The SmarK Rant ECW Wrestling on TNN – 09.08.00

The SmarK Rant for ECW Wrestling on TNN – 09.08.00

Four episodes left.

Taped from the Hammerstein Ballroom in New York

Your hosts are Joey Styles & Joel Gertner. But just after Joel does his limerick, Cyrus hits the ring after being gone for about the past month and gleefully announces that the show is CANCELLED. This prompts the crowd to chant “USA”, but sorry, crowd, that ain’t happening. So Cyrus tells Joel to take a swing at him after all these months but knows he won’t because all New Yorkers are gutless. Joey tries to hold Joel back while Cyrus eggs him on, but then Paul Heyman has finally had enough and comes out to smash the phone on Cyrus’s head and FINALLY pay this off somehow. But then Rhino hits the ring, sets up a table, and puts Paul through it. And then Cyrus continues attacking New York until some guy runs out of the audience and gets clocked by security, prompting a gigantic brawl with everyone in the dressing room all hitting the ring and slugging it out.

ECW World TV title: Rhino v. Kid Kash

So out of all the chaos, Rhino defends against Kash as everyone clears out finally. Rhino beats on Kash in the corner, but Sandman now hits the ring and destroys Rhino with the cane, chasing him to the floor. Kash hits Rhino with a dive to the outside, a back in with a flying rana, but Rhino no-sells it and spears Kash. But then RVD hits the ring, hits Rhino with the Van Daminator and a Van Terminator, and then sends Kid Kash to the top for a frog splash and legdrop combination, and Kid Kash is the new TV champion. Not for long of course but it was a nice touch having basically the entire locker room turn on Rhino and cost him the title after months of him terrorizing the company.

Meanwhile, The Sinister Minister, who hasn’t slept since 1972, walks Times Square with his team and discusses all the thoughts he’s been cultivating. Tajiri suddenly speaks Spanish as well, but the Minister thinks this is totally normal and expected.

The Blue Boyv. Ballz Mahoney

WAIT WAIT WAIT. WAIT A GODDAMN MINUTE. You mean to tell me that these two were in the same promotion at the same time with those names and NO ONE HAD THEM TEAM UP???? That leaves me feeling very frustrated in a way I can’t put my finger on. Ballz beats on Blue Boy in the corner while the crowd amuses themselves by razzing Jasmine at ringside, but Blue Boy slams him for two and thumbs him in the eye while trying to keep his stylish pants up. Ballz comes back with a lariat and a spinebuster for two. Jasmine takes the ref and allows Blue Boy to slug on Ballz in the corner, but Ballz grabs a chair and puts him out at 4:00. And then poor Jasmine gets destroyed as well and put onto Blue Boy in a compromising position. This was a fun match although it was basically a squash.

Meanwhile, on the other show that isn’t cancelled yet, CW Anderson upsets Jerry Lynn with the help of the crooked ref.

Meanwhile, we stop by a club in New York, where the bouncer (wearing an ECW shirt) is so tough that he throws a guy out and pulls off his prosthetic leg to teach him a lesson. I’m assuming the bouncer was supposed to be a wrestler?

ECW World tag team title: Mikey Whipwreck & Tajiri v. The FBI

This is apparently the last chance for Tony Mamaluke to “make his bones” and if they don’t win the titles, the FBI is done. Apparently FOREVER because ECW adheres to their stipulations! Yeah OK. Joel does some repurposed “Yo Mama” jokes about Sal while Tony takes Mikey down with a short arm scissors and a german suplex for two. Mikey hits him with a faceplant and it’s over to Tajiri, as he trades takedowns with Guido and they fight to a stalemate. The FBI double-teams Tajiri, but Mikey comes in and they hit the FBI with stereo dropkicks and stereo STFs. Here’s an interesting point: Joel refers to them as “The disciples of the Sinister Minister”, and that’s actually the first time on this show that I can recall them actually naming “The Sinister Minister”. I was beginning to think it was just something people had made up. The champs dump the FBI and set up a table, allowing Mikey to dive off the table, springboarding off Sal, and onto the FBI on the floor. Back in, Guido gets hung in the Tree of Woe and Mikey hits him with a flying chairshot from the top. Guido fights back with his own chairshot and the FBI beats him down in the corner and hit a double team superplex for two. Mikey with a crazy tilt a whirl slam where he clotheslines Mamaluke on the top rope, and it’s hot tag Tajiri. He dropkicks Guido into the table and Mikey takes Tony to the floor with a stunner through a table as Mamaluke just takes insane bumps with no regard for his body, but Guido hits the Killswitch on Tajiri on a chair with help from Big Sal, and they end the title reign of Mikey & Tajiri at only one day at 11:30. Hell of a match here. ****

Next week: Steve Corino challenges for the ECW World title in what probably should have been a title change.

This actually felt like Heyman wrapping up the promotion and this was very much a “tying up some loose ends before the show leaves episode”, especially with the great title change at the beginning and big match to end it. I wish they would have just ended the TNN show in Hammerstein to give us a bookend with the start of the show, but unfortunately there’s still a few episodes left to limp through. This was one of the best of the entire run, however.