes her mind and misses the double knees, allowing Mercedes to take out the knee and hit her shitty Moneymaker to finish at 16:40. Y’all were giving me shit about the Baker match, but see, THIS was a complete disaster of a match. They just weren’t on the same page at all and Mone was having trouble figuring out how to take any of Shida’s offense for some reason. *1/2. God bless the crowd for not turning on this thing completely.

AEW World title: Bryan Danielson v. Jack Perry

See now this wouldn’t have flown as the main event of the show, but Swerve v. Hangman was so strong as the real main event that this is fine underneath. Jack manages to take him down and flexes his alleged muscles, but Danielson chases him to the floor. Back in the ring, they do the test of strength and Danielson suplexes him out of that and SWEEPS THE LEG to set up a Romero special before sending him to the floor for a baseball slide and springboard dive. Pretty spry for a guy with a destroyed neck. Speaking of which, Perry traps him on the apron and goes after the neck before putting him in a chair and dropkicking him into the railing. Back in, that gets two. Perry with a corner clothesline and a neckbreaker for two as he goes to work on the neck. Perry starts a chop battle and loses that, so he rakes the face instead. They fight to the top and Bryan brings Jack down with a backdrop superplex, which was probably just as bad on his own neck. Bryan with the Yes kicks and Perry counters into a cradle for two, but Bryan bridges up and switches him into a Lebell Lock in a nice bit of pro graps.

Jack makes the ropes to escape that. Bryan beats on him in the corner, but Perry outsmarts the knee and takes Bryan down with his own Cattle Mutilation. Bryan powers out of that, so Jack hits a dragon suplex to drop Danielson on his neck. To the apron for more of that, but Bryan uses the ropes to block it and they slug it out until Bryan takes him to the floor with a butterfly suplex in a mean looking bump. The crowd notes “You deserve it”. Back in the ring, Bryan drops a flying knee on the arm and then starts throwing kicks at the arm to show Perry what it means to be a tough guy. Jack escapes another knee and takes Bryan down in the Snare Trap. Danielson makes the ropes and Perry reminds the ref that he has until FIVE while the crowd cries him a river. Perry with a lariat, but Bryan gets the small package for two. I’ve heard he’s good at it. Bryan with the bu saiku knee, but Perry pulls the ref into the way and wipes him out, at which point the Elite starts running in. The Bucks hit him with the TK Driver, but the BCC makes the save and chases them off. Perry hits the running knee out of that, but it only gets two. So Perry decides to kick Bryan’s head in, but he gets cocky and runs into a bu saiku knee that sends him flying into the ropes with a hilarious bump. Perry starts another slugfest he can’t finish and realizes that too late, as Bryan no-sells his shots and beats him down. Perry misses his knee and Bryan gets his own for two. “Well, time to kick his head in” notes Tony nonchalantly. So Bryan does so, thoroughly, and Perry dares him to hit the knee. So Bryan also does so, and pins him at 28:00 to retain. I think they thought Perry would have nuclear heat in Chicago, but that wasn’t really the case at all. Still a great match thanks to Danielson being awesome, but this didn’t exactly change the narrative on Perry or anything. ****

But then Killswitch hits the ring and lays out Bryan as we get an awkward Jurassic Express reunion, and Christian is apparently ready to cash in his title shot. Jon Moxley shows up to prevent any of these kind of shenanigans and the BCC chases the heels off. For now. And then we learn the real reason, as Moxley and Claudio (wearing matching white shirts) turn on Bryan and Claudio tries to suffocate him with a plastic bag while Pac holds Yuta back. “This is murder”, the crowd clarifies. Well Chicago is certainly the experts on that. Well that certainly allays concerns about the BCC floating aimlessly. Also now it’s clear that Moxley wants to talk to Darby Allin so he can talk him into giving up the title shot at Grand Slam.

Lights out cage match: Hangman Page v. Swerve Strickland

Swerve and Nana decide to attack Hangman and do some damage while the cage lowers, and they slug it out in the cage before Swerve puts him down with a big boot. Page tries to run him into the cage but Swerve rolls into the flatliner and House Call kick to put him down again. Page comes back with a german suplex and reveals that he’s armed with staple guns, but Swerve has been training staple guns this time and isn’t fazed. He gets a backbreaker and we see that it wasn’t even a worked staple gun, as he has to pull the staples out of his skin before stapling a photo of his family to Hangman’s chest. And also to his face, because why not? Page goes up to escape, so Swerve pulls him down and runs him into the cage. Page crotches him on the top rope and follows with a springboard clothesline and then another one with barbed wire wrapped around his arm. Page runs him into the cage to take over and we get some cheese grater action, complete with barbed wire wrapped around the cage, and Swerve is busted open. Page wants the buckshot lariat, but the cage is blocking his way, and that allows Swerve to come back before missing a charge and hitting the cage. We’re 15:00 into this and the crowd has been shockingly quiet throughout. The ref tries to stop Hangman from using a chair, so Page abuses him and Swerve uses the opportunity to springboard off the ref and hit Page with his own buckshot lariat. And then HE uses the chair on Hangman and the ref seems to have no issue with that.

Swerve runs Page into the chair in the corner, and that gets two. Next up, Swerve finds his trusty cinder block and drops Page on that with a vertebreaker, which scuffs up Page’s back in an awful way, and that gets two. They head to the top with supportive “Please don’t die” chants from the crowd, and Swerve stomps him through the table for two. Hangman with the Deadeye, which gets two. So naturally Hangman pulls out a splinter of Swerve’s burned house and tries to stab him in the face with that, but Swerve gets it away and it is he who does the face-stabbing. Page hits him in the nuts and then gives him an absolutely terrifying powerbomb on the cinder block, and I don’t even know how you work that spot. That only gets two. Page slugs away on the cage, so Swerve powerbombs him into the cage to break that up and then hits him with a sick House Call kick into the cage. Another kick gets two. Next up, Swerve goes up to the top of the cage, but Hangman brings him down with a powerbomb from the top rope, which sets up a Deadeye for two. Swerve won’t stay down, so Hangman wants him to BEG FOR MERCY and smashes him in the head with the chair a few times. Well he can’t beg if you knock him unconscious. Hangman then STEALS THE GRILLS and pulls out a hypodermic needle, which he stabs into Swerve’s face in a gross spot, and then smashes him in the face with another chair, at which point the ref stops the damn match at 31:30. To say I did not care for this match would be an understatement, as it was just too much uncomfortable horror movie stuff and not much as a match. I can’t even really give it a proper rating, but I know I never want to watch it again. I know they felt like they had to top the Texas Death match but for me, they took it too far.

Overall, I’m very mixed on this one. There were enough classic matches to warrant a recommendation, but the main event really left a bad taste in my mouth. The Danielson match was really good but not in Bryan’s top tier or anything. And the plastic bag shit kind of ruined that one for me in a lot of ways, as well. That’s a spot wrestling doesn’t need to make a comeback. Teasing someone getting hit with a splinter of wood, or a powerbomb on a cinderblock, or a needle in the face….that’s all effective ways to build heat for something else during the match. But actually DOING those things? Bad idea. It leads down a bad road.

I feel like this will probably be a polarizing show and this was definitely the first one in a long time for me where I didn’t come out thinking “Man, they hit that one out of the park”. I’ll go thumbs in the middle, leaning up.